Name: Nikki
Age: 27
DOB: Nov. 24 1986
Height: 5ft roughly - What? I'm short
Believe in Love at First Sight: No.
Relationship Status: Single / Don't care
Here lately, I've come to discover, it doesn't matter whether I get married or not. It doesn't even matter if I stay single. Thing is, I may or may not be ready for it. What's important is being content with what you have.
I have a lot of favorite anime, but a few of them include: Code Geass, Trigun, Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail.
Favorite music: rock / hard rock / heavy metal, pop - I like things that people have said doesn't fit me.
My all time favorite band is the old Guns N' Roses. The new one sucked. End of story.
- Created By shortcrazygirl
Two Face
You know, I don't pretend to understand my heart, nor do I really want to. My heart is confusing, or maybe I'm just confusing. I don't know. All I know is that I've tried to tell myself I don't want to be in love, but then again, there's another part of me that wants to be in love. I live 30 minutes away from town, so you'd think I'd have opportunities to go out and meet people. I can't. I don't go clubbing and I don't drink, so bars are out of the question. It seems everyone I've ever liked lives too far away. Even an hour is too far. I don't want to be depressing. I've tried not to be, but there's one side trying to hold on to sanity, and there's another side of me that says, "Who are you kidding?" So, I don't know whether to want love or not. One part of me is saying it's okay to be single and to just accept it. The other part of me says I need to fight it. Do I accept this lonely life or do I seek more?
Recently, I found a photo online, and this photo is a lie. Time rips your heart in two, and distance does matter. Whoever came up with this has obviously never tried a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships do not work. I don't care who you are, it won't work. Unless you're made of money and you can make time to see each other, it will not work. The trouble is, long distance is all I have.
Sorry, this photo won't load because it's on my facebook, but to quote, it said, "When two people love each other no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart."
Sorry, but that is a lie.
For once, I want someone to invest in me like I want to invest in him. Instead of him saying "Meh..." getting bored and turning away from me, I want him to want me. Why do I always get friendzoned? Is it just because I can't give him what he wants? Or maybe I'm just boring. *sigh* Who knows?
If Dreams Have Meanings, I'm Insane
So, I have to wonder, why in the heck do I always wind up injured or near death in my dreams or I have some weird, unexplainable dream that doesn't make any sense. I tell you what... my dreams are the weirdest things I've ever seen. I heard them talking on a medical show on TV about dream meanings, and if you have strange dreams, you're insane. I'm not like everyone else! Woo! One of them had to do with water. There was water everywhere. I mean, there was water inside this building which was like some sort of school or something. The sinks, bathtubs and everything else was flooding. Heck, it was pouring down rain outside and it was near a water park. Heck, one of my dreams felt so real, I thought one of my friends had really died, and I woke up in the middle of the night crying. In one of my dreams, I was on a school field trip and my friend and I were being chased through the woods by some psycho with a chainsaw. lol This one I had last night, I was dreaming I was talking on the phone with a friend, and we were discussing boyfriends and girlfriends. I told him I almost didn't want to fall in love because of what one of my friends told me. All of his friends have gone through some bad breakups. I've never experienced anything like that. lol I was just watching "The Addams Family." He told me, "It's only because you haven't experienced love really." That's actually kind of normal, but the rest of my dreams, I wonder what's going on or I'm wondering why I got shot, in car wrecks or even kidnapped and thrown off a bridge into the ocean. I could explain more of my dreams, but let's just say nobody would get it. I didn't even get it.
Perhaps I've Been Lucky
Often times, I complain because I don't get the things I want, but when I come to think about it. I've actually been shown a little bit of mercy. Like, when it comes to love, so far, I've been shown a little mercy. Mostly, I've dealt with guys just telling me they feel like it won't work out, and maybe once or twice, I've had to tell guys I think it won't work. So far, I've been spared a horrible breakup. However, I know some of my friends have not been so lucky. I would never do such a thing to someone, I don't think. I would try not to anyway. True, I'd like to be in love and everything, but when I think about the heartbreak I've been spared, it's not so bad. See, I only put myself through Hell because when I fall, I fall hard. I am past all that though. It's funny, but I've never actually thought about how lucky I really am.
This Is Letting Go
Yes, like the Rise Against lyrics read, "this is letting go". I need to do two things. First of all, I need to be quick to recognize my own evils and do something about those instead of worrying about everyone else's evils. It's funny, but as people, we are quick to point out the evils of this world, and we are slow to see our own evils. We need to be slow to see the evils of this world and quick to see our own evils. I don't mean to the point to where you think you have no self worth. I'm saying, we need to recognize we do the very same things we speak against in such a loud voice sometimes. We don't need to judge others until we can judge ourselves.
On that note, I come to my next point. I've been going 'round and 'round, focused on my own misery and focused on what happened in the past. I have struggled with letting go of things. It's time to let go. It's time to say, enough is enough. What happened in the past is irrelevant. What is relevant is the here and now. I don't know why I go over the same things again and again. It's time to let go of the past and move into the future.
