Okay, so I know that I'm virtually unknown here at theO, but I'm hoping to change that soon...if I can get my scanner to work or get some good FanWords going. Basically, this is where I'm going to tell everything that's going on with me personally as well as how anything I'm working on for theO is coming along. So with that, please enjoy.

This is hilarious!

Soo, I was bored and snooping around youtube and found this hilarious video. Its a Japanese game show set in a library. I was cracking up when I saw this and thought I'd share. Hope you enjoy it!!

Don't you feel so bad for that guy who got like three in a row?!

More on the Touchaphobia

Sooo, I just mentioned my touching problem. Its been dubbed "touchaphobia" because its catchier than the name of the actual phobia. Anyway, I figured since I had a horrible experience with it today I'd use that to help give you guys some insight on it. This story is a more extreme version of how it usually is though. I've never been worse than I was today.

I was at lunch, standing at the table, and minding my own business as usual. Out of nowhere, someone comes up, pulls my hood over my head and face, puts their arms around my neck and shoulders, and starts dragging me away. Basically, I went into full on panic mode. Unfortunately, I was so disoriented that I couldn't fight back or do anything more than clutch the person's arms and try to breath. My aunt works at my school as the instructional assistant in the clinic and I was hoping for my life that it was her and not a stranger. It wasn't her though...of course. It was this guy who's at our table everyday, but I never talk to him. He didn't know about my phobia so I'm not mad at him, but I was terrified while it was happening. My friends told him to let go and then I basically had a panic attack. It burned everywhere he'd touched me and I kept replaying it in my mind. I was trying to calm down, but I couldn't and I started breathing really heavily and waaay faster than I should have. People kept telling me to calm down and breath slowly. I almost hyperventalated and lost all feeling in my feet because of it. My head was pulsing and my thoughts were swirling. I actually have a happy place because sometimes when this stuff happens you really need to go somewhere else that makes you comfortable and thats the best you can do at the time. Thing was, I was so afraid that I couldn't get there. I really paniced after that. I ended up having to leave the table because there were so many people there. I went to my cousin's lunch table, which I never do, and eventually calmed down.

When I first got to his table he seemed confused, but then I explained. At first I just said I needed to be there, but he wanted to know why and I told him people kept touching me. He thought I meant inappropriately though so his friend says, "So who's ass are we gonna beat?" I had to explain that it wasn't like that and basically, I just sat between them until I felt better. For some reason they were a safety zone for me. Eventually I had to go back to my own table though.

The guy who grabbed me felt really bad about it all. When I got there he asked if I was okay and if I was mad at him about it. I just kinda nodded and kept my distance from everyone. After that, no one could touch me at all. Not even people who normally could (all two of them, lol). I could barely focus on anything and I wasn't really all there for the rest of the day. I'm doing fine now though.

You may have seen this coming...

...but this guy I keep talking about asked me out today. I mean we were basically a couple already, but I said yes and now its official. Its soo crazy. I NEVER would have seen this coming. Honestly, the first time I talked to him I never planned to ever talk to him again and he knows that. Obviously, things didn't happen that way. Its funny because he's so easy to talk to and he knows me better that all of my friends. They keep telling me if I go out with him they'll kill me, which he also knows, but its not up to them. Soooo, they don't know about it. I'm trying to find a way to figure out how to get them to be okay with it. If they can't accept it then I guess they're not very good friends. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this guy that could make them be like this. He's not popular or anything like that, but he's awesome and I really like him. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have this phobia where I just can't have people touching me. If someone touches me I get this weird feeling and I kinda shrink inside myself. It really bothers me. I just CAN'T let them touch me. This guy was like that for a while, but not anymore. He read that you could help cure that through desenatization and slowly helped me with it. I'm more tolerant of others and he doesn't bother me at all. If you knew how bad it was this would be amazing to you, lol. Anyway, so far we're the only two who know about our relationship. We think my dad might know, but we're not completely sure. If my mom knew she would die. She's being really paranoid with him. I don't know why, but she thinks we're gonna "do stuff." Apparently she doesn't know me very well..

Sorry if I rambled. Just wanted to put this out there.

Anyone?

So I know all I talk about now is that guy who's been coming over, but he's basically my life right now. (He came over again today by the way, lol.) I was wondering what I can do about my parents...mainly my mother. See, she doesn't really trust us. I mean, I can understand her being concerned, but she's going a little overboard. She is so sure that we're going to "do somerthing" but honestly, neither of us is sure what she's expecting. We just wanna be together and talk mainly. Its fine just sitting on my porch (starting to love that thing) and talking for hours. Thing is, we always feel like my mom is going to flip out and get mad because she thinks something's going on. We barely have any physical contact though. We don't hug or even stand/sit all that close together. There's generally at least 2 or 2 1/2 feet between us if not more. Somehow she STILL thinks we're like making out or something. Its soooo annoying and it really puts a strain on us both. How are we supposed to enjoy ourselves if we're both stressed and on edge. At the same time though she wants us to be together and she wanted him to take me out to dinner, just the two of us. Neither of which is happening by the way. It's soooo confusing. She's trying to push me into a relationship with him, but she won't let me even begin to have one with him.

More about him...

So basically, for me the past two days have consisted of me hanging out with that guy I've been talking about periodically. Yesterday, he came over at like 4:00 and didn't leave til 10:00 pm. It was sooo awesome. My parents finally left us alone enough to get to really talk. We were sitting out on my front porch for hours, just talking about whatever came to mind. We've been able to talk about anything and everything. I mean, both of us have our problems, some of them would never be something that you could talk about to anyone, but we can talk to each other because we know that it'll be okay. He's got some deeper stuff going on than I do, but its still not a problem for us. I really like being around him.. but I don't know what to do. I'm not really experienced with the whole "being social" thing so I can't tell him everything I want to cuz I just don't know how. If I could, things would be sooo much easier. Lol, I'm kinda klutzy too so I'm always falling off of stuff. Its funny because, he always catches me, no matter what. Well... there was once that I fell off of our little mini teeter-totter thing that he couldn't catch me but he did grab my arm and slow me down so I didn't get hurt. *sigh* I hate when he has to leave.. I miss him so much after he leaves that I don't know what to do with myself. I pace a lot naturally, but after he leaves I end up pacing for hours. Honestly, I don't know if there was even a point to this post, but its here soo... yea.