Ni: Fangirls and Backflips

Zoro walked through the labyrinthine corridors and sighed, accepting that he was hopelessly lost. It had been hours since Moogles had abducted him and sure enough, the swordsman was now unable to find any of his crewmates. Usually there was some sort of loud racket for him to follow, but this time the entire place was a big, huge disturbance… which really did not help much at all.

“How can a tent have so many damn halls and rooms?” he wondered aloud. Well, it was not all that bad. Moogles had been trying to dress him up after all. It irritated Zoro how a fully grown man could think that he was some oversized nursery doll.

Opening up a door, Zoro cursed when all he found was a room full of costumes. He tried the door next to it and saw that it was a storage room for props. Cursing loudly again, he kicked against the door across the hallway from the last. It broke open and revealed a very startled dancer woman who appeared to have been very content with her companion, her leg hoisted so that it had begun to wrap around the blond chef’s waist in order to make their embrace volumes more intimate. As soon as she saw Zoro however, she jumped back from Sanji and scuttled off. Zoro looked at the woman, completely confused and wondering why she had to bolt like that.

“Aho-marimo!” Sanji snapped, going and kicking Zoro in the head. “I was almost about to get some! How dare you take that away from me!?”

“Oi! I never did anything on purpose, shit-cook!” Zoro growled, reaching for his swords. Before he could reach the hilts, however, Sanji had already landed another kick on his shoulder, sending Zoro to the floor. The blond decided to pin his prey to the ground, taking Zoro’s wrists and securing them in place with his own hands. Zoro scoffed as he found Sanji hovering only inches above him, trapping him as if he was some woman he wanted so horribly that he just cut to the chase and skipped the pre-bang flirting.

“You never, ever, should get in my way when it comes to women,” Sanji sneered, glaring evilly down at Zoro. The blond dug his knee into the swordsman’s thigh, so as to cause him pain. Zoro’s reaction was a large wad of snot and spit propelled into Sanji’s right eye.

“Bastard…”

“Marimo…”

The two men remained solid in their stalemate, neither man moving a muscle and giving the other the potential to beat the living guts from the enemy. In fact, Zoro almost fell asleep laying there under Sanji’s grasp; that is until a shrill squeal could be heard not too far off. The chef and swordsman looked over down the hall to see a group of what appeared to be women, all smiles and giggles.

“Look minna!” said one of the girls, pointing at Sanji and Zoro. “Shonen-ai bishonen!” The rest of the girls squealed and the pack moved together towards the fighting men.

“Oh, shit,” Zoro cursed, throwing off Sanji in a panic. When he discovered that the chef was just waiting with a heart eye for the women to advance upon him, he grabbed the man by the wrist and dragged him off as well.

“What are you doing shit-marimo!?” Sanji objected as they ran down the hallway.

“Just run away!” Zoro shouted back. “I’ve had to deal with girls like this before back when I traveled with Johnny and Yosaku!”

“What’s so wrong about them!?” Sanji asked angrily as Zoro made them turn a corner, losing the women. Zoro stopped dragging him along, turned around and panted heavily.

“They don’t want to be with us,” he said with exasperation. “They want the two of us to make out.”

“I’ll gladly kiss every last one of those lovely beauties,” Sanji cooed, going heart-eyed at some invisible female. Zoro took his crewmate by the shoulders and shook him back to reality.

“They don’t want to kiss us,” Zoro said, his face now pale and frightened. “They want us to make out with each other! You and me… kiss! Not them!”

“Wha…?” Sanji gasped. He thought about how the two of them were positioned when the girls found them. His mouth gaped open in shock. Had there been a cigarette there, it would have fallen to the floor, but considering the events of the past twenty minutes, there had no time to light up another. “Zoro, you can’t be serious.”

“They’ll steal our clothes and force us to do nasty things with one another until they give them back,” Zoro said grimly, remembering solemnly the fate of the other two bounty hunters. Sanji could tell that this time, Zoro was not just yanking his chain. Obviously, the swordsman truly had dealt with creatures such as these before and was not willing to deal with them again. In a panic, Sanji lit up a new cigarette in order to calm down. He was about halfway done burning it to the filter when the gaggle of females reappeared at the end of the hallway.

“Get them!” squealed their leader. A volley of girlish squeaks and yelps were heard and the girls began to make their advance.

“RUN!” both guys screamed at the same time. Spinning on their heels, Zoro and Sanji took off for what would hopefully be safety in some unknown place.

“I told you!” Zoro said.

“Oh, shut up!”

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“This is where we were supposed to meet Darla-san, right?” Chopper asked inquisitively. He was standing in the middle of an empty tent with Usopp and Luffy and no Darla to be seen. It had definitely been an hour since they had last seen her and were beginning to worry about the girl.

“Usopp! I don’t want the voice to sound like Sanji again!” Luffy cried into the sniper’s shoulder. “I wanna go back to Merry-go!”

“We have to stay here,” Usopp sighed. “Besides, we can’t leave this island for three weeks. Do you really want to be on the ship for three weeks when you could be wandering around the island instead?” Luffy looked at him with watery eyes and nodded lightly.

“There you guys are!” came Darla’s voice. The pirates looked to see that Darla had walked into the tent looking very cross. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Elsa-san told us to meet you here!” Chopper explained. Darla looked over at him and smiled.

“Did she?”

“Hai!”

“Okay then, I guess it was just miscommunication,” she said. She looked over at the two human teens and snickered slightly. Luffy was hiding behind Usopp like a frightened bunny being confronted by a wolf. His face was bright red and she could have sworn she heard a whimpering sound.

“Stop that!” Usopp snapped, shoving Luffy away. Darla laughed as the two began to fight, ultimately ending up being something she needed to become involved in.

“Alright you two,” she said after pounding their foreheads together. “You guys are going to be my partners for this act, right?”

“Right!” Luffy and Usopp said, saluting vigorously.

“This means that you two have to prove to me what you’ve got. What kind of special talents do you have?”

“I’ll show you!” Luffy gladly volunteered. He took hold of Usopp’s hand and ran off towards the other side of the tent, allowing his arm to stretch out. Darla gasped at the sight.

“Elsa-san was not kidding… someone with the Gomu-Gomu no Mi can stretch significantly.”

“Yeah,” Usopp sighed, scratching the back of his head. “This is nothing though. “I’ve seen a man whose arm was naturally this long. It was back in the spring of eighty-nine and I remember it well…”

“Watch out!” Darla gasped. Usopp looked over towards where Luffy was and had no time to react. Luffy’s arm was going back to normal, sending the rest of his body through the air like a slingshot. Usopp let go of Luffy’s hand and threw himself to the floor in Evasive Maneuver Number Twelve. Darla, however, was caught up by the rubber-man’s speed and the two of them collided and ended up bouncing across the tent in a large mess of surprise and embarrassment.

“What in the…!?” Darla asked, startled out of her mind. She sat up and realized that Luffy had ended up strewn across her lap. She gently pushed him off as Chopper and Usopp ran over to them.

“Don’t worry; you get used to it,” Usopp said, offering a hand to help her get up. Darla accepted it and found that Luffy was rendered unconscious. Actually, it was more like he was sleeping, but Darla did not exactly care to find out. She looked down at the rubber teen and smiled.

“Oh, Luffy,” Chopper groaned, taking his captain’s pulse. “Why do you always have to be so reckless?”

“So then this is not a random occurrence?” Darla asked.

“No,” Usopp and Chopper sighed. Darla laughed slightly and then seized Usopp’s wrist.

“Come on,” she said, dragging Usopp off towards the training equipment. “Luffy or no Luffy, we still have to get ready for tomorrow’s show!”

“Hey! I’m up!” Luffy announced, springing back to his feet. The other three looked at him and smiled.

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Henk slipped through the carnival crowd stealthily, barely being noticed by anyone despite his broad build. He passed by a flamboyantly depressed Moogles and walked into the back portion of the tents. Going by practiced memory and instinct, he entered one of the corridors and a room attached to it. An older man with colorful face paint and blue-grey hair sat at a table, attempting to play checkers with himself. The man stroked his large red nose in thought and jumped six pieces in a row, letting out a defeated groan.

“Oi, Pram,” Henk said, alerting the checkers-playing man to his presence. Pram saw Henk and scowled.

“What do you want? You already told me about the Mugiwara. We’re setting up the trap to capture him as we speak…”

“Pram-saaaaan, when can we come out…?” whined a voice from a chest in the corner. Pram walked over and kicked the chest.

“Ah, shut up! All in due time, you lily dogs!”

“Is that Sai’s voice?” Henk asked.

“Yup,” Pram grinned. Henk simply smacked his forehead and sighed.

“You’re getting Darla-chan into this?”

“Why not? It’s about time she does her part!”

“She’s your granddaughter, Pram. She’s only fifteen…”

“All the more reason for her to help me!” Pram said, now much giddier than before. “I’ve got her training two of the pirates, including the Mugiwara, to replace Sai and Kai while they have the ‘flu’, I went and sent fangirls after two more of them. Those men will surrender before any of them knows what’s going on.”

“Fangirls…?” Henk questioned. “Isn’t that a bit harsh?”

“Not at all,” Pram scoffed. “The damn green-haired one broke Moogles’s heart by running away from him; it’s only just of me to sic the fangirls on him. Now as long as Darla-chan can properly gain the trust of the rest of the crew for me, we’ll be fine!”

“There are two women in the crew, you know,” Henk said blandly.

“Bah, that does not matter; they’re women. Now, do you think I should tell Darla-chan about what we’re doing?”

“You never told Darla-chan!?” Henk now broke out into a panic. “What happens if she becomes attached!?”

“Relax,” Pram said, waving his hand limply. “She’s not going to become attached before tomorrow night. That’s impossible.”

“I hope you’re right,” Henk sighed, rubbing this temples out of frustration. “Actually, you better be right.”

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“Oh, come on, you can do it Usopp-san!” Darla shouted up at the ceiling of the tent. The sniper was currently frozen in his spot on the trapeze platform. Luffy and Chopper were both standing next to Darla, looking up at Usopp excitedly.

“Come on Usopp! You can do it!” Chopper cheered.

“Yeah!” Luffy shouted. “Don’t let us down! Besides, I’d catch you if you fell!”

“Thanks! That makes me feel so much better!” Usopp snapped, sarcasm peppering his voice. He stood in his place for a few more minutes before Darla decided to take the lack of action into her own hands.

“Luffy-kun,” she asked sweetly. “Can you go up there and help out Usopp-san for me?” She gave him a wide-eyed glance, batting her eyelashes. The straw-hatted teen nodded with a gulp as his face turned red again. Stretching his arms up to the top, he went up and joined the weak-kneed Usopp up in the rafters.

“Usopp!” Luffy wailed. “I’m having the Sanji Thoughts again! Make it stop! Make it stop!”

“If you are thinking like Sanji so much, then why don’t you go and make yourself a sandwich,” Usopp sighed, rolling his eyes. He gasped out of surprise as Luffy hugged him around the middle in desperation.

“I’m not thinking about food! It scares me! Help, help!”

“Get off of me!” Usopp demanded, trying to get Luffy to let go. He ended up stepping on the edge of the platform and lost his balance. Still holding onto the trapeze ropes, the sniper fell over the edge, screaming at the top of his lungs and taking Luffy with him. The two swung through the air, entangling themselves in the ropes.

“We have a long way to go still, don’t we?” Darla asked. Luffy and Usopp gave a nervous laugh each and sighed.