The Seventh Commandment

Thou shall not leave any strands of thy “lovely locks” in any drain.

The Akatsuki had, once again, fixed their base up. Tobi, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Pein, and Konan were all out on missions. Loving the fact that he had a little off-time, Itachi decided to take a nice, long, steamy shower. His hair hadn’t been washed in ages, he felt. He shirked his clothes and wrapped himself in a big fluffy black towel. On his way to the shower, he met Deidara. “Itachi, I used the last of the Herbal Essences shampoo, but there should be another bottle under the sink, un,” he said upon passing the blind man.

Itachi went into the bathroom and fumbled around until he found the sink. “Of course, Crunchy has to become useless as well. That kitten is never around when I need him,” he grumbled, feeling around for a shampoo bottle. However, the first bottle his hand landed on was not shampoo. In fact, it was a bottle of The Works, a highly-dangerous drain cleaner. He turned the shower on, set the bottle on the ledge where they kept shampoo, and removed his towel.

The dark-haired man stepped into the spray of the shower and let the water drench his hair. He grabbed the bottle and poured some of the liquid in his hand. “This shampoo is a bit watery. I guess Deidara’s trying to play a prank on me. Oh, well, it’s just shampoo and water,” he mused, attempting to lather his hair.

After five or six lather-and-rinse cycles, Itachi decided it was time to get out of the shower. He would’ve gone for another cycle, but the water was beginning to run cold. Something furry brushed against his ankle as he stepped out. “Crunchy, if you’re going to help me take a shower, you have to be in here BEFORE I start the water, you stupid kitten!” he yelled.

In fact, the furry offender was not the blind man’s burnt seeing-eye turtle. It was a radioactive glob composed of Konan, Hidan, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Itachi’s hair. The glob followed Itachi out of the bathroom and began exploring the base. As it went, it picked up any random debris to add to its size.

Soon, the members who had been on missions came home to find Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi standing outside the base. “What problems have you caused NOW, you morons?!” Pein thundered. Kakuzu added, “Please, begin with the financial tribulations.” The hairy glob came rolling out the door. Tobi immediately ran to it and hugged it. “Tobi will call you Fluffy! Can Tobi keep Fluffy, Leader-sama?” the masked man asked excitedly. “NO!!! WE’RE GOING TO DESTROY THAT MONSTROUS THING!!!” Pein roared, glaring at the four who had been left at the base.

Tobi threw himself on the ground and began to cry, “But Fluffy has a NAME! You can’t kill him, Leader-sama!” Pein ignored the nuisance and asked angrily, “Who is to blame THIS time?” All eyes immediately turned to Itachi, save for Tobi, who was still pitching a fit.