Name: Nikki
Age: 27
DOB: Nov. 24 1986
Height: 5ft roughly - What? I'm short
Believe in Love at First Sight: No.
Relationship Status: Single / Don't care
Here lately, I've come to discover, it doesn't matter whether I get married or not. It doesn't even matter if I stay single. Thing is, I may or may not be ready for it. What's important is being content with what you have.
I have a lot of favorite anime, but a few of them include: Code Geass, Trigun, Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail.
Favorite music: rock / hard rock / heavy metal, pop - I like things that people have said doesn't fit me.
My all time favorite band is the old Guns N' Roses. The new one sucked. End of story.

What You Don't Know

lol I never even knew I had gall stones, but apparently so because now I find out today I have to have them removed. I was also told I could have my entire gall bladder taken out (which is probably what I'll do). I was told that if I got the gall stones out this time, I'd have to get them out again two years from now. Yeah... I don't want to have to do that, so I'd opt for getting the whole thing just taken out. I wonder what surgery will be like. I've never had one. That's the only thing that concerns me, the uncertainty of it. I don't know when I'll get it done yet, but I'll probably be finding out sometime soon.

"If I Die Young"

Okay, so I don't really know if I'm going to die, but I was quoting the title of a song by The Band Perry called, "If I Die Young." I was told I may have something wrong with my liver and maybe something else. I have to go in for an ultrasound tomorrow. My parents said though, I won't find out what's wrong with me tomorrow though. That just sucks. I hope it's nothing bad, but in case it is something bad, I wonder, would people miss me if I died, and I wonder what I'd do. I'm afraid of death, a little less now, but I still fear death. I really wouldn't want to tell my friends I was dying, but I know I would. I know I'd apologize for everything I did wrong, and hopefully I've been a good enough person that God would let me into Heaven. I would hope so.

*Heavy Sigh*

Maybe it's time to give up on love. It never works out anyway. I knew having a crush on someone was a bad idea. I feel like these lyrics from "I'm a Believer": "What's the use in trying? All you get is pain." That pretty much says it all. Everytime I try, it never goes anywhere. It fails. Maybe it's me... who knows... All I know is my story is the most boring story ever and nothing ever changes. I'd have better luck writing a love story for me, at least even if it's fiction, that one would be certain to work. I could read about my prince and it would be quite an amazing story. The friend of mine that said there's someone for everyone was wrong. I'm not meant for it. I'm a good friend, but I might as well just dream about love. I was told God leaves fate in our hands. I wish God would take control of my fate. Me controlling it was a bad idea. *sigh* Maybe my dreams can be better than real life.

Love is Unexplainable

Okay, so I find myself falling for someone. I live four hours from this guy, and he's still in college, so he says he's not interested in a relationship, but I can't help it. I've known him for a couple of years, and I remember talking to him on Skype. I love the sound of his voice. I don't want to assume anything though because I don't want to ruin anything. So, I'm just going to call it a crush. Lol Tarot cards and stuff told me I would get married, but eh... I can't see it happening anytime soon. However, I don't want this feeling to end. I can't really explain it, but well... I guess you don't need an explanation do you? I also like how he calls me darlin. So cute! <3

Now, I'm hoping he won't read this post.

Things to Ponder

First, let me get this out of the way. I have decided, ending anything won't be necessary. One of my friends was talking to me, and according to him, I'm not as bad as I think. He said, I need to give myself some credit, and not beat myself up so much. It's hard, but I can try to learn that. My heart wouldn't be so broken to pieces if I learned to do that. I'm really glad though for him because I think he's one of the reasons I will get to Heaven when I die.

The other thing I have to post about is this: What would you do if you were the one waiting for someone to save you, or you were the one that had to save someone? I have know idea why, but I can always picture in my head that I'm being saved by someone. I wonder though what I would do if I had to save someone, and what if this someone was someone I really cared about? I wish I knew why I was kidnapped all the time in my dreams and day dreams. I'm always the one being saved. Lol I only hope those dreams are not premonitions because I'm screwed if they are.