Hush, Love, Don't cry,
It'll be alright,
Hold me close,
As I administer the dose,
Listen to my lullaby of lies.
- Created By Mercury Dragon
So Far Away...
Mood: depression...
Music: Toy Box "Superstar" (doesn't really fit my mood, huh?)
Okay, so I figured I'd update you all on my life at the moment. I've got 3 more days of Maymester work, and then Friday we're taking a field trip...I'm glad it's almost over...It's killing me...Although it IS keeping my mind busy and off of a certain subject that I'll be discussing shortly...Then Saturday, my friend Kells is coming to help me move from this apartment building to another apartment building...After we're done moving, we're gonna hang out. I haven't seen her in quite a while, so it'll be fun to do that. Next Monday, I start my community service work...3 weeks, 15 hours each week...That means about 45 hours total...Then on July 1st I start my work-study at the special day care...I'm ready for that...I love those little kids. They're absolutely adorable! I'll work there 20 hours a week (at least, hopefully more) until the Fall '09 semester starts, which will be sometime in late August. After the semester starts, I might continue working at the day care, but my hours will have to be reduced...
Okay, so the reason I'm depressed...Daku left yesterday morning for Nebraska. I made it from his house to campus without crying, but the second I crossed the threshold into my room, I broke down...I cried for a good 40 minutes...He's so far away, and I can't call him just anytime I want because he's working on research, and I can't text him anymore because his parents shut the text function off on his phone plan, and I can't see him whenever I want like I'm used to because he's 8 FUCKING HOURS AWAY!!!!! Long-distance sucks...We did it last summer, but I got to visit him once a month, at least...He'll be in Nebraska for 10 weeks, and the most I'll get to see him is MAYBE one weekend...I really, really, REALLY fucking hate this!! I need to just get somewhere alone and have a breakdown right now, but I can't, because I'm supposed to be working on what's left of my Maymester assignments...
And to make matters worse, our professors chewed us out this morning, saying we were "acting immature, not showing a servant's attitude, had bad attitudes, and letting the estrogen levels get out of control". Well, what the FUCK do they expect?! They're putting so much damn pressure on us, we're bound to be grumpy, grouchy, and be immature. And we can't control the estrogen levels because all 6 of us are GIRLS!! Humans have no control over their fucking chemical balances!! Especially since one of the other girls started her monthly this morning...She REALLY can't help it...I feel bad for her...I really want my professors to just go fuck off right now...I really, really do...
Well, thanks for reading through my little rant, if you did...I congratulate those who read this line...
Stay classy, Otakuites.
Excel~
~~...Attempting to give a damn...Attempt failed...Try again later...~~
I feel your pain, buddy...I feel your pain...
Predictable...
Mood: Beyond furious; worried sick
Music: Good Charlotte "The Truth"
Have you ever been so extremely close to someone that you thought you knew everything about them? Well, how would you feel if they did a complete 180-degree turn in character? Yeah, I'm there. See, Daku had to leave yesterday for a Tri-Beta convention. It's a school-sanctioned event...Well, I don't trust the people he had to go with, and last night, my fears were confirmed. They convinced him to do something that he swore to me he'd never do. For one, it was illegal!! Secondly, it's against school policy, meaning it shouldn't even happen on a school-sanctioned event that's held off-campus!! Thirdly, he's showing an utter disregard for his health!! Fourth, he's showing an utter disregard for his future!! And finally, he's showing an utter disregard for my feelings!! Ever since I called him last night to say goodnight, and he told me what was going on, I've been crying off and on. I'm worried sick about him, and at the same time I'm beyond furious with him!! I expressed my concerns to him today just before lunch, and he simply brushed me off, telling me that my "train of thought is irrational and illogical".
I'M NOT THE ONE DOING ILLEGAL SHIT THAT COULD FUCK UP MY FUTURE IF I GET CAUGHT!!!!!
Quite honestly, I've got half a mind to go to Daku's academic advisor and inform HIM of what's going on...Unfortunately, I have no hard evidence, so it would be my word against Daku and the other Tri-Beta members' words...I feel like I'm trapped...I love him so much, but if he keeps showing such a disregard for my feelings and breaking my trust like this, I'm gonna leave his ass...And that's what hurts the most. I don't even know if I could continue living without him!
I feel so utterly lost and hopeless...
Please, I need advice...I don't know what to do...
Excel~
End
