Well, Scrub My Face With A Brillo Pad!

Chapter 4

I Didn’t Do It. I Was Dead At The Time

Thursday 4th September


In typical Rosie style, Mrs Viking-To-Be skived off school yesterday. But, she did actually have to clean up her house. Ah well, she’s here now. Jas is off doing prefect duties, and I still haven’t told anyone about the snog with Dave amongst the bubbles. I don’t dare to tell anyone in front of Ellen. She’ll have a total spaz.

“Shall we doing something entertaining, chums?” Rosie asked. The way she said it… I have a funny feeling that the sort of entertainment she’s thinking about will get us into detention. Or worse. I know what Rosie is like.

“What is there to do that is entertaining?” I asked her, eyebrows raised. “We’re at school, you numpty.”

“Elvis’ hut,” was the reply I got.

“Ooooh no. I’ve had enough of getting into trouble thanks to Elvis,” I said.

“Well, think about it, he’s always moaning about how stuffy it is in his hut. Why don’t we ‘open’ his window?”

“Open his window? That’s not, erm, very entertaining,” Ellen said. She has a point.

“Ellen has a point. I’m sure Elvis can open his own window,” I said.

“No, you’re missing my point, maties. We go and REMOVE his window. Then he’ll never have to keep opening and then shutting it,” Rosie winked. I’m not liking this idea.

“But, erm, won’t removing, y’know, his window, like, well, won’t we need some, erm, tools… Or something?”

“Christ, Ellen, don’t take all year,” Rosie said. “No. We’ll just smash it.”

“Rosie, I hate to say it, but you seem to be a lot more violent this year. Do you have aggression built up in you or something?” Jools piped up.

“Indeedy. I’ve just about had enough of Elvis and his stupid hat and his stupid nuddy-pants magazines. It’s about time he got his comeuppance,” Rosie said, slamming her hand down on the grass.

We all looked at each other, and at Rosie, with our eyebrows raised. It might just be the maddest idea in the entire world, but right now, smashing Elvis’ window is extremely tempting.

5 minutes later

We’ve sneaked round to Elvis’ hut, and Rosie’s looking in through one of the windows to make sure that he’s not in there.

“Clear, me maties. Ellen, pass me that shovel.”

“You are barking mad!” Mabs said, shaking her head.

“You’re going to use a shovel?” I asked Ro-Ro, with my eyebrows raised again. I fear they may disappear into my hair at this rate.

“Why not?” Rosie replied, as she took the shovel from Ellen.

We all watched her and around us to make sure no one else was watching us. Then, when we gave the thumbs up to Rosie, she swung the shovel, and it shattered the window into about a thousand tiny pieces.

“OIIII!” we heard someone shout.

Oh, fan-bloody-tastic. Hawkeye’s running over to us… With Jas. This should be amusing to watch. Jas having to put us into detention.

“Rosie, you absolute pillock,” I muttered to Ro-Ro. She just looked cross-eyed at me.

“Could you five girls explain to me why you just obliterated Mr. Attwood’s window?” Hawkeye said, glaring down at us all, her hands on her hips.

“We didn’t do it,” Rosie replied. She was still holding the shovel.

I quickly glanced at Jas. She looked as though she was trying to hide a smile. To be honest, I think we all were. Except Hawkeye. She was not amused.

“Really?” Hawkeye got right into Rosie’s face, but Ro-Ro didn’t even flinch or back away. “Explain to me then, why you’re holding a shovel.”

“I picked it up off the ground. Whoever did smash the window must’ve just threw it on the floor after the ‘obliterated’ Mr. Attwood’s window. I was kindly leaning it back against the wall,” Rosie replied.

“Rosemary Mees, there is no point in lying to me. I saw you do it.”

“I didn’t do it. I was dead at the time.”

“Do not be silly, girl! You and your little friends can go to the Headmistress’ office, and you can all serve double detentions. Move, now!”

“Yes, sir,” Rosie said, saluting Hawkeye, and carefully leaning the shovel against the wall.

Slim’s Office

5 minutes later

“You are 6th formers! You are supposed to be setting an example to the younger students, not running around, smashing windows like hooligans!”

Oh, rave on, fatty.


1.55 pm

Slim kept us in her office for aaaaaaages, just ranting on and on about setting examples and stuff. She also says that we have to stay after school today, to help clean the entire bloody school! At least there’ll be the 5 of us AND the cleaners. The school will be cleaned in record time.

A few minutes later

Herr Kamyer hasn’t even turned up yet. He’s probably gotten lost. I can only hope. Jas is laughing about the window incident, which I don’t thinK is good for a prefect.

“Don’t let Hawkeye hear you laughing about Elvis’ window,” I told her.

“It was bloody funny, though,” Jas grinned. “I just let Hawkeye do all the talking, though, because I feared that I would just explode into laughter if I opened my mouth. You do know that you’ll probably have to pay for the window, now, Rosie?”

“Yeah, I know,” Rosie said, filing her nails and leaning back on her chair. “But it’ll be alright. I just don’t want to have to help clean the whole school tonight.”

“We’ve all got to do it,” Jools said.

“You’re just lucky you didn’t get anything worse,” Jas pointed out. “Slim could’ve quite easily have suspended you.”

“Yeah, we know,” we all replied.

A few minutes later

Herr Kamyer has arrived. He put his books and things on his desk, and asked us to get on with some work. We all blatantly ignored him. Rosie has an evil look on her face… She’s planning something.

“What are you thinking?” I asked her.

“Watch this,” she whispered to us all, and got up.

She walked over to Herr Kamyer, who looked at her with bewilderment.

“Herr Kamyer, you must be exhausted after the first few days back at school. Let me help you onto your chair,” Rosie said, pulling out his chair for him.

“Ach, danke, Rosemary,” Herr Kamyer replied, going to sit down.

And that was when… Rosie pulled out the chair further, causing Herr Kamyer to fall on the floor. The whole room burst into laughter, and Herr Kamyer got to his feet looking all flustered before shouting at Rosie to go and see Slim.

2.30 pm

Rosie has returned from the pits of Hell that is Slim’s office. She doesn’t look too happy, but as she sat down, her face split into a grin, and she waved at Herr Kamyer, who scowled.

“So, what did Slim say?” I asked her.

“I’m in triple detention now, and she’s sending a letter home to my parents. They’ll be thrilled,” Rosie laughed.

“You’re surprisingly happy,” Jas said, her eyebrows raised.

“I’m just seeing how much it takes to get kicked out of the school,” Rosie replied.

“You want to get kicked out?” we all asked her.

“Yeah. Well, if I want to leave school, I may as well leave school for something memorable and worthwhile,” Rosie shrugged.

She had a point. Getting kicked out for doing something like… Setting fire to the school… That would be the best way to leave.

4.30 pm

Bloody teachers with their bloody detentions and their bloody suggestions of cleaning the bloody school. This is why I HATE school. They punish us for every tiny little thing!

OK, so admittedly, breaking Elvis’ window wasn’t a little thing. But I don’t understand why Jools, Mabs, Ellen and I have to join Rosie in detention. Hawkeye said that it was because we “didn’t do anything to stop her and more than likely helped distract Mr. Attwood.” We did not distract him. He was already gone. But no, we get accused of that, too!!

We have to do this tomorrow, as well, and then Rosie has to do this on Monday, too. Bloody nightmare. We were all hoping to go shopping tomorrow, but we’ll have to go on Saturday, instead.


6.00 pm

Finally escaped the torturous chamber of school. Rosie discovered that if we ran around the hall with our mops, the floor got cleaner a lot faster. But, the downside to that was that it was all slippery, so we were falling all over the place.

“WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?!” my lovely Father shouted at me from the lounge.

“How nice to see you, too, Father. Well, if you must know, Rosie broke the caretaker’s window at lunchtime today, and so we all got detention for it. So, I’ll be late home tomorrow, too.”

“Can’t you stay out of trouble, just for once?!”


“If you want to be smart, go to your room and do some homework.”

Oh, blah, blah, blah. Rave on, male-version of Slim.

Phone rang

6.15 pm

“Don’t worry, my dear family. The phone is only in the hall, and you are just in the lounge. Don’t mind me, I’ll just run down the stairs to answer it, since you can’t be bothered to get up and answer it yourselves!” I shouted.

“Georgia, just answer the bloody phone!” Vati shouted back to me, and I heard him fart.


“Hello, you’ve somehow managed to phone a mad house, Georgia speaking, how can I help?”

“Ciao, Miss Georgia.”

Oh my God! It was Masimo! I haven’t heard off him since I officially broke us up. I wonder what he wants…

“Oh, er, hi, Masimo. I’ve got to say, I wasn’t expecting you to phone. What’s up?”

“Ah, Miss Georgia. I only call you to say that I am moving to America. For good. My parents think it is good for me. I think it is good for me, too.”

“Wow, really? Well, I think it’ll do you good, too. Erm… When are you leaving?”

“On Saturday. I wish for you to stay in touch, si?”

“Sure, I’ll keep in touch. Erm…”

“Well, I must be going now, Miss Georgia. I need to start packing. Ciao.”

“Er, yeah. Bye,” I put the phone down.

5 minutes later

I still have my hand on the phone. Masimo phoning me has shocked me the most, but him actually wanting me to stay in contact with him is quite shocking, too. I must ring Jas.



“WHOA! Georgia, there’s no need to shout, you loon!”

“Sorry! I just heard… The most interesting news…”

“Odd, that. Because Tom just told me some news, too. But you go first.”

“Erm, OK. Well, Masimo phoned me and-”

“Hold on. THE Masimo phoned you?”

“Jas, how many other Masimos do we know?”

“Good point, well made.”

“Anyway, he phoned me, and he said he’s moving to America permanently. He wants me to stay in contact, though. Weird! Why would he phone me and tell me that?”

“Well, he has to warn you that he’s leaving. Anyway, that would explain my news.”

“What’s your news?”

“I hear this from the horse’s mouth-”

“Tom’s a horse?”

“It’s a figure of speech, you numpty. Tom’s told me that Robbie’s rejoining the Stiff Dylans for a bit! Not permanently, though.”

“Really?! Crikey, it’s all happening!”

“Yup. Anyway, they’ve announced that they’re doing a gig on Saturday night. I’m definitely going.”

“Count me in. I’m sure the rest of the Ace Gang will go, too. Oh, did any of the others tell you we’re going shopping on Saturday?”


“We were going to go tomorrow, but as you know, Rosie ruined that plan.”

“With the window thing.”

“Yes. Anyway-”


“I think you need to go…”

“I think I do. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jazzy, my bestest little pally.”

“Er, OK. Toodles!”

“Pip pip!”

A few minutes later

The bloody phone is ringing again.


“You do realise that you officially just have to choose between Robbie and Dave, don’t you?” It was Jas.

“Yes, I do know that. Good bye.”


6.55 pm

I have gone for a walk. I am down the park… I… Oh, look, there’s Dave! Hellooooooo, Dave!! Oh, hang on, I might want to say that out loud.

“Dave!” I shouted to him.

“You alright, Kittykat?!” he shouted back. I waited until we were stood right next to each other before replying.

“Yeah, I’m alrighty, thanks. How be thou?”

“Good, taarrrrr. What brings you down here at this time of the evening?”

“I needed to escape my house, and think about Masimo.”

“Why do you need to think about him? He is sooooo last week.”

“I know that. He phoned me and told me that he was moving to America for good.”

“Oh, did he now…?” Dave said, looking thoughtful and stroking his invisible beard.

“What’s that look for?”

“Oh, nothing. Have I told you how fabulous you look tonight?”

“Err… No…?”

“Well, you do. You’re looking mighty fine tonight.”

“Err, OK?”

“Fancy a snog?”

I cannot believe him!

5 minutes later

My brain said no, but my lips said yes. I’m snogging Dave the bloody Laugh, AGAIN!

It does have to be said, though, that he is a fantastic snogger.

8.00 pm

I am making a list of all the mistakes I’ve ever made, and then I shall burn the paper I’m writing them down on.

Oddly, the majority of the mistakes on here are “snogging Dave the Laugh”.

5 minutes later

I asked Mum and Dad for some matches, but they refused to let me have any, so I’m just going to have to settle with eating the paper.

A minute later

It doesn’t taste good.

A minute later

I’ve thrown it in the bin. Surely that’s good enough?

Saturday 6th September

9.30 am

Me and the Ace Gang got up nice and early, and are currently shopping. Yay, lip-gloss! Hmmm, new shoes… Or not?? I might have to get another pair of sparkly shoes. I actually refuse to wear the ones the cats pooped in, even though Mum’s disinfected them about a million times.

“Do you know what I think”? Rosie asked and we trundled up the high street, all linked up so no one could go through us.

“Does it involve smashing any windows?” I asked.

“Nope. I think we should all wear matches outfits tonight,” Rosie replied.

“But won’t that, like, be sort of, you know… Uncool?” Ellen dithered.

“No, it’ll be very cool,” Rosie said, giving Ellen her cross-eyed look.

“I think that’s a good idea, actually,” Jas said. Wow, Jas actually agreeing to something Rosie suggested!

“I think it’s a good idea, too. Only…” I started.

“Only what?” Rosie asked, turning her cross-eyed look on me.

“Only if it doesn’t involve fur,” I finished.

“Nah, I won’t put you guys through that. I mean, you’ll be wearing fur for mine and Sven’s wedding, so there’s no need to wear fur tonight. I think we should be hip, tonight. We’ll wear jeans, high heels, and we’ll buy new matching, sexy, tops,” Rosie said.

We all breathed a sigh of relief at hearing that we won’t have to wear fur tonight. We don’t want the gig tonight turning into a wedding rehearsal.

New Look

10.00 am

My Mum kindly gave me some money to buy a new top, and some lip-gloss. But, I have so much lip-gloss at home, that I might just blow it all on the top.

“How about these ones, dudettes?” Rosie asked us, holding up Spongebob t-shirts.

“Not a chance, Ro-Ro,” I replied.

Rosie giggled.

“I was only joking.”

Still in New Look

10.15 am

We are having great difficulty trying to find the perfect tops. Well, Jas spotted some good ones, but they didn’t have them in our sizes, which was a bit naff.

“How about these?” Jools asked, holding up lilac tops.

The top was full-lilac material, that you couldn’t see through, and just under where our nungas would be, was a floaty, lilac, see-through material. They were bloody gorgeous.

“They have them in different colours, too,” Jools said, holding up some more.

A few minutes later

We’ve all agreed to the tops. I’m wearing a pink one, Rosie’s going for the green one, Ellen’s going for the lilac, Jas is going for the blue, Mabs is going for white, and Jools is having the yellow one. We’ve all just walked out of the changing rooms, and we look as sexy as Hell.

Walking up the High Street

10.30 am

Rosie is insisting that we go to the costume shop.

“Ro-Ro, we told you that we are not having any of this fur business tonight,” I said to her as we got ready to cross the road.

“It’s not for tonight. It’s for my wedding dress,” Rosie replied.

“You’re not getting married, though,” Jools pointed out.

“I am. Just not yet,” Rosie said.

“Yeah, but why do you need the fur now?” I asked as we started looking left and right.

“Well, it’s never too early to start making your wedding dress,” Rosie replied as we stepped out into the road.

Just as we were crossing, we heard a car speeding towards us, quite literally picking up speed. We just about jumped out of the way, and saw who was in it. Lindsay. The whole street is shaking their fists at her.

“Who the Hell let her have a license?” Rosie asked, frowning.

“Nooo idea,” I replied.


6.00 pm

Oooooh Goddy God. I am running sooooooo late. I’m meeting the gang at the Clock Tower at 7, and I’ve yet to get dressed and do my hair! I may have to ask for Mum’s help. There’s no way I’m going to be able to straighten my hair on my own within the next hour. It takes me at least three.

6.45 pm

Mum straightened my hair for me. Even though I don’t tell her very often, I do appreciate her help. Right, I’m dressed, hair is done… I might make my way to the clock tower early. I can’t stand waiting around.

Clock Tower

7.01 pm

The whole gang’s here, except Rosie… Oh, wait. I lie. She’s just walking up now. With Sven. Who is wearing his light-up trousers. And Rosie’s beard. I do fear for their sanity.

“You’re late,” I said to Rosie as she neared us.

“I know I am. I planned it that way,” She replied.

“Of course you did.”

7.30 am

The club is absolutely packed, already! The Dylans are up on stage, minus Robbie, I notice, obvious preparing their instruments.

“I want to pluck their guitars,” Rosie shouted to me over the loud music playing.

“Oo-er!” I shouted back, and we erupted into fits of giggles.

8.00 pm

The whole club is now rammed around the stage. The music’s been turned off, and we’re just waiting for the Dylans to come back on stage. And come back on stage, they did.

“Hey guys!” Dom said into the microphone, as the others got ready.

Robbie still hadn’t come out. He hasn’t gotten stage fright has he?

“You ready to rock?” Dom asked, and the whole crowd shouted ‘yes!’. “Well, as you guys might know, Masimo’s moved to America permanently, so we needed yet another new singer. So who better to do the job than our old one? Please welcome back, ROBBIE!”

That’s when Robbie walked out onto stage, and said hello to everyone. Cor, blimey, he looked fit. I could see Lindsay at the side of the stage, staring up at Robbie as though she was afraid to let him out of her sight. He can’t have dumped her yet, then.

5 minutes later

They’ve started off by playing one of their older, pre-Masimo songs, ‘Ultraviolet’. I absolutely love this song. Must be my favourite. Lindsay’s dancing about like a twat, and still isn’t taking her eyes off of Robbie.

5 minutes later

I’ve just noticed that Dave the Laugh isn’t here. I’ve only noticed, because Tom, Rollo and everyone are here, but Dave isn’t. That’s weird, he loves the chance to party.


In Bed

Rubbish Night

Roughly About 1.00 am

Remind me never to go to a Stiff Dylans gig ever again.