drew's amazing.

what kind of girl would be so obsessed with you me at six and all time low?

that'd be me. i'm that girl. jessica's the name, and lying is the game. but lying's not always the game, i didn't lie about my obsession right there. i am obsessed with atl and youmeatsix. i can name all of all time low's song just by hearing it, and i know most of the songs from you me at six.

oh my. here i am trying to "wow" you with some decent first impression and already you think of me as some lying band obsessed teenager. well, you must know there is more to me then that.

like my swagger. and my legit-ness. it's pretty ghetto crazy.

if you're anybody who knows anything, then you'll know i have a mild case of heffaphobia? halfaphobia? i don't know. but i do know i have an irrational fear of being touched. well, i wouldn't say it's irrational. i'd like to think it's rational. as rational as can be. either way, do not, under any circumstances enter my little bubble. i freak the fuck out. ask anybody who's anybody.

that's not always the case. if i'm comfortable enough with you or i'm just comfortable that day, i won't mind. with some i'm comfortable around them all the time, with others it's an on and off thing.

another thing about me; i'm always smiling. well, at least eighty percent of the time. if i smiled one hundred percent of the time, my jaw would need some serious work.

now, i'm not saying that i'm a saint or anything, because i can assure you i am most definitely not even remotely close to being a saint. i've been called a bitch far too many times, i've already lost track. i've lied so many times in my life, i couldn't tell you what was the truth if it was standing right in front of me. i've been grounded because of my anger issues and my attitude. i swear far too much for a girl my age, and sometimes my parents are ashamed of me.

but i'm alright with that.

now if you really know me, you'd know i'm also kind of philophobic. i don't know how this has happened, i think it's because of the whole touching thing, i'm so afraid of people getting close to me physically, that my mind has convinced my body that i'm afraid of people getting close emotionally.

that's pretty logical, right?

of course it is. at least, that's what i tell myself.

sure i've had infatuations, but never have i been infatuated enough for a relationship. besides, i'm stressed out enough. i don't need a boyfriend stressing me out too. plus there's the fact that i haven't found the right guy.

no, not "mr. right" because i'm well aware that he won't be coming around like, ever. i'm talking a guy who could handle me and my moodiness. or the fact that i might put myself before anybody else sometimes. that i might be a demanding, nagging, bitch, but he'll stay long enough to see through that and actually like me because he knows my perks.

yeah. that's gonna happen.

oh, yeah. i'm currently in middle school, and basking in my free health care. which is highly appreciated with all the sprains i've gotten. which leads me to the subject of basketball.

basketball is the whole reason why i have this darn sprained ankle. the same ankle i sprained two times before. once in february again, from basketball, and another time about maybe three years ago from soccer. but basketball is def my favourite sport there is. but that doesn't mean i dislike all the other sports, i'm up for something different.

i like sports. don't hate.

my mind's always in the gutter. and i am not just saying that, because it is exactly as it is. the truth. not it's not exactly eighty year old pedophile dirty, just the whole, oh, yeah, i'm gonna laugh because i can take that sexually. which is pretty much most of the time.

i'm conceited, but i don't consider myself pretty. i haven't met one girl yet who is so self-centered they go around telling people how beautiful they are. i've only ever heard all of my girl friends saying they're 'hideous'. which is far from the truth. so, i'm gonna be one of those annoying girls and tell you i am full on hideous. even if you may think it's a lie, i refuse to depart from denial.

i like denial. it's like a secure, little blanket. you know, one that's so soft and warm you can't help but wrap yourself up with it. and it's pure ecstasy because it's yours and no one else's. and with that blanket you don't have to face the truth. you can convince yourself of anything and everything. it's tainted bliss. your tainted bliss.

but in this case, it's mine.

i'm opinionated and almost always brutally honest, if you ask for my opinion i won't hesitate telling you the truth. if i don't like something, i'll straight up tell you i don't like something. but twenty-five percent of the time i hold it in. not for my sake, of course. i just don't wanna be a bitch all the time. it's a life choice.

i may not say what i really think of you, but i will think it. oh, i will. if you're reading this now, thinking what a terrible human being i must be, think about this. even if you haven't exactly told people off or bitched and moaned about someone behind their back, you're judging me right now. and you hardly even know me.

everybody judges on first impressions. sometimes even appearance alone. i do it, i'm not gonna lie about that. so you can't sit there thinking i'm a complete liar, also everybody's lied. even if it's a small, white lie. a lie is a lie, no matter how much you like to think that it's not.

me. i happen to be a compulsive liar. and i've been one for years, it wasn't until this year that i've admit it.

you've heard about my many flaws. and just like my flaws i have many perks. maybe you'll get to see them one day, maybe you won't. only time will tell.

now continue wondering how i sleep at night.

Sincerely, the most legit bitch there is :]


Okay, so, I don't give a shit if nobody reads this, I just really need to get this off my chest and my trusty, old journal just won't do it for me.

I have a best friend. Well, we just got into highschool and she completely changed. I feel like whenever I talk to her, I annoy her. I opened up to this girl and she listened to me. Which not many people do and it felt good! Just to talk to somebody who listened for once.

She didn't brush me off like I didn't matter, she didn't call me stupid for what I did, she didn't get mad at me, she didn't give me a one worded answer before going on and talking about herself. She tried to help. And she did, just by listening. We hung out all the time. Like, every weekend. Not even exaggerating. Her family considered me family, both my parents knew and liked her, and she got along so well with my brother. Which is rare.

I thought I could tell her everything that was bothering me any time and she could talk to me about anything as well. And I did and she could and it was good. I had a best friend. A genuine best friend. Then grade 9 rolls along and she meets new friends. Which is cool with me. I'm not harboring any jealous feelings and I am in no way clingy, but we rarely talk anymore, let alone hang out. She's too busy hanging with them now.

At first, it was like, 'okay, she has new friends, that's fine with me', then she started blowing me off for these friends. Her supposed best friend. Honestly, I feel like we're not even best friends anymore, I feel like we're more of acquaintances. One time, I tried talking to her about how I was feeling and she just, I don't know, didn't care. It sucked. Now she's all about her new friends and on the rare occasion we do hang out, she always talks about her new friends. I feel like I've been side-lined, or just completely taken off the court. I can't talk to her the way I used to. I have friends, people to hang out with outside of school, but she was my best friend. And yeah, okay, I admit I've done this to some of my friends too but I never actually knew how it felt until now and it sucks shit. I owe those people a huge apology.

Well, that's it for my rant. And on a side note, I'm pissed at my mom because I ordered some clothes and she was supposed to be here to sign for them while I was away at school learning shit about fucking canadian citizenship from my bitchy social teacher and then she goes out and buys herself some lancome shit. Honestly. I was really looking forward to wearing them tomorrow because I paid for them with my paycheck. Which I have never done before! The least she could have done was sign the motherfucking box so I could gush and coo over how soft my motherfucking Obey sweater was. Okay. Now I'm done.

Throw Your Ones Up in the Air for Her ;;

The criteria you have to follow in life , is delirious .

you're nice to someone , and & right away you're 'flirting'. Meanwhile you don't talk to them & that makes you stuck up.

You're blunt , or just short & quiet & you're considered a 'bitch'.

Alone & Sad don't always go hand in hand.

You hangout with the guys & you're a 'slut' , you hangout with the girls and there's drama 24/7

You smoke , drink , etc. You're considered 'cool' , eventhough they're life takers. But you don't & you're considered a 'wimp'.

I'm anorexic if I don't eat & fat if i do.

You wear makeup & you're labeled 'fake' .

good grades = a grade grubber?

If you're polite , you're known to be 'putting on an act' , but you're rude & you'll never hear the end of it.

We're always either being told to grow up , or to just be kids.

you don't wear the brand names , and you can't afford them. you do wear the name brands & youre considered 'just like everyone else'

you apologize; you're caving. You don't , you're immature.

- we all have our good & our bad days , but that doesn't mean it's alright to judge.

I've definitely learned just over the past couple months that it's really important you 'don't judge a book by it's cover' , i've made some amazing friends , that i probably would have never even considered talking to before.

I love you guys . <3 :)

I Love the Way You Put it Together ;;

I've always liked my women book and street smart,
Long as they got a little class like half days,
And the confidence to overlook my past ways.
Time heals all, and heels hurt to walk in,
But they go with the clutch that you carry your lip gloss in.
And look, I really think that nobody does it better,
I love the way you put it together.

August 29 2010

Time: 5:39PM

Music: Fancy - Drake ft. T.I & Swizz Beats

Mood; Content.

Well, guess what you guys? I got contacts! Yayy. And I went shopping at American Apparel and it's Troubblesum Shika's B-day!

I absolutely love the song I'm listening to right now. At first I was like, 'Ehh, I kinda don't like it,' but then I'm like, 'oh snap. I love this song.' Not a big fan of Swizz Beats or T.I, but it's decent.

My sweaters that I got for American Apparel are the illest. Urban Dictionary that. AND THEY'RE SO FUCKING SOOOOOFT. Not just like 'Oh, wow. These things are soft,' No. It's like, orgasm-all-over soft. Yeaaaah.

Life for me has been decent and better. Except now I'm struggling with an eating disorder. I can't get myself to eat more then one meal a day. Now I'm bored. Byee :)

I Always Come Right Back ;;

Sex, and drugs, and dirty money.
On the race to rule the world.
Cut your teeth on fame and diamonds.
Your time is up now,
Three, Two, One.
(We number) One.

August 19 2010

Music: The One - Kid Cudi ft. Wale & Drake

Time: 9:52PM

Mood: Neutral

Oh SNAP. I loved Vampires Suck; such a good movie. The ending was just great.

And now TEN THINGS :)

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN people right now:

1. You are so freakin' clingy. It's pretty annoying.

2. So, I'm pretty sure, during high school, you're gonna be pregnant.

3. Grow some balls, and man up, you piece of shit.

4. I can't tell you how sick you make me.

5. You are the sole reason I hardly eat anymore.

6. So, it's cool if you treat me like shit, but when it comes to you guys, you expect my utmost respect? I see how it is.

7. I've been using you for the past year. And I am not sorry.

8. Shut the fuck up.

9. You look like a man.

10. I seriously need you out of my life sometimes.

NINE things about yourself:

1. I hate not wearing a sweater.

2. I enjoy Drake. Very much.

3. I like almost all genres of music.

4. I have a witty sense of humor.

5. I can't go a day without talking about sex.

6. Sometimes, I really wish I never met certain people.

7. No-Named makes me feel like shit. Like absolute shit.

8. I'm secretly jealous of you.

9. I really wanna slap some people. Like, no joke. They just deserve to be bitch-slapped sometimes.

EIGHT ways to win YOUR heart:

1. Sense of humor.

2. No clingy-ness.

3. Don't be a complete ass when we're around different people.

4. Be able to handle me and my... stuff? I can't think of a word to describe me.

5. At least attempt to make me feel a little bit better about myself.

6. Let me sniff you :] And wear your boxers. Just something about boxer shorts that kinda turn me on. But they HAVE to be washed.

7. Be able to handle the fact that my friends will most likely hound your ass.

8. Don't tell me anything you don't mean, and I'll try my best to be honest. All the time.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot

1. Sex.

2. Song lyrics.

3. My friends.

4. My family.

5. My dreams.

6. My appearance.

7. 'Fuck you.'

SIX things you wish you never did:

1. Met you.

2. Let you be little me. Constantly.

3. Let you get to me.

4. Lose you.

5. Let you make me sick.

6. Stopped eating those three days.

FIVE good songs:

1. Ghosts 'N Stuff

2. New Soul

3. Houstalantavegas

4. Sooner Than Later

5. Circle The Drain

FOUR turn ons

1. Humor.

2. Nice hair.

3. Dick ;)

4. Six-pack. Yum.

THREE smiley's that describe your life

1. ;)

2. :)

3. :(

TWO things you want to do before you die

1. Sort out my life.

2. Find that guy.

ONE confession:

It's because you act so disgusted when I eat that I don't eat more then two meals a day anymore. And the way you've never failed to bring up the fact that my body isn't stick thin. You've made me feel like bulimia wouldn't be such a bad idea for the last five years of my life.

You Got Something All The Girls Want ;;

Somehow I understood him when he spoke Thai,
Never spoke lies and he never broke fly.
'S' on my chest let me get my cape on.
Where the certificate that I changed my name on?
N-N-N-Name on.
Where the certificate that I changed my name on?

July 29 2010

Time: 1:30PM

Music: Your Love - Nicki Minaj

Sooooo, I just got back in Winnipeg, and Ièm catching a cold.

Crap, I know.

Got a Drake shirt. Yeaaaaaah bitches.

I should probably give Madison and Erin their shirts, and Drew her headband, and fix the farmer's tan on my legs. Yeah, on my legs.

Hoooly. Pedophiles these days.

I say that because there was a pedo working at my school that like, everybody liked. Not even exaggerating either. Personally I'm glad he was arrested. I mean, I was kinda skeptic about him from the beginning. So, I guess not everybody liked him. Either wayyyy, he's still locked up. But it's gross because he was working in my school, for years.

On a happier note, I got new stuff! Yayyy :)

Calgary kinda feels like a dream that I never woke up from. It's weird. I have pictures and stuff, but it still doesn't feel real.

Anyways, I'm off to respond to texts and get my social life back.