@bookworm4444:

Oh, that's perfectly alright. I do that too. ^_~

@Shadweh:

sorry about that... sometimes my mind runs away and i forget to put it on paper

(*applauds*) Very nice. However, I do agree with chibi-anna-chan with regards to some of your sentences. On another note, I will admit that I had to reread the part where you were writing about the bag of swords taking a life of its own. I got a little confused at first with that. Other than that though, your story flows smoothly. ^_^

@KyuuketsukiTsuki:

Thanks sis!
~the little sis

As your sister, it's amazing ^_^
As an anti-fantasy activist, it's still pretty amazing ^_^

Magic. Blacksmiths. TOTAL fantasy stuffetie-stuffs. But it's still really really good ^_^

Sorry for not commenting sooner!!!

Lub
Your big sister
Kyuu

@Kaerlyn:

Thank you! Thanks for your advice too, I'll try to remember to break off my sentences more and add commas more too. I once got in trouble for having a conclusion that was one sentence long but three lines long, whoops. =)Thanks again!

Nice job. I think that perhaps you could break up your sentences a little, perhaps use a comma as a pause here and there.

Somehting like this: instead of ---"Finally the boy took his father by the arm and gently led him to a hollow tree a little ways off the main road and led him underground to the cove that the boy had temporarily set up his home in."

Perhaps "Finally the boy took his father by the arm and gently led him to a hollow tree a little ways off the main road. Turning aside, he led him underground to the cove that the boy had temporarily set up his home in."

I do like the starting though, the 'chink, chink...' -- I think that was a good start ^^

wow! Thanks!