I am here. I am merely here...existing. Not living, but existing as something that refuses to die. Or possibly can't die? Regardless, I am here and I am not living. For to live is to find one's true self, and make the best of it. Have I found this thing, this true self? I don't know, and I'm beginning to not care. Have I lost so much drive to go out and make the best of my life, that I have become complacent with what happens to me everyday? I accept all the pain and suffering that I go through willingly...why? Why can I just not let go, and tell the ones that cause me this pain, to leave me alone, to go away, something that would make them stop!? For this, I have no answer...and for some ungodly reason...I have ceased looking for one. I accept what I see in front of me, because I'm expecting something. To awake from a dream? A nightmare? Some type of comatose, or over exposure to a drug that has sent me to the far reaches of my mind and subconscious? Am I in some far away place perhaps? The most outer reaches of the galaxy, or some type of parallel dimension? I do not know anymore...and I refuse to care. For what use is it to look for a dream, or the answer to a question, if the answer will not help you in the slightest sense. I am here, and I cannot die. What has cause this sudden change in my mood? What is the cause for me asking myself all these questions, that possibly not even the Greek philosophers of ancient times could answer? Could Confucius help me? Lao Tzu? Plato? Sir Issac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Red Cloud, Aristotle, Thomas Browne, Ghandi, Buddha, God, ANYONE!? I have held my head high in the knowledge of religion, philosophy, and demonology that most scholars would be jealous of, but does it help me in the end? Of course not...why would it? If the gods had wanted everything to be as easy to answer as merely asking a question...they wouldn't have let us be guided through life based on our faith. Weather it be faith in ourselves, in them, or in something or someone else. Faith is what drives people through their lives. Now my final question is...what do I have faith left in...?