There are some times when I look at things, and I'm just completely stubborn about it. Should I persevere? Or are you saying that I should just give it up already? Sometimes I encounter things that seem like it's just a constant downhill battle. I survived, but I don't know if the outcome will help me carry over into the future. I made it through, but did I really accomplish what I came to do?
Inadequacy. Failure. Disappointment and frustration of self and the fear of facing those who expected so much more from me.
Am I being blind to the things that are right in front of me? Is this life's subtle way of rejection?
A part of me keeps telling me to hold on, that there's still hope, and that I can make it. But there's these little voices of doubt that take advantage of my imperfections and weaknesses that cause me to think "Is this all really worth it? You're not achieving like you have been before, why aren't you picking up on the fact that you're being told 'no'?"
I work and work and work, and yet the results aren't what I'm aiming for. They aren't close to my desired answer. The frustration with myself pools at the bottom of my stomach and in the corners of my mind. They grow and grow and I can feel them eating away at the hope that struggles to continue on. I don't like it. I don't like this feeling of deterioration, this feeling of gradually slipping into self-doubt and ultimately drowning in my failures. Drowning in what I could not be, in what I could not have. And then, once the waters of unfufillment will drain away, so shall my plan, my direction. I will become trapped in a pit of confusion once again desperate to climb out. The things that I would try so hard to prevent would finally become true to me and my eyes will become clouded with the dissatisfaction of what could have been.
...
Fight. Win. Live.
I somehow wake from my darkness and struggle to come back to the surface. It's so hard but I can see the light coming so close, even though I know it's still quite a distance. It's there at the top, it's still within reach. Hope has come again to burst forth and shine for me once again.

Okay...I was rereading this blog to see what I wrote and I have no idea where that last part came from...but it all just now happened in my mind...the thought of drowning, and then somehow waking up with a desired will to continue on. The things I see inside me are really surprising, because sometimes things develop that I didn't intend for or even anticipate. I like it though. It reminds me that I'm not the only one vouching for my life. Well, this was an interesting turn of events. :)
Have a blessed rest of the day.