Hello and welcome to Madison Avenue!
I'll keep it short and simple: read, view, comment, etc, or don't, whatever.
Thanks for stopping by,
Madison

Do we mean the things we do, do we do the things we mean?

:P

Yeah so, ignore all emotion from the last post ... I have once again over reacted to absolutely nothing....
Basically the party went great. Everyone had alot of fun, and Ian was really liked what I got him for Christmas (Truthfully Truthdfully and Ashtray Rock, both by Joel Plaskett). His initial reaction was 'I thought you were my Christmas gift?' (Like a week ago we went to this party and they has that song on, All I Want for Christmas is You') When he opened he said it he said it was perfect :)
Its odd. I've only known Ian since school started and even we didn't start seeing each other until about a month or so ago, but I keep thinking 'I love you'
I'm afraid I'll say it and he'll get freaked out. I couldn't blame him, I'd do the same. But I'm more afraid I'll say it and he'll say he love me too. Where does that leave us?
I don't want to be 'in love', whatever that is. I'll figure it out eventually ... :P

I'm Having A Pity Party

Feel free to join me.

I just realize that the only people I invited to my New Year's party are Aaron, Alana, Ian, Jeff, and Becca. Becca can't come.
I feel like such a fucking loser. I'm an idiot. I'm not even capable of making a decent playlist. Who the fuck listens to Violent Femmes or Joel Plaskett or the fucking Beatles? I let Alana make the playlist. What difference does it make? No ones going to dance.
Ian gave up going to another party so he could come to mine. What the fuck? And now him and his best friend are going to spend New Years at my house with my best friends and my aunt and uncle. Yeah, real fucking cool.
I keep telling myself I'll never host another party because this always happens. 'Quality before quantity' right? Wrong. No one wants to be one of a party of five. Its so fucking lame.
God, I'm such an idiot. Ian said he doesn't want to 'screw up' because he really likes me. Holy shit, he thinks he screwed up? Wait til he sees this bullshit. He thinks I have alot of friends because for some fuck all reason people like to tell me things. I don't tell people things, but they tell me things. I don't talk to people, they talk to me. And somehow that means I have alot of friends? If I have alot of friends, then why do I feel the need to keep everyone in my life seperate from one another?
Ian met some of friends ONCE. I pray to god it never happens again.
My plan for grade ten was to not be such a loner. I gave up being with the people I clung to, people I didn't get along with or even like. I TALKED to people in class. TALKED to them. I used to sleep through all my classes. I tried to be sociable. I tried out for a fucking musical! I RAISE MY HAND IN CLASS.
I know this sounds like everyday shit for most people, but I'm such a loner. Sometimes when people talk to me, I freeze up and I end up staring at them until they give up and go away.
I know I suck, but I'm trying so hard. I have no idea why I'm so upset. Its probably going to be fine, it usually is, but I'm still sitting here praying and hoping and trying to convince myself that ... that what? Everything will be okay? That I will somehow manage to pull off whatever the fuck I've gotten mysef into?
I don;t know what parties are like. Know why? Yeah, I don't go to parties. Why would I be wanted there? I'm no fun. I don't drink. I don't fuck. I don't do anything. I'm a straight edge. I walk the fucking line. Somehow, theres nothing about me thats strikes people. Fuck, I try. I want to be noticed. I want to be someone that people want to get to know better and hang out with.
Know what I do after school? I go to work. When I don't work, I do homework. When I don't to homework, I listen to music and visit websites trying to find a concert to fill at least one hole in my social calendar.
Sigh. I'm done bitching myself out online. Happy New Years.

Facebook Notes

Holy fuck am I ever pissed. Everytime I try to type something, my palm hits the mouse pad and I erase something. I just poured my soul into a post and now its gone... Damn.
Well at least now I got it off my chest and no one has to read it and feel some obligation to comment :P
Night all. . .

Merr Christmas :)

And happy respective holidays to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas :)I'm Catholic, so I say to you Happy Jesus Day :D
I just want to say thanks to everyon who wished me a Merry Christmas or a gift :) Particularly Inu-chan, Noir, Tiggerola, SK, MIC, and Quiet Noise, thanks so much!!

Hospital Music

So I'm listening to this CD, Hospital Music by Matthew Good, becaseu I haven't listened to it at all since I got into Joel Plaskett. I went to a Matt Good concert on Thursday and it was fuckin awesome.
No jokes, one of the best concerts I've ever been to. Its a second to Dean Lickyer at Rockbar :)
I was kinda worried because he gets in these moods where he's really cynical and meloncholy (don't know if I spelled that right ... ) and the shows aren't too great. But the third song he did was Load Me Up, one of my all time favourites. By the third verse everyone was on their feet, singing and dancing. So he hits a chord and starts the first line, and the audience fills in the rest :D
"Picture yourself at the MGM grand
Murphy's fighting Occam, you're in the stands
You're in the stands and ... "
Then it goes on and the audience goes crazy, and I knew it would a great show. He also did Born Losers, Us Remains Impossible, and *Apparitions*
Its not a Matt Good show without Apparitions ♥
Afterwards, dad was all retarded and started singing in the lobby, but I put a stop to that pretty damn fast :P I love him, but he can't sing for shit.
Oh damn, gotta change the song, this one makes me cry...