"Look, they're obviously not doing anything," Simmons grumbled, peering around the rock wall at the blue base beyond. It was quiet, and seemingly empty; the only sign of life was their tank, which sat about 50 yards away, looming and just waiting to be tripped back into life by some unsuspecting passerby.
"We don't know that!" Donut replied hastily, lifting his gun. He started forward slightly, then turned and looked back at Simmons as if expecting him to follow. "Come on, let's go check it out closer."
Simmons barked a laugh. "That's such a great idea, I think I'll let you go ahead alone," he retorted sarcastically, shifting slightly like he planned on leaving. Donut leapt toward him, scrabbling at one of the maroon plates protecting the soldier's arm in an attempt to keep him there.
"No! Sarge said we have to stay out for a long time!" Donut whined, trying to pull Simmons back toward Blue Base. Needless to say, he was failing. Simmons merely shook him off and started a loping pace back up the hill. Donut scrambled after him, nearly tripping himself in the process.
Without looking back, Simmons muttered, "We've been out long enough."
Panting slightly, Donut finally reached the other Spartan and began jogging alongside him. "Come on, Simmons, why do you want to go back so badly? If you wanna stop patrolling, then we can just go hang out in the caves for a while or something!" The maroon soldier froze, and Donut had to backpedal to stay with him.
"Donut..." he started in a low tone. "What the fuck do you think you want me to do?"
"What do you mean?" Donut replied nervously, shifting from one foot back to the other.
"There's no way I'm going into the caves, alone, with you." The disgust in his voice was a lot more prominent than he'd meant it to be.
Donut was silent for a moment, but Simmons could just feel the outburst coming. Oh God, he thought desperately. Please don't let him be pissed.
"Simmons!" the pink private finally scolded. "How could you say something like that?!"
Well, at least he's less mad than that time we got rid of his fashion magazines...
Donut took a deep breath and his voice cracked as he exclaimed, "HOW COULD YOU THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT ME?! I'M NOT A WHORE! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"
...Nevermind, it's worse...
Hell hath no fury worse than a woman scorned -- or a Donut insulted.
"I didn't -- that's not what I meant!" Simmons tried to explain, but he could barely hear himself over the melodramatic shrieking.
"YOU'RE SUCH A BASTARD! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TALK ABOUT STUFF!" he fumed, waving his pistol around for emphasis. "I DON'T JUST WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE! GOD! I LOVE CABOOSE, I'M NOT JUST GOING TO--" He cut himself off, and Simmons could almost hear his eyes widening with fear. "Um... you didn't hear that..." he added in a tiny voice.
Simmons would have crossed his arms if he wasn't holding his SMG. "Donut, he's a blue," he said as if Donut didn't already know that himself.
"I know, but... we have something special! Every time I've ever talked to him, he's been so funny! And he's the nicest guy I've ever met! And he doesn't want this war any more than I do... and... and..." He pulled for another excuse. "I think he likes me too!"
"Donut," Simmons warned. "He thinks you're a girl."
"You don't know that!" Donut huffed.
"Believe me," Simmons said firmly. "He's about as smart as a five year old, and he thinks you're a girl."
"Well, what am I supposed to dooooo?" Donut wailed. "I want to be with him so badly, but he's confused, and there's no way Sarge would let us, and--"
Simmons cut Donut off with an unseen wry smile and a wave of his SMG. "Don't be so sure of that. Sarge actually seems to like Caboose, somehow." He shrugged around his armor awkwardly. "I think he'd be more upset about the gayness of it, if he didn't already know you were so flaming."
"Hey, I'm not flaming. Those are the guys who go around hitting on every man they see and doing that stupid little hand-flick thing." He did it, for emphasis.
"...Right," Simmons said wearily. Sometimes, it was better to agree with the pink soldier than try to argue with him.
