Hey, Loverboy! (My Perfect Enemy Challenge)

Don't know if any of you've noticed a trend, but since I can't sleep today, I'm basically entering every fan word challenge.

In another shocking turn of events, I'm writing a Bleach thing NOT about Renji.

Hey Loverboy! Kyouraku-Taicho! Yeah, I'm talkin to you, Shunsui. What's with all the incessant flirting with women you're never gonna see again, huh? Are you that horny? God, you sicken. You're one of the three people that have been around the Soul Society the longest, literally HUNDREDS of years, and you can't get any work done? Good lord, how were you promoted in the first place?

I'd like to say it's your great fighting skill, but WE'VE NEVER SEEN IT. I think I saw a scene that cut to you after you started a battle, but I didn't actually SEE the battle. People just talk about how strong you and your BFF (secretly gay lover, I know), are the strongest people around. But seriously, it's like a legend! No one has actually seen you fight! It's probably because you're always drunk, sleeping, out of the main plot, or hitting on women.

Speaking of women, are you ever gonna tell your vice captain you love her? We can all read the signs. Secretly she loves you back, as well. She'll never admit it though. When you're not gay for your albino boyfriend, you're swooning over her. BE A MAN. She's been your lieutenant for at least a few decades now, that too little time to build up your courage? Stop flirting with other women, and wrap her in your big manly arms. Everyone can see she wants it. You're such an ass, flirting with other women in front of her, too, when you KNOW you love her and she loves you. Are you waiting for her to die, or for you to die first so you don't have to deal with the pain head-on, you coward?

Speaking of cowardice, I heard you're fighting the number 1 Espada. WOOOOOAH, that's a big leap for you, isn't it? Just yesterday you were napping! And you KNOW you can't go easy on him. You didn't even want to draw your sword, you lazy asshole! And I also noticed, right when you were about to start, it cut to good for nothing New Guy, who's not even a real shinigami, just to show him getting his ass kicked, and kicking some ass. DON'T YOU CARE SOME PIMPLY TEENAGER IS STEALING YOUR SPOTLIGHT? Course you don't. It's not your problem. I know you make Ukitake do all the work in your relationship. Grow some balls already and step up to the plate!

(For the record, I do not believe Shunsui and Ukitake are gay for each other. I do believe there are other gay characters in Bleach, just not those two. They're all about the Guy Love. You know it, Broski.)

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He's a little pissed...