yesssssss nooooooo I dont I never need anybody not like you care even though I know you do care, but Im sick of people, making me feel like im being blown off.Im sick of people just having to do what they do before my own.Thats why Im so surprised when people actually care about me, becasue they dont do anything like what im use to people of treating me. So even though Im happy Im think their lieing. I really do. I told my mom I dont like her drinking, I also told her I dont like rick,her,boyfriend, who has actually ruined a lot, for her and me and others around her, and yet all that I fell is nothing I dont care even though I do care and thats what makes it feel worse than I already do. Which sucks because it feels like no one cares about me T_T even when I dont know whats wrong, when something is wrong,but I feel like they wouldnt listen, like I would be blown off. So what am I suppose to do? Really if I said everything I wanted to Id be, I dont know where honestly. So many things couldve happend to me, if it wasnt for me knowing right from wrong. But i hate it I hate it all.....but I love this feeling even though it sucks it really does. All my bones on the inside of my body feel like their cracking, and when I was in the hospital it felt like heaven it really did wanna know why? because I got some time alone, to sleep and rest and not worry about anything, i didnt have to force myself to eat or talk or anything I was allowed to rest not like i ever get the chance to because people are always around T_T it doesnt help I dont want to be around family to talk like this. I want to talk around someone, someone whos not my family who wont tell anything to them T_T because everything in my family gets around. So you cant really do anything you want to no matter how hard you want to. Just because I write about sorroful things doesnt mean I have a boyfriend or is pregenent about it T_T seiously what the heck IM NOT THAT. Im actually just going out with someone i know around me that actually cares which feels some what wierd, but in a good way, but I also feel afraid of it too because of what could happen, I know I should worry over it but i do , thats just the person I am and I dont think there's anything wrong with it, except for the fact i dont say anything I want to say. Thats why Im scared to say thing I want to say, because I know they actually pay attention to me,, and how I feel,sometimes it feels like all they do is, Im not sure Im just afraid of them more afraid of them than myself, but i know I couldve or still could die by my own hands, a while ago, or in the furture, if I havent snapped out of it. It was so wierd.So I dont know what to do. Even though I know I should just speak my mind, but sometimes it feels like I shouldnt say anything and than see if they notice but the truth is ive technically already done that. Yet they still havent noticed.So Im scared that doesnt make me a brat. does it? I dont believe so. I dont have a snotty attude im just afaid to open up.Im not shy, Im shy okay nevermind about that, but still what am I suppose to do? I am doing my best but yet they, Im not doing my best at all, I think I may have given up, but I still I continue to fight on, and hope it will get better, but it feels like its just gotton worse. Maybe Im near the middle of it. Im not sure I have to wait for time to go by and hope the work im trying to do will help it. It just feels like a lot of people around here feel like their not trying as hard as they can or should. Some poeple really do have stuck up attitudes while others really do care. Im just too afraid that they might shun me or leave me, mostly leave me.Not my fault its an automatic response, anymore. So do you think I should do that, what ive said?
I want to take the 11th grade exam for english three nexy year, if I pass this year, next year I'll be in 10th, so hear are some random sites for next year, or learnin or at random times.
http://ontario.exambank.com/grade11.html
http://www.curriculum.org/csc/library/profiles/11/english_p.shtml
http://www.schoolexpress.com/
http://www.bing.com/search?q=school+worksheets&form=QBRE
http://www.bing.com/search?q=school+worksheets+high+school&form=QBRE
http://www.bing.com/search?q=what+classes+are+in+10th+and+11th+grade&form=QBRE
Things to do over the summer -
english
spanish
languages at the libary
art
algerbra
geometry
whatever I'll add more later. 
Time flies
You cannot understand a single second
Yet you understand everything in it
but you question all of it.
What do you do next?
The same thing you always do,
Be yourself.
But what if being yourself,
ends up hurting you?
YOu move on.
What if you don't know how?
You learn to move on.
Moving on is no simple thing,
you need to learn how for each thing.
What if the past keeps showing up,
to haunt you, even in the daytime?
You have to resolve it.
Resolve it, how?
Resolving a problem, or in this case
the past, you have to figure out what
makes it keep apperaing in your mind.
What if you never said what you wanted to?
Then you have to live with it,
if you still have the chance t say it,
Say what you want before it too,
Late.
What about loving somebody?
Thre are many possibilities,
their up to you to decide what happens.
Just remember to move on, no matter what ha[[ends.
Always remember, for it will help you in the future.
Moving on,
Living life,
their all part of this turmoil.
An anime,
A book,
they all have their problems,
not everything has a happy ending,
but you could at least try to make it,
less painful,
less spiteful,
becuase sometimes it seems all your doing is
holding yourself back.
You could have avoided the problem if
you were just being yourself, and
honest with the full story.
But with all the same, I'd still would've fallen in love with him.
Why?
Why?Are you really asking why?
I still would've known him,
becoming close to him,
DAring mself to like him,
Even though I shouldn't have.
I set goals for myself even before,
I met him.
Yet all I should've done is,
Kept to 'em,
but that would've made it harder no matter what I would've done.
Tied to two bonds with the same equality.
UNtirn between the two you don't know what to do
You leave yourself bind on a host while they pull both sides of the rope.
Feeling the storm brezze rocking the boat, with waves crashing down upon its sides.
The rope unties and more loops occer.
Pulling, and pulling 'till the door hurts,
trying to come in,
try to say nobodies home,
but that isn't true,
so you hear their sweet words.
All of them unbinding your sweet beliiefs.
You try and stay together,
but they continue to pull,
losing yourself withiun your soul.
Following a wind blown,
you just want to cry,
but you can't even fear.
Knowing its all right/alright,
is hard for a show,
they drink with their whiskers,
not knowing.
So they fly with a boom,
so they forgetting their souls, not seeing what's
in front of them, even if they did,
they still wouldn't care.
Caring is but a luxury, for those who can see.
Through this dense fog,
and the deep rivers,
and high moutains.
I still want to know,
"Am I free?"
They say this land is free.
But the purpose was broken,
it was restricted,
by the binds of the law.
Which was for free...
but they took this land away from the natives...
we shouldn't even be here.
We are though.
WE cannot change the past but we can change the future.
A tidal falls
upon the waves crashing against the shores
leaning and leaning against the iceberg
something so pretty,that can be so dangerous
some can avoid getting hurt by it if they pay attention.
Others pay no attention at all and get hurt,injured,and others dies.
A price to pay for not listening,
for not steering clear of the storm.
The storm fog rolls in,
The mist,covers.
The ocean,calm.
The scent cold.
Steer clear of the storm,
before you get in trouble.
You should've listened you should've cared.
Why didn't you listen before the storm came?
There were warnings in your way.
Even surprises give warnings.
They cry.
They may be quieter, but they got it out there.
When you crashed,
I warned you with my looks.
Yet you never thought,
what they can do.
When you didn't listen,
you crashed into the iceburg.
You took me down with you,
at least a part of me did.
Whether small or big,
A splash was made in the huge deep puddle.
Over time I could heal little by little.
The scar you left can also stay there.
Forever.
You never knew,
Even when I told you.
You never knew,
You didn't listen.
Even if you did.
You never thought it all the way through.
If you did, you would've known,
That the iceburg was out there.
