THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.
- Created By Tsutsumi24
Summer and other stuff!
Ooookee dokee!
So.
I'm out of school for the summer after the 28th of this month. Great, but not great. I'll miss my friends.
Sadly, I might have to do summer school. Then again, maybe not. I'm not sure yet. But I'm hoping that I don't have to deal with summer school. I HATE summer school with a passion.
I have also figured something out. I know what I want to do for a profession. I want to be a professional photographer. You know, dealing with nature shots and stuff. Wildlife. I'm really good at it. I figured that out over the weekend. I was hanging out a lot with my great uncle, and he has professional cameras, and takes really good professional wildlife shots of flowers, animals, and scenery. He let me use one of his cameras during a trip to the wildlife refuge out here, and I took some DAMN wonderful pictures. I'll have to put some up when my great uncle sends out the disc of the pictures I took.
So I might be getting my sexy darling phone back. I have missed her. She was my lovely. She still is. And I will be able to text more people, now that I have more people's numbers. HAHAHAHA!!! It will be fun. Yes yes.
I'm hoping to see my brother sometime this summer, too. We have been talking a lot lately. We have grown really close even though we live far away and haven't seen one another in so long. We are desperate to hang out with each other soon.
So anyway. I've been drawing lately. The art looks pretty good, so once I get a scanner again, I'll post some art. Or try to, haha. It might even have to come from my phone, to be honest. Lame.
So I got a new pocket knife. It's...sexy. I like it. I was going kind of knife happy this morning when I got it. I kept flipping it open and then shutting it. Ha. The blade looks lovely. I'm kind of craving as of late, but I'm trying not to.
Well...I'm not entirely sure what else to write. Hmm. To any of my friends that remember me from Florida or New Jersey, ones that I was seriously personally friends with, like, that I met, if you ever want to talk to me, just PM me, I'll tell you my new house # and cellphone #.
Hope everyone is doing well. Don't be emo. Trust me. Not. Worth. It.
And don't do drugs.
Except pot.
Pot is okay.
Not harmful to people in any way, shape, or form. So yeah.
Love love.
And no, I'm not on pot.
...yet.
Just kidding.
Or am I?
BWAHAHA.
^3^
<3,
~KHAOS
Ok, say what now???
So, last time I updated this, I was happy and back with Tyler. Well, here's the NOT SHOCKING news.
He moved to Provo with his grandpa and broke up with me.
We were still being cute, you know, but it really sucked, and I was really depressed. I pretty much moped around all the time, and when friends would talk to me, I would usually just nod...or say, "ya" or "no". Well...I was hanging out with Tyler's best friend, Alec. The one I dated before. He ended up asking me back out. Here I am, depressed, pretty much gone, and he is asking me out. What do you think I said?
I just nodded. Said "ya...sure..."
When I realized that it was too awkward because every time he kissed or held me I had to think of Tyler to tolerate it, I decided to send a text to Tyler. I told him I had to talk to him about some things.
Alec had also texted Tyler, telling him what was going on and that he needed to talk to him about it to know if it was okay.
Tyler never answered.
Devin, my accquaintance, had mentioned me and Alec to Tyler one day while she was borrowing my friend's phone. Tyler got pissed off. So did Devin. She pretty much turned against me completely. For two days. HAHA! It didn't last. The anger, I mean. But that day, Tyler said that it's like a law that you don't date your best friend's ex. I could only call him a hypocrite since he and Devin had dated. Without permission. There is simply no such law.
Tyler and myself argued and argued until he finally texted, saying, "Gtfo of my life just leave me alone" (gtfo=get the fuck out). I told him some mean things, that I rather regret saying, and haven't talked to him since. It has been a week now.
I spoke with Devin about what happened. I told her, "It just amazes me that no matter how many times I forgave him for all the mistakes he made, which there were a lot of, I make ONE little mistake, I explain myself and apologize sincerely, and he can't accept it." We both agree that it must be some GUY thing. We aren't sure yet.
I can say this, though. No matter how many fights me and Tyler get in, no matter how many times this happens, it always goes right back to how it once was. We always recover and forgive each other. We always bounce right back. And in due time, one of us will give in. We will start talking again, and we will get back together. It never fails. Eventually, we will be one of those married couples that fights all the time.
...I don't want that.
Don't get me wrong, I love him very much. With all my heart, mind, and soul. I can't get him out of my head, nor my heart. But I refuse to live like that. It makes me sick.
Literally.
Since he left me, I have been ill. Coughing hard enough that I can't catch my breath, getting fevers, nausea is constant...and those pains in my chest that I used to get mildly?
Severe now.
I'm not entirely sure how to handle it anymore. But I'm trying my best. I won't lie, though. I miss him a lot. I want to talk to him, but I am afraid to say anything.
Shall I move on as best I can? I don't know.
I do like someone else now, though. He is very sweet, funny, I enjoy talking to him, and he supports me. Unless I'm doing something bad or something. Then he tells me I shouldn't and does all he can to make me stop whatever I'm doing that may be harmful to myself. He is 18. I met him on myyearbook. And I forgot to mention...he is very cute. Handsome. Okay, insanely good looking. Haha.
But it's his personality that is pulling me in. I love it. He is so great. I wish he lived closer, so that we could actually try something. Like, date. But yeah...
So I guess that's all for now. My last day of school is on the 28th of May, and I can sluff all my classes...
...legally. X3
So I plan to spend a lot of time on the internet. ^_^ If anyone is up for a chat or two. Anyway...bye for now.
~Khaos
p.s. That is a pic of me. It is more recent.
Just thought I would say...
Okay so I just thought I would say that me and Tyler are completely incapable of not speaking to one another. O_o It's....terrible. Pathetic. We are friends again. I just don't understand it. And you know what? I'm a terrible liar. Because I DO miss him horribly, and I wish he would decide to keep his promise instead of leave for good. I hate that he is choosing someone who lied, cheated, got pregnant with the person she cheated on him with, and left him...I just...UGH. I don't understand anymore. I want MY Tyler back. It really sucks.
Yet another update...
Okay, so it's been a while...probably because I was on spring break. Anyways. A lot has happened since then...Oh yesh. I tend to be getting on facebook and myyearbook a lot lately...So sorry about being neglective to theOtaku lately! I do love it here, I do...I just have lots of stuff to check nowadays. My report card looked really good, but I don't think I'll be getting my phone back until the summer, which sucks, because I have some friends I would really like to be talking to. Tyler, Heaven, Josh, Lorena, and my little brother...*sigh* Sucky. But yeah, anyway. So I have been listening to a lot of music by Prodigy. You know, the group that did the songs "Firestarter," "Smack My Bitch Up," and "Breathe". They are kind of like....electronica. I really like listening to them lately. Their music is so fun.
I've been drawing, but...not a lot. I don't know, I'm kind of sick of drawing as of late. But I did do a drawing that I'm rather proud of today. A second try at Haruko Haruha, and it turned out lovely. I can improve it, but...oh well. I can't post it yet, but I promise I will eventually. Like when I have time.
Poetry and all that is still rolling, and I finished the third scene of Epicity: Emo Finds Happy. I haven't posted it here yet, but I will. I think I liked this scene the best out of the other ones.
So I started to watch FLCL again. And I'm obsessed again. Haruko is my favorite, I think she will always be my favorite...haha.
I drew all over both of my arms today. O_o I got so bored in first and second hour...I wrote "Renaissance Khaos" on my arms...3 times on the left, once on the right...then there was "Shitakunai! Don't Want!", FLCL on my left and right hand and my left knuckles...a broken black and white heart...my friend wrote "Devin loves u!!" on my left arm, and there is a smiley face on my right wrist, LAWL on my right knuckles, "yatta!" on my right arm, and a kitty face on my right arm. Can you say UBER EPIC BOREDOM!?!?? Lol. Now I just have to draw on my legs. =P I think I might get "Renaissance Khaos" tattooed on my left shoulder...the way that I write it...it would look really cool. If I get my phone back, I'll take a pic of the way I wrote it on my arm and post it somewhere...probably my yearbook.
Well well well. I look really emo lately. I have been wearing my bangs in my face. I do my eyeshadow two different colors, black on the left and red on the right, dark maroonish gold lipstick, mascara, black fingernails...a lot of dark clothing, sometimes skinny jeans, too. It's...frickin amazing. Lol. But I haven't cut or anything, which Tyler is really happy about...he said it hurts him when I cut myself, so...bleh. I want to, though. Then there's Monty, too...he doesn't like it when I cut, either. So I'm doing my best to resist the urges. Instead, I've been pulling all nighters, and drawing on myself. Hehe.
I should share my yearbook account name on here, just in case people want to talk to meh...it is Renaissance Khaos. Named after what I will call my band. ^^ I'd love to have more friends, if anyone has an account and wants to talk to me. Besides, I'm on there much more often than I am on here or anywhere else.
Well, I think I'm going to wrap this up now. There's not much more to say! I'll try and update more often if I can. Much love.
~KHAOS
Another Updateth
Yes, updateth. Sounds weird, I know. But I don't really care! HAHAHA! Okay, so. I saw Alice in Wonderland. I freaking loved it! It was soooooooo great! The only thing that I am having an issue with is that I can't figure out if I'm imagining things or if the Mad Hatter and Alice had something going on. Like, that they were falling for each other. It certainly seemed like it!!! Eh! It will keep bothering me until I figure it out. I may have to watch it over again. But it would seem that I might actually be a little right, cause I've seen fanart with them and wallpapers with them together...I don't know. I think I'm losing my mind. HAHA! We're all mad here...lol. That ship has already sailed FAAAR away with me.
So I got most of my stuff back. My iPOD, Seizan, my stereo, Kat...now I'm working on getting house internet privaleges back, and my phone, and jewelry. Yeah, me and Tyler are still engaged. I don't know how this really works, that me and him are engaged but not dating. Oh well, him and my best friend broke up, so...and he is single right now, so I'm content. Yeah, I talked to him about everything, and mentioned that I might need a reminder from him every now and again that he still loves me and is going to keep his promise, even if he must tell me in secret. He chuckled and said, "I'm going to just get a book of sticky notes and put them all over for you one of these days...I don't know how many times I have to tell you, you're stuck with me forever." I couldn't help but giggle.
I am really getting excited right now...I can't wait to put my videos onto my iPOD. Seizan will be so pleased. Teehee~!
Oh, I have been dressing kind of boyish lately. O.o I wore a white tank top with a dress t-shirt over top of it, one that is for a guy. And I wore a tie with it, and jeans...normal shoes...my wristband...yeah. The only girliness about me right now is my makeup and my hair. Oh, and my chest. ;P LOL! AND! The fact that I don't have a cock. HA.
Me and my language....SHAME SHAME!!! I hope not very many people read these, because sometimes, I don't control my language, and I would be DEVASTATED if someone got offended...(actually doesn't care, but pretends to) Hense my almost never saying GOD anywhere. OH! I'VE SINNED!!! Nyeh...sorry. that was mean of me. (still kind of doesn't care, but tries to restrain self) I am sorry. Haha. I can't help it.
I live in a state full of religious people, and I'm NOT religious, so...sometimes it gets frustrating. I swear, as soon as me and Tyler DO marry, I'm getting Devin, and all three of us are MOVING OUT of this state. Somewhere that there aren't so many religious people all around us. I swear, where I live, they are around every corner, saying, "GOD LOVES YOU, YOU MUST COME TO MY CHURCH!!! JOIN US...JOIN US..." Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get the point. I'm not religious and I would like to live somewhere that it isn't some kind of crime punishable by death to everyone around me. It gets kind of difficult having so many Mormon friends sometimes...
I've gone to church before, but...I just have no interest in it. Religion makes so many people so...ignorant. I mean, really...look past the bullshit, people...stop giving in so easily to a lie...nobody has even proven that God or Jesus or whatever whoever really existed, so come on...people need to question religion a little more. I mean really, how can someone believe that some average joe just randomly talked to God, and an angel who was a white native american, and then he could translate golden plates by looking in a dark hat with these weird looking stones in it? Yeah, no...I don't see it happening. (realizes that self is ranting and clears throat) Sorry. It just...it gets on my nerves so much sometimes....
Anyway. This past Sunday was the two year anniversary of my Great Aunt's death. I've been kind of sad, but, I don't think anyone can tell. Except for Tyler, I think. He asked what was up the other day, but I lied and told him I was tired...he called bullshit on that, but I smiled and said, "Oh well...Maybe I'll tell you later."
I think he gave me a reminder this morning. Sort of. He held out this money thing, and said, "Can I buy you? Forever?"
"Um...you don't have to, Tyler."
"Oh, wait, so you're paying to have ME forever?"
"No...you already own me...technically..."
"Oh..! YAY!" *smiles, hugs, and walks off*
ME:*just stands there for a moment looking completely lost*
Yeah, that was the dialogue between us this morning. It was amazing.
Oh, I'm practicing my calligraphy. You know, with Kanji and stuff. So far it looks pretty good, just as long as I stick to the correct stroke orders. Hehe...stroke orders...that sounds kinda dirty. LOL.
Anyway, I'm getting bored of typing here right now. I have several new poems and songs that I might post later if I feel like it and if I have the time. Bye bye for now.
~Arianna
