I agree with KIRA - when there's more than 2 characters speaking simultaneously, it's better to put their names before their lines, like in a script. It's not strange, it's just necessary in multilateral dialogs for the reader not to get lost. I got a bit lost too, LOL...
Sorry for the late comment, I've just joined the play and I'm getting updated...
Yours is nice too! Just because it's different doesn't mean it's not good!! Your format reminds me of a play. you know..
Enter the foyer of a vast mansion. It's night, and the moonlight seeps in gently through the windows overhead. Here stands Bob and Bill, conversing over what should happen:
Bob: What do you think?
Bill: I don't know...maybe we should back off...
--Tee hee. See what I mean? I like plays and I totally understand how you can't reveal too much just yet. ^^ I was just giving a suggestion. ^^ You don't even HAVE to change this post...you can just rework things in ur next one. Practice makes perfect! You'll be fine!
and my caracter, Rei (Yoko) goes to the same school, hihi..we're musicians..we rock:P
:-<..so many people here posted already..i must hurry too..i'm kinda lazy:-s
Last edited by omocha omocha at 12:25:06 PM EDT on March 12, 2009.
Ok I'll put who is saying what, but I thought this will make it look kind of stupid, everyone wrote so nice...but I did only a lot of conversation...but that is all I can afford right now for J.J. She is just showing that she is here. The other characters are not so important...yet.
Yeah she attends a Music school, it's a public school not a private school.
T_T I knew this is gonna happen....ok I'll try to modify it a little so you could understand. But what exactly you do not understand? the conversation, who is saying what or the plot?
Last edited by Quiet Noise at 6:07:50 AM EDT on March 12, 2009.
lol I like it. I'm curious about all the characters who are here(I'm a very curious person)...but I'm liking the plot. The only suggestion is that maybe you put WHO is saying their lines...I have a feeling some ppl didn't follow. lol, I'm used to reading just about anything so I got it ^^
I look forward to seeing JJ at school! ^^ Does she attend the same public school as the others?
Sole Storyteller
Otaku Legend | Posted 06/08/09 | Reply
@Quiet Noise:
I agree with KIRA - when there's more than 2 characters speaking simultaneously, it's better to put their names before their lines, like in a script. It's not strange, it's just necessary in multilateral dialogs for the reader not to get lost. I got a bit lost too, LOL...
Sorry for the late comment, I've just joined the play and I'm getting updated...
Support KIRA
Sleeping Dragon (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
@Quiet Noise:
Yours is nice too! Just because it's different doesn't mean it's not good!! Your format reminds me of a play. you know..
Enter the foyer of a vast mansion. It's night, and the moonlight seeps in gently through the windows overhead. Here stands Bob and Bill, conversing over what should happen:
Bob: What do you think?
Bill: I don't know...maybe we should back off...
--Tee hee. See what I mean? I like plays and I totally understand how you can't reveal too much just yet. ^^ I was just giving a suggestion. ^^ You don't even HAVE to change this post...you can just rework things in ur next one. Practice makes perfect! You'll be fine!
omocha omocha
Otakuite+ | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
and my caracter, Rei (Yoko) goes to the same school, hihi..we're musicians
..we rock:P
:-<..so many people here posted already..i must hurry too..i'm kinda lazy:-s
Last edited by omocha omocha at 12:25:06 PM EDT on March 12, 2009.
Quiet Noise
Otaku Eternal | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
@Support KIRA:
Ok I'll put who is saying what, but I thought this will make it look kind of stupid, everyone wrote so nice...but I did only a lot of conversation...but that is all I can afford right now for J.J. She is just showing that she is here. The other characters are not so important...yet.
Yeah she attends a Music school, it's a public school not a private school.
Quiet Noise
Otaku Eternal | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
@Kill Sasuke:
T_T I knew this is gonna happen....ok I'll try to modify it a little so you could understand. But what exactly you do not understand? the conversation, who is saying what or the plot?
Last edited by Quiet Noise at 6:07:50 AM EDT on March 12, 2009.
Support KIRA
Sleeping Dragon (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
lol I like it. I'm curious about all the characters who are here(I'm a very curious person)...but I'm liking the plot. The only suggestion is that maybe you put WHO is saying their lines...I have a feeling some ppl didn't follow. lol, I'm used to reading just about anything so I got it ^^
I look forward to seeing JJ at school! ^^ Does she attend the same public school as the others?
Kill Sasuke
Otaku Legend | Posted 03/12/09 | Reply
... WHA???
Arisa: *turns head sideways until she falls off chair* I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
Kill Sasuke: ummm, can we get an explanation please??