You know, I keep getting advice to just accept my feelings. That's easier said than done, especially when you believe you're wrong. After being given the cold shoulder and told you're wrong one time can really make a difference. Even if that person is no longer your friend, it still leaves a mark. If I can learn to just accept myself as I am, it will be great. I was told that it's a very good thing. I just need to teach myself not to worry.
I also don't like dreaming some of the things I dream, like last night. I was hanging out at the mall with some friends, and we happened to see a couple together and the man proposed to his girlfriend. It was a sweet scene, and yet, I told them I wanted to go somewhere else. Then, I had to apologize for ruining the day. I just felt lonely, and I couldn't help but think, "That's never going to be me". I've never been in a relationship. I've been on a few dates, but that's pretty much it. I haven't had anything longer than a month. I even told them, "It would be nice if someone actually told me 'I love you' and meant it."
I know it's bad to think that way, and I'm working on training myself to not think such things and just being myself, but sometimes those ugly thoughts cross my mind.
Luckily, I had a great Christmas, and I hope you guys did too! :)
