I have been having a meltdown, and to pretend otherwise would be a lie. I have reached the breaking point and now, I have absolutely no idea what to do. I can't believe I feel this way because I'm an adult, and I should be stronger. I am naturally self destructive. It's not to the point to where I would do something regretable to myself, but I have punished myself over and over again because I keep failing at letting go, and I keep getting paranoid that he will leave me just like one friend did. It's the same... I felt the same way for him that I did with that guy. I fear losing this friend, and I'm fighting, trying to let go. I just don't know how to do it, and now, it's killing me because I don't want to do the wrong thing. I just want to figure this out so my meltdown can end. It's made me into a monster, and I don't recognize myself anymore. Please God... let this end!