In general, Summer is officially over. Though, for me, even as it was very eventful, it was the worst summer over....and the worst period in my life.
I have screwed so many people over and my lack of communication is to blame.
As a result it seems I have cut off communication with those whom I speak of.
I should've known better. It feels like I've destroyed so many friendships. I need to fix things yet for some reason, fear restrains me. Right now, I am facing the biggest regret of my life and its a different story then what I've been speaking of. No, I have not given the specific details of those events/situations throughout the summer. Theres no need for that. But right now, as I said, Im facing my biggest regret yet. This time, it might play out to be quite a challenge to change things....resulting in yet, another screw-over....and yet I would feel content.
What kind of human am I? I never dreamed of my life becoming such a nightmare.
I really need to get my life in order. But as it seems, I would have to slightly go against who I am in order to do so. And in all honesty, I dont want to. Who I am as a human isn't all that bad despite what I've said before.
In fact, the human that I am is much different than many others, Im sure, and in all reality, I am given great qualities that many humans do not possess.
Forgive me for using the term 'humans' so much. I really don't like to be labeled as a human...seriously. And therefore, I wish to be under a different classification. Thats not to be taken humorously. In my reality (we all have our own), I am embarrased to be a human. I know I cannot escape this human I am and its fate.
Those who have read this far, if you are concern with these matters I speak of, I mean no offense. And I know for a fact, you to, are different. The people on here are one of a kind and you's are the first I would come to for any guidance. No, Im not asking it for it now.
I'm only posting this to vent and because whenever I write about the serious things in life that bother me, I tend to feel better, as I do now. But I dont know how I can forgive myself. Please know that I am not posting this for attention.
In time, I will find my answers and face the difficulties in this life.
Take care everyone. Peace.
