My Stage of Dreams

I'm not sure if anyone would be able to read this at this point, given the current state of the site. Even my anniversary post generated no response at all. But because this is the site that I have truly felt at home, I'm going to post this here.

A few days ago, I got to watch some clips of the sports anime "Major". This is an anime I started to get interested in watching since 2008. (You can read more about it here.) Ever since seeing those clips, I've been really feeling down and sick to the point that I'm having a hard time doing work I need to fulfill. I guess you can call it a "nostalgia attack".

Maybe it's because Major has already ended that it feels like a chapter of my life has ended. (More info here.)But this would be odd, since I already saw it end a year ago, and I didn't feel this way then.

Maybe because until now, I still have this unrealistic desire to be able to meet Goro Shigeno and be able to play baseball with him despite not being good at it. I've had similar thoughts with Shinichi Kudo as well, so it's not something new. I guess the difference here is that I saw Goro grow up from the first to the last episode, so it's as if we've grown up together, especially in my adolescence years. How much more if Detective Conan ends, when it has been there since my childhood years?

Maybe it's because all throughout his life, Goro has been able to spend his time playing baseball, making for a really productive childhood for him. I guess I envy him for that. These days, I've been regretful of the fact that I did not get to play sports when I was young. Part of the reason was that my society did not promote that many sports to begin with, giving too much focus instead to basketball and volleyball. I would've wanted to try soccer, but I didn't know any team to join in. I would've wanted to try baseball, but I don't know any team as well, and because I only got bitten by the baseball bug in college. Heck, I'm even regretful that I could not participate in amateur wrestling because there's no wrestling clinic available.

Maybe it's because of the idea of Goro Shigeno being so determined to reach his dreams. And maybe this one carries the most weight, because right now I'm in a state of doubt over what my dreams are. I've achieved my dream of having a teacher's license and being a teacher, but is that really it? What else is there for me to reach? All I could do is improve in teaching, but where else do I go?

Some would say that the logical option would be a higher position, such as being a dean or a principal. But that's not what I want. I feel like there's something else waiting for me, but I'm dying to know what it is. It may be outside of the teaching profession, but still I'd like to find out what it is.

These days, I've been having fascinations over my dream of entering into the world of professional wrestling and becoming a manager just like Paul Heyman. In a way, it seems that pro-wrestling is the closest I'll ever be part of the "anime world", with the similarities in the genre. But apart from the potential reaction that my friends and family may have towards it, the one thing that hits me is that it is a very costly investment to make. The Philippines doesn't have any pro-wrestling school, so I would have to start it off overseas. So it's really hard, financially speaking, since just going outside of the country is already a huge investment, and it makes a potential pro-wrestling career a much larger risk for me to take. If only I had enough money and resources, I'd pursue this dream already.

I don't know if there's any other dreams left for me to achieve. But as I watched the clips, an interesting point was made. When Goro became unable to use his right arm for pitching, he did his best to use his left arm instead in order to go for his dream. His passion for his dream never died, and it has become the fuel for his life.

In my case, I feel that I can't just live my life thinking that there are no dreams for me to fulfill anymore. There must be something else, and I really wish I could find it. And as I see Goro Shigeno pushing on for his dreams, I feel that I must do the same thing.

I will never be able to meet Goro Shigeno, and for that I feel sad. I wish I could meet him in person so that I would be able to play baseball with him and to feel for myself the passion he feels for his dreams, but I guess that will have to be left for my imagination.

However, I tell myself that if I can't meet Goro Shigeno, then I'll have to be Goro Shigeno. That doesn't mean that I'll be a baseball player, because I don't think it's the career for me, though I'd really love to try and play it. But just like him, I will strive to go into this world and reach for the dreams that I have yet to discover.

At this point in my life, with me being 23 years old, I will strive to do my best so that, like Goro, I can rush up to the stage of dreams.