It was a long time before Bryce emerged from Lina’s room again.
When he entered the main part of the house, he found it was close to sunset and Lina’s parents were seated at the dinner table. Their red-rimmed eyes mirrored his own. Her father gently asked if he’d like to stay for dinner. Bryce politely declined, stuffed Lina’s letter in his back pocket, picked up his backpack, and took a walk.
He didn’t much think about where he was going but he wasn’t surprised when he found himself heading for the cliff where Lina had killed herself.
Flowers, candles, and pictures were piled against one of the low fence posts, under the sign warning trespassers of the dangers of the cliff. Bryce gave a brief glance at the shrine to Lina. Her smiling face stared back at him. He couldn’t decide if her smile looked strained or not.
Bryce stepped over the fence. The tree debris whispered and fluttered under his feet. It was hardly ten feet past the fence that the ground gave way completely to the air. Bryce stopped at the edge. He could feel the thinness of the ground beneath him. The waves were crashing below. The sun, now fully setting, was sharp and bright. It made Bryce think of the dream Lina had described in her letter. The thought sent a particular pang through Bryce.
He took three deep breaths.
Then very carefully, Bryce leaned over the edge. The rocks where Lina had dashed her body were there, angular and dark. The waves slid over their surfaces over and over again. To Bryce’s relief, he saw no blood there. He had almost expected it, a permanent marker of a tragedy. He pulled the letter from his back pocket and looked at it.
“I know you said it wasn’t my fault,” Bryce said to the package of paper, “but it’s hard for me to believe. Maybe one day I will. Just not now. So I’m saying it anyway: I’m sorry.” He clenched the letter in his fist and raised his head. “I’m sorry!” he yelled to the ocean, his voice breaking.
“I wish I had gotten to know you, the real you, death wish and all,” Bryce continued. “And I wish you had gotten to know me and not just me as a…as a character.” The word stung his heart. “I hope you got everything you wanted.”
Long after his words had faded, Bryce stood on the cliff. The sun had sunk below the horizon, leaving a bright glow. The half circle of the moon was just starting to appear, as transparent as a soap bubble. He leaned out over the edge again, watching the waves foam on the rocks. Yesterday, Bryce would have been thrilled to be up so high. Today was different, though, and he was feeling something else entirely.
It was fear, he realized.
Fear of falling.
