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    Swords411

    Otakuite+ | Posted 06/07/08 | Reply

    haha, it is well written, the word choice makes it flow easily

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    Zakuro Rose

    Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/03/08 | Reply

    @:

    This is not really a problem for you, but more of a reminder that I see many fan fiction author's violate: stay in character. You know that Yoko Kurama is cunning and ruthless. Don't make him a softy who is hesitant about hurting people. A big task for fan fiction authors, which is why many people wrongly skip this step, is to grasp their characters' personalities. Your OC and preexisting characters. Study their personalities.

    Looking at the prelude, though, I say you did very good! Keep up the good work.