Name: Nikki
Age: 27
DOB: Nov. 24 1986
Height: 5ft roughly - What? I'm short
Believe in Love at First Sight: No.
Relationship Status: Single / Don't care
Here lately, I've come to discover, it doesn't matter whether I get married or not. It doesn't even matter if I stay single. Thing is, I may or may not be ready for it. What's important is being content with what you have.
I have a lot of favorite anime, but a few of them include: Code Geass, Trigun, Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail.
Favorite music: rock / hard rock / heavy metal, pop - I like things that people have said doesn't fit me.
My all time favorite band is the old Guns N' Roses. The new one sucked. End of story.

Too Many Chains

Have you ever felt like there are too many things in this world, holding you back? I do. I feel like every time I turn around, there's someone telling me I'm not good enough. There's always someone telling me, I don't need to do this, or I can't do that. Today, my family just reminded me yet again about the things it seems I will never have. They keep telling me not to leave, to stay here, and that I shouldn't do anything because Heaven forbid I should have something happen to me. If I stay here and do nothing, I will be safe. It seems they want to keep me here forever. They were even saying that me going with a few guy friends of mine somewhere was wrong. Well, what am I supposed to do, only hang out with girls and stay in this area? How am I ever going to meet someone if I stay here? How do I start my own life if I stay here? I'd like to do my own things, be who I want to be, not who my parents want me to be. I want to be given a chance by a man, and not just told after only a little while, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, or we're better off as friends." That's all I ever hear is how we're better off as friends. I got turned down all the time in high school, and no one really even noticed me in college. They still don't. Even though I work at a grocery store, I'm still not noticed. I'm just there. If I had the money, I could just live in an RV and travel around.

I'm Not a Lost Cause

Sometimes it just hits you, you know? You spend all your time worried about something, and then just from a text from a friend, your mind can change in an instant. I was thinking I was just so lost and couldn't be saved, but I learned differently. I'm not lost, and it's okay to feel the way I do. I don't have the feelings I once had, and even though some remain, it's okay. They may not ever go away completely, but it's fine. He's my friend, and that's all I need. I don't need anything else.

Also, I've started making peace with the fact that I don't have to get married and have kids to be happy. I can just be myself, and be happy with myself.

Hell

If I am not able to fight these demons, they will consume my soul and I will face eternal punishment. No, I don't mean just the flames of Hell, I mean the suffering that comes in this life. I've already faced some suffering, but I do not wish to live out the rest of my life suffering for my sins. I don't like the feelings I have to fight. I know the suffering I've put some people through, but if I can't save myself, I can't hope to save anyone else. I fear things that could happen. I pray that won't happen. I was told I will get over it. I certainly hope so. Meanwhile, the demons that invade my mind make it difficult for me.

The Keeper of Time

Just something I wanted to share. Maybe since in college, one of my friends called me "Keeper of time" I would be Sailor Pluto.

If Only I Was Artistic

I love looking at art and all these wallpapers and signatures. My mom likes to draw and my nephew draws. My uncle is an artist. I just wish I had the ability to draw or even make graphic computer art like wallpapers and signatures. I would love to be so creative. I love RPing and writing but only because it's the best way I express myself, but being able to draw and create art would be wonderful. I used to walk by the art building in college, and I'd be fascinated by the students who were outside drawing / painting or sculpting. It seems so peaceful and liberating to walk outside, sit on a bench and capture life as you see it. Even photography would be great. I already enjoy watching people and even nature itself. I'd often find excuses in between my classes just to wander around outside, especially in spring. We had so many trees and when they would bloom... it was like Heaven. My favorite trees are cherry trees. I'd purposefully walk around them or under them just so I could see the blossoms and watch blossom petals fall on the ground like snow. If only... *walks around daydreaming*