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Why I Comick So Damn Much
Sat Aug 22, 2009, 3:46 PM
* Mood: Tearful
* Listening to: "Soaring"-Sydney Forest
* Reading: over the comic
* Drinking: Tang
Monique, you can't even come over during the week to work on the comic. My mom wants me to focus on school and doesn't give a damn that we already payed for the table and etc. Let's see if we can do it at school, ok? Like in the library, or the band room when there isn't any practice. I'll see if you can come over tomorrow after church, but again--I have no fucking clue.
I hate living at my house. I have overprotective parents that don't give a damn about my hobby or what I think. My dad never liked me drawing manga and calls anime "La La Land". My mom just looked at my work and called it cute, nothing else. I never was allowed to hang out with my friends, especially if they were also into anime and manga and video games. I also wasn't as outgoing as I am now, so I spent most of my time reading fiction to get away from it. Even in elementary school, I stayed after school with the library assistant to read and help out. All that reading is probably why English continues to be my best subject. But I really liked art. I tried out every form I encountered. The only time I regretted trying out a style was the only time my dad thought it was absolutely spectacular--I find squeezing paint out of those pen-like tubes fun, even back then. I was doing that and had paint all over one of my folders and left it on the table. I was gonna throw it away later, but I wanted it to dry so my mom didn't get mad at me if I got paint somewhere. Well, I went back and found it gone, so I figured somebody threw it out for me. Then at the kitchen table, my dad said I made something great and I thought he was talking about a drawing I did earlier that day. Then he took out the folder and I got really mad, saying I didn't mean to make it. Then that night I ripped it up and threw it away. That probably seems really stupid and childish, but...I was around 8 or 9--what do you expect?
I started dabbling in manga, I got really into it--loved it obviously, since I'm still doing it. So I experimented a lot over the years and finally got my "style" down. I'm still experimenting with other styles, but so far this is pretty stable. When I think manga, I think fantasy, and video games. Something that isn't my life. My life at home is boring and lonely and depressing--not like "I wanna kill myself" but more of "When I'm 18, I'm so out of here". I hate going home. At home, I have to act like someone completely different. I can't joke around like I do at school or with my friends. My teachers probably have a better understanding of what I'm like than my parents do. I can't openly express my love for anime and manga because I get criticized if I play any foreign music, draw, or watch anime. I have to shut myself up in my room to do it, and then they get mad if I do that. My parents want me to be this big scholar person that makes a gazillion dollars when I just kind of want to live a peaceful life in an apartment somewhere working on G33|<!! or in a cottage in the woods painting my life away and living off what I have. If it wasn't for the fact that I need money, I wouldn't even give a damn about college.
In short, I comick because I need to get away without really getting away. I want to do something right. I'm not that good at school, or sports, or anything else for that matter. I'm not musical, I'm not an actor/actress, I'm not as sweet as honey, and I'm not studious. I'm a girl that tatoos bleached leaves with graphite dreams and acid thoughts because the rabbit hole to my wonderland is barred shut until further notice.
-KF
Kicking Mushrooms
Tue Jul 28, 2009, 2:58 AM
* Mood: Outraged
* Listening to: "Somnambulist"-BT
* Drinking: Water
...is very fun =D So, I found out earlier today(technically yesterday now) that the main character in Burton's Alice in Wonderland is not Alice...it's the freaking Mad Hatter. Dammit, Depp--yes, you're a great actor BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUCKING LEAD DX.
I'm a big Carroll fan and I know I'm gonna be watching the movie and cringing when something happens that wasn't really supposed to...as all movies-based-on-books go. Calvin, we better be kicking some serious mushrooms after the movie.
Sent my fairy home with a bento lunch(and chopsticks) for him to eat at work tomorrow(pulling a double shift=17hrs)...I have a feeling he'll need more food than that =( After tomorrow, he won't have work for the rest of the week...stupid economy--Target is a horrible place to work, don't work there unless you absolutely have to!! Since that's his only source of income, he's gonna be kind of screwed...he should go kick some mushrooms.
-KF
Gah...Stupid KF, Stupid...
Mon May 25, 2009, 12:56 PM
* Mood: Shame
* Listening to: "Sara's Song"-the ESP's
* Drinking: Orange Juice
I regret so much right now; I just keep leading this kid on cuz I'm selfish and don't know what I want. I feel like I'm reverting back to my middle school self, or I'm evolving into some sort of...thing-yeah, some sort of thing I don't like. I can't really look at the mirror the right way; I look different. Maybe I'm just growing up? That's depressing, I'm 16-I'm supposed to be living a carefree life with stereotypical teenager problems like getting a date, parents, and friends-so why is that these are all magnified by at least 5x? It might seem like I'm just exaggerating this, like every other teenager out there, but I know the difference...
For those of you that wish for a manga life on a shooting star or something, be specific and be careful-you might get exactly what you wished for, cuz I did...
On a lighter note, my parents' 25th anniversary was yesterday-I dunno how my mom could stand my dad for that long, cuz I can barely stand him for 5 minutes, but they're happy and disgustingly lovey-dovey so it's fine.
We're going to the beach later today cuz it's Labour Day-I'm gonna have a permanent tan because of all these trips to the beach(we live 5minutes away from there). I hope we can stop by the Ice Cream Club afterwards-today looks like an ice cream day. For the past couple of days it's been icky and humid and very rainstorm-y-I'm looking outside now and Mr. Blue Sky is out so it's all good =3
For those of you who actually read all this, I'm sorry-I rant.
<3 KF
Punching Cats
Sun May 10, 2009, 1:21 PM
* Mood: Disbelief
* Listening to: "Stray Cat Strut"-Stray Cats
* Reading: Filipino Empanada Recipe
* Eating: I REALLY want one of those empanadas...
No, I'm not-but we DO have to give away our preggerz Neko-chan =( My mom still doesn't like her very much, especially the whole pregnant thing-we picked her off the street already pregnant.
I've been violent lately-more violent than usual. And for some reason, I've had this really big urge to just beat up some of my closest friends. They're being idiots. And if that doesn't help, my best friends' last day was Friday(cuz they're seniors). So, I'm stuck with my closer best friends that I want to kick in the guts...
What adds more to the-ew-drama of it all is that my ever-so-troublesome-ex is going to be attending my school next year. We made this silly promise years ago that we would go back out when I was 18 cuz my parents didn't like him and we were "in love". I finally got over this kid last year(the promise was issued when I was in 8th grade, so it took about 2.5yrs) and since then I've finally been able to hold a somewhat steady relationship. And y'all know about my recent accomplishment of getting over my most recent ex. Since then I've been really happy and spent my time with my senior friends cuz they were leaving.
Well, on Friday I was joking with my friends after school and out of the blue I get a text from a number that looks semi-familiar("Hi"). I asked who it was and it was *drumroll* Jimi. My brain stopped working for a while. I let my friend Quaid know(he was his best friend when we were all still in contact) and we both had that "Ah crap" look on our faces. Then I told Mo and Cal.
This Jimi kid has this thing where he turns up when I'm absolutely happy and in bliss and don't have him on my mind at all. In other words-when I least want him to. He has problems, like being kicked out of his house last year and currently living with his friends who are having a baby, dropped out of school in sophmore year(he was held back in 6th grade, so now he's 18). Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the guy-I just wish he wouldn't come back at the worst times like he does.
Part of me is happy he's gonna be going to my school so I can keep tabs on him and help him with his schoolwork and etc. He was forced out of childhood and thrown right into the adult world, and without a real teenager life he's kind of socially messed up. I don't care if he drops out again, but I at least want him to have a real teen life, y'know? I want to help him since he's done a lot for me-I wouldn't have the personality I have now if it wasn't for him. And I'm the only friend he has left from the "old days"...and he still likes me. Which makes convincing him to do things easier on my part.
So...I guess I'm making him a project of some sort. Jimi Restoration Committee...COMMENCE!! God, I need a life *punches friend in the gut*
-KF
I Gots Mah Hairz Did
Sun May 3, 2009, 9:45 PM
* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: "Jumper"-Third Eye Blind
* Reading: AP US Government & Politics Exam Review Book
* Eating: Lumpia and Rice, but it's just sitting there...
Filled up my weekend so I wouldn't think about things I should forget about anyway. Yet, I found myself thinking about him anyway at times, then I shake my head and feel good that I decided to move on instead of linger.
Friday: got my hair cut and then bleached at V:'s house. Slept over, along with my brother and his gf
Saturday: had many yummy things; finished colouring my hair; my brother's gf got sick and left early; V and I made Japanese things for a picnic; threw ice into the pond; we all went out for ice cream; spent 2hrs watching a pointless Korean movie(at which point my "son" contacted me and said my ex called him-I told him I was having fun and hung up); V's bf dropped my brother, V, and I off at our house around midnight; V went home around 3ish
Sunday/Today: Mo came over to help me "study". She left about an hour ago.
AP exams tomorrow. A bunch of people's lives suck right now. There's a like/love triangle going on between my friends; my parents are complaining about money; my grades are dying; my brother's girlfriend is depressing him; misery and etc...
I'm gonne be emo s'more, so you can stop reading now...
I want to punch, kick, scream...break things. I broke my phone a bit-there's a rubber band holding it together(I'm ghetto, bitch!). Of course, I can't really do that. So I draw, but y'see-that doesn't really work either; I draw things I want to see, had seen, and will never see again. I asked Cal what I should do with them(rip them up, give them to the guy so he can do what he pleases with them since he's in them, or keep them and look at them later when I'm over it). He told me to keep them and look at them when I'm over it. I agree, it's the most mature thing, anyway.
I've lost my appetite, too. It's not that I can't eat-more like I don't want to eat. I'm still eating a bit though. And my natural energy(any other energy is from caffeine). I haven't been exercising recently either. I should do that again soon.
I know I'm just letting this stuff happen-letting things get me down. But everyone's weak at some point. I'm probably weaker now, even though I'm stronger-if that makes sense.
My dam broke, and water will weak havoc on the townspeaple below. Poor things...they saw leaks appear and didn't know what to do about it or how to patch it up. Where's the damn repair guy??
Someone tell me happy and exciting news, I need a break =3
-KF
