Awesome chapter, can't wait to see where it goes ^-^
Only on problem i picked up, which is that in this paragraph:
""When it is in its sheath, it doesn't pulsate like that. The sheath traps the powers of the knife," he explained as though I should know this already. He paused as he fingered the sheath in his belt. "So, what's your name, your story?""
You slipped into first person point of veiw.
But that's a simple mistake
Other than that i couln't find anything that really needed improving. Great job
XxXWinXGirlXxX
Otaku Legend | Posted 01/13/10 | Reply
@:
I'm sorry you're upset! If you need anything let me know. But, I'm glad my story distracted you enough, even for a few minutes.
VWBSZWAS
Otaku Legend | Posted 01/13/10 | Reply
@XxXWinXGirlXxX:
Lolz. I've done it a few times myself so i know how it feels XD
XxXWinXGirlXxX
Otaku Legend | Posted 01/12/10 | Reply
@VWBSZWAS:
Oops, thanks. I'm not used to writing in third person because I think in first person, so I accidentally let it slip. But thanks for catching that!
VWBSZWAS
Otaku Legend | Posted 01/12/10 | Reply
Awesome chapter, can't wait to see where it goes ^-^
Only on problem i picked up, which is that in this paragraph:
""When it is in its sheath, it doesn't pulsate like that. The sheath traps the powers of the knife," he explained as though I should know this already. He paused as he fingered the sheath in his belt. "So, what's your name, your story?""
You slipped into first person point of veiw.
But that's a simple mistake
Other than that i couln't find anything that really needed improving. Great job
*hugs*