It's just that the way it is right now, I had to go back and re-read, because I thought, "When did he make the hole?", then remembered he made it in the first draft. So it was a bit confusing. XD
As long as I mentioned it at some point that he made the hole, I don't think I need to change anything. After all, in this draft, he and Naomi aren't as upfront about their powers.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
I looked over the area that you were referring to. I did mention that there was a hole in the brick wall. Were you talking about the fact that he made the hole?
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/08/13 | Reply
I spotted a leftover from when you edited -- you talk about the hole Marshall made in the wall (in the original), but in the revision, it isn't shown fhat he made the hole.
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/18/16 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
No problem!
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/18/16 | Reply
@Kaerlyn:
Thank you! I'm so glad I have a new reader. ^^
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/18/16 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
Thank you for that. I'll go fix that right now.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
Kaerlyn
Tea pixie (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/18/16 | Reply
I have no idea why I've never stumbled into this story before, but I've read the first page and I'm really enjoying it~! ^^
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/16/16 | Reply
Caught a typo!
Dice: "I've never been killed that many times in quick succession.
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 09/28/16 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
Thank you! Glad you liked it. Now to tackle the rest...
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 09/25/16 | Reply
The revisions you made to this chapter worked really well!
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/10/13 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
I'm going to have to reread and work on that in the next draft.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/10/13 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
It's just that the way it is right now, I had to go back and re-read, because I thought, "When did he make the hole?", then remembered he made it in the first draft. So it was a bit confusing. XD
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@elricbrothersfan:
LOL.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
elricbrothersfan
Otaku Legend | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
Marshall... YOU FOOL IN LOVE.
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
As long as I mentioned it at some point that he made the hole, I don't think I need to change anything. After all, in this draft, he and Naomi aren't as upfront about their powers.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
Yup, you never said/showed that Marshall made the hole in the revision, but later on you referred to the fact that he made it.
Last edited by kita mikichi at 4:48:40 PM EDT on October 9, 2013.
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
I looked over the area that you were referring to. I did mention that there was a hole in the brick wall. Were you talking about the fact that he made the hole?
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
No problem! ^^b
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
Thank you for catching that! I'll fix it when I get the chance.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
Aryia
Grand Otaku | Posted 10/09/13 | Reply
Sounds like an amazing story, I'm going to come back to this when I have time to read!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/08/13 | Reply
I spotted a leftover from when you edited -- you talk about the hole Marshall made in the wall (in the original), but in the revision, it isn't shown fhat he made the hole.
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/03/13 | Reply
@Keba Si Rota:
Haha, I don't mind reading it again! XD
Keba Si Rota
Don't Forget 3 Oct (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/02/13 | Reply
@kita mikichi:
Oh, no! I was just going to post the rewritten draft. I'm afraid you might have to read it again.
Thanks for commenting, though.
Call it karma. Call it luck. Me, I just don't give a... BOUNCE!
kita mikichi
Chibi Artist Girl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/02/13 | Reply
Really enjoying this so far!