[Be warned, it's gonna be another semi-long post..]
Hello everyone! It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry that I left for a while; I have been so busy with school! >.<
Before I begin, I wanted to give my thanks to ItachiSasuke and StarsSmile especially for your really thoughtful comments on my last post from a while back. I'm grateful for everyone's thoughtful responses, but you two in particular really helped turn my day around, so thank you so much!
But in any case...so there's a couple of things I need to catch you guys up on(or get off my chest..not sure which of the two it is xD).
First is that last Friday, I went to a nursing home with several of my friends from Singer-Songwriter-Society(a musical group I'm in) to perform some solo pieces/sing some Christmas carols, and it was FANTASTIC! That was my first time singing while playing at the same time, so it was a frighteningly new experience for me, but I tried it and all turned out well. ^^
Second, I've been hanging out with a lot of friends quite often. My fellow classmates in Japanese class, in particular, are the people I've been spending time with most. I'm REALLY grateful to have them as friends because I certainly did not have such a great group of people around me in all of my years of high school and middle school. Sure, I'd be friends with them, but I never really felt like I fit in with them and I'm just glad that I've found some people that I can truly be with without any doubts.
That kinda brings me to my problem xD (which isn't really that big of a problem, but in a way it kinda is...?)
It might sound really whiny and pathetic(at least, in my opinion it does..), but nowadays, because I have such wonderful friends, it is SO easy for me to feel lonely when I'm not with anyone. I never had that problem in high school, but perhaps that's just because I didn't feel very connected to the people I knew at school (which sounds really terrible, but in a way it's kind of true).
In any case, so today was the last day I'd get to see my friends in Japanese class before break(we had our final exam today), and I just became REALLY sad all of a sudden. I'm kind of wondering if I'm just being kinda selfish again for wanting to be with them still? Or maybe it's just me wanting to socialize more...? I don't know, it's really strange and I'm kind of feeling pathetic for becoming lonely so easily haha.
Speaking of feelings, have you ever had one of those moments where you liked someone, but you didn't WANT to like them because it'd be opening a bad door?
Yeah...well I'm kind of having that issue right now haha. Race and job/interest preference is such a BIG thing with my parents, I feel like even if it did work out just between us two, it would NEVER work with my parents.
Wow okay this is sounding really cheesy, I'm gonna stop this part of my rant haha.
Basically, this person is an interest I probably should not pursue. Especially since I'm pretty sure he likes my friend. xD
On a completely different note, I can't believe I only have a little more than 10 days to finish like 3 drawings! LOL I really have a lot that I need to do @__@ especially with finals still happening this week.
But all in all, I guess all anyone can really do is just work hard and hope for the best. >.< I feel like I'm a total wreck right now haha.
To anyone that is still taking finals, good luck!~ There's only a little more left to do until the holidays ^^
And to everyone else who is either still in school or already on break, I wish you all the best!~
Take care everyone~! And thanks for putting up with me xD
As the title says, have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! ^^
Thank you to all of you that commented so sincerely on my last post >.< It means a LOT to me and I don't know what came over me when I wrote that but...I'll be sure to go back and reply to everyone when I can~! Today is kind of a busy day with turkey and all! haha
But in any case, Happy Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I'm SO grateful for each and every one of you, and I wouldn't have my life any other way. You all have helped me become who I am and I'm so happy to have you all in my life. ^^
Take care everyone and have a fabulous break!<3
Feeling like I did something wrong.
Or being mean.
Which IS wrong. But some people would say that I'm not being mean when I think I am sometimes?
OTL This is why I feel like I could never be a leader figure for anything..because people think it's so out of my character that I'm at the forefront, that they think I'm being mean or too overly serious when I try to keep to something for a group or event. And maybe I'm just not FIT to be a leader, even though I want to be a good one that everyone will like and be proud of...myself included. =/
It just makes me WANT to be angry...but I don't REALLY want to be angry. Does that make sense?
It's like..I want to feel angry about it and perhaps lash out a bit or say something totally unlike me but at the same time I don't want to because I don't want to hurt someone and I know it's wrong.
This might sound really ridiculous, but I don't know how else to do things besides be who I am...
I just really really don't like it when people say I'm too overly defensive/serious/uptight/unable to be funny...and maybe it's true but I can't say anything back when someone says those kinds of things to me because I don't want to hurt them or make it seem like I'm trying to lash out on them.
It doesn't make sense...if I try to keep something in order, like restating something I've previously said or trying to get everyone to focus on the subject when there's little time left to be together, it always comes back to hit me in the face as "my gosh, I'm REALLY sorry...GEEZ you don't have to be so uptight about it".
I've been told to embrace myself and my qualities more, but I don't know how I could do that especially in regards to this whole being too serious thing when so many people don't like that about me...it just makes me feel like I'm an awful person and I want to change that aspect when I can't.
Even on the internet, I often get it and it just makes me so sad. One of my biggest fears is hurting other people, especially emotionally, and this is why I often don't say much when I feel strongly about something, because it's often taken as "why are you being so serious about this?" or "GEEZ, calm down, gosh I'm sorry." or "well fine, but really, what's your problem??" or they say any of the previously mentioned phrases and then just back out of the whole thing and are just like "well my word I'm SORRY, maybe I'm not cut out for this. I'm out.".
Like..I really just want someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong? I try to be sociable..but of course, that's all in my own mind I guess. I don't want to hurt anyone...even though sometimes I REALLY feel like lashing out or venting about something, I try not to because I know people would think it's "too unlike me" and I'd HATE to hurt someone emotionally in any way at all.
I mean yeah, maybe I should just let everyone run amok so I won't get whacked in the face for being "too serious about keeping things in order". Maybe I should just laugh at EVERYTHING, even when I don't mean it.
I just don't know what to do... and it's just horribly frustrating because I can't seem to shake it. T__T
This rant is REALLY random, sorry T__T but it just came up after some things lately...
It's also a REALLY REALLY selfish post, and I apologize for that so much. I'm so so sorry.
I'll put up a happier post tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving~
I'm sorry to be such a downer the day before the holidays >.< Please forgive me!
Take care everyone~
Hello hello!~ I know I'm the host LOL but I'm just writing up my wishlist here ^^
In any case...here goes!
Dear Secret Santa,
I'm a person who loves to give many options so the other person may choose the one most to his/her liking. ^^ So don't be surprised by the options haha! I'd love any of them equally, so don't feel pressured to choose one over the other.
For media, I don't really care haha. I love ALL forms of art, so even if all you do is pencil, rest assured, I'll love it. ^^ <3
I'm a bit of a pencil artist myself anyways lol
Just a note, I don't like horror/gore/explicit/sexual and same goes for yaoi/yuri >.<
Characters I like(please feel free to do any of the characters alone as well)
1)Shirayuki and Zen from Akagami no Shirayukihime together(as a couple). Their clothes are really ornate(and changes a lot), so that's a bit of a challenge haha but you're welcome to design whatever you'd like for them.
Please take note of Shirayuki's super bright red hair(if you've never seen her before xD) and that Zen is a prince(so they both often wear regal clothing). Sorry for lack of refs but this manga isn't super popular yet haha.
Zen and Shirayuki-[link] [link] [link]
2)Alice Liddell and Blood Dupre together from Heart No Kuni no Alice/Alice in the Country of Hearts.
You can also do Alice and Julius. But really I'm not picky so you could do any of them by themselves too if you wanted xD
Alice-->[link] [link] [link]
Julius-->[link] [link] [link]
3)Ogami Rei with or without Sakura Sakurakouji from Code: Breaker. His personality is kinda cold and he is very serious, but he does smile sometimes, so keep all of that in mind please. >.<
Ogami Rei--->[link] [link] [link]
Sakura Sakurakouji(the girl)-[link]
4)Alice Seno and Kyo Wakamiya from Alice 19th (or either of them by themselves)
Alice and Kyo--->[link] [link] [link]
Or anyone from the list I have on this World in the Intro post!~
1)My OCs, Kurosawa Itou and Inoue Miharu together.
You're also welcome to draw either of them separately.
Itou-->[link] [link](<<-art by 15385Bic)
Miharu(girl on the right)--->[link]
Both of them together(Miharu's hair is more accurate in this one)-->[link]
Sorry I don't have more refs of them OTL.
You have complete artistic freedom with them!(and don't worry about outfits..I'd actually be curious to see what you'd design for them) They don't have any official outfits haha.
2)My Kingdom Hearts Fan Character, Riiya. She has more of a sweet personality, which is the main thing I guess you'd need to know about her. If you couldn't tell from the second ref lol she really likes Cloud, but it's not reciprocated(though she wishes it were, of course). You can draw them together if you'd like, as well(with Cloud in his KH1 outfit please, despite the second ref below xD).
Refs:[link](<<-old pic omg...) [link](<<-art by FUNimation)
Again, don't mind outfits! You have complete artistic freedom ^^
1)I REALLY love emotional, somewhat romantic, sweet and magical themes. So anything along the lines of angels/purity, greek myths, magic and fantasy are great, if you don't like any of the above options. ^^
2)Here's also a list of couples I like: [link]
The ones with hearts next to them are the ones I'd LOVE to see art of ^^
Anddd I'm pretty sure that's it!<3 I hope you have fun, THAT is the most important part. So please take your time and enjoy yourself! >.< Thank you SO SO much for the time and effort you're putting into this! I appreciate it so much! Take care!<3
Agh I'm so embarrassed by this haha...
Hello everyone~! Couple of things to note before you listen to my voice meme:
1)It is REALLY REALLY loud, so as soon as you open it, turn the volume down way low
(and also my singing ended up sounding a lot louder than it actually did so you can hear the sickness/nervousness in my voice a lot more with the loudness OTL).
2)When I speak to people, especially in America, I try to say Japanese/Korean things in an Americanized accent so they can follow me even though I naturally like to speak with it in the original language... forgive me for my Americanized-sounding and my original-language-sounding pronounciation switch-ups throughout the meme when I say names and titles. xD I couldn't decide which one to use haha!
3)I was pushing it a bit on the singing, mostly because I'm kinda sick(recovering from being sick) and also nervous LOL.
4)I was REALLY wth at the "southern accent" questions xD because I don't have one!
5)It's really long. About 45min to be exact, so if you want to know the order in which I answered the questions to sorta scroll around and find your part, here it is:
The singing is at the very beginning xD(one Disney song, part of one Korean song)
And thank you to everyone on this list who asked questions/requested! xD My singing wasn't that good today because I'm still recovering from being a bit sick but yeah~ I hope it'll suffice.
Sorry if I sound a bit obnoxious or something! >.< I worry about that sometimes haha.
6)I'll record my singing/playing piano properly TOGETHER (when I'm NOT recovering from a sickness haha) for you, Akioh-chan. LOL
Click here for the voice meme!