Oooooooooooo, creepy.
I think it'd be cool if you wrote more to this. I'd read it. :3
Or made more stories. xD

~See you ^^

@ShadowLight:

haha thanx,but do you atleast get that judes mom
is the perky type?lol

@Anomaly:

I agree with Anomaly. Story ends great but it lacks a bit in some of the characters specifically- Jude's mom.

But good job!

@Anomaly:

oooooooooooh I see I see
definately sumthing I will take in account the next time thanx again

@blueangel110:

I wouldn't argue that, it ends effectively so we only have a vague idea of what's in store. But when I was reading it, I didn't think any of the characters were really and truly developed. I think even a short comment by your main character's mom on just exactly why she was letting Edith stay over, instead of just dropping her into the story without a reason would make it more effective. I found that instead of being drawn into the story, I was just asking 'why'. Again, it definitely is just something to think about, I just wanted to make it clear what I thought, and that it wasn't really about the end, it was just the means to the end.

@blueangel110:

I got nothin D: T.T I r useless Y.Y

@ShizukoxIchimaru:

heheh you funneh! I'm gonna check your porfolio now n__n maybe subscribe

@blueangel110:

its ok! :D I do that when I listen to Metallica :3 -sings the 1st three words to All Nightmare Long- Luck. Runs. Out.

@ShizukoxIchimaru:

hahahha awwww I'm sowy =[

@blueangel110:

._. glad to amuse you >3<

@ShizukoxIchimaru:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA
Mwuahahahahha
LMAO!!!!!!!!!LMAO!!
OMgee thats a guud sign,well I am sorry about you being paranoid but it shows that my story was a success lolz

O_o Now I am going to have trouble sleeping...thank you -looks all around- <_< ^_^ >_> v_v great!!! I am paranoid now!!! -looks again- 10/10 -runs into wall from being paranoid- -laughs insanely-

@Anomaly:

thanx,I appreciate your critique

but I feel and others do to,that the story ends just right,It just has one purpose at the end which I hope you guys all grasped
I feel that I fully developed three characters in a short amount of time.I only wanted to get ONE point across in the story and I didnt want it to drag on.
I wanted the end to keep the reader thinking,brainstorm on what might happen.
Hey I am not a big horror fan but I feel and others do to that I did a great job on this.
But thanx n__n I will definately think about that for my next story
thank you for taking your time and reading it.

I liked Edith's character but I feel that it fell flat. The ending would've worked better if Edith's character had been a little more fully developed. The story needs a bit more of a why, to fully flesh it out as an effective one-shot. It's a great start that just needs a little more meat to it's bones =)

Oh my gosh. I wish I could write like this! I actually am writing something for TheOtaku writing thingy too! I just wish mine was as good as yours.....haha. Great descriptions! LOVE IT!!

That's good I like how the end kind of keeps you thinking. Good job