... there are SO MANY unintentionally hilarious things in it. Half the time I was enthralled with the action, and half the time I was dying with laughter (at things that, presumably, I was not supposed to laugh at). Just to list them all ...
ALSO SPOILERS AHOY, SO DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, BECAUSE I RANDOMLY DO NOT FEEL LIKE USING SPOILER TAGS
-- The OVER 9000 phallic broomstick shots. So fucking (lol) funny. Like, every time Ron or that other douchebag made a save in Quidditch they would be like "YEAH!!!!11!111!!1111" and then rear up and grab the front of their broomstick. Very subtle, filmmakers!
-- Neville being dressed like a sailor during Slughorn's party. Was he going to cook on the Titanic afterward?????
-- For that matter, was Slughorn playing techno at that party?? Did Harry and Luna, like, step into a rave??? Did Slughorn befriend Kraftwerk at Hogwarts?????
-- The movie morphing into Lord of the Rings halfway through. Dumbledore on the rock when the camera swoops around him ... Saruman causing an avalanche from Orthanc while the camera swoops around him. Harry being attacked by a horde of Gollums. Dumbledore trying to summon a Balrog, I guess. Could not stop laughing at any of this.
-- Every time the movie cut back to Malfoy executing his EVIL PLOT!!1!!1 Just so awkward.
-- Snape kicking Harry after countering all his spells. Totally random and hilarious, moreso if it is meant to parallel Malfoy kicking Harry at the beginning of the movie.
-- Also, the utterly anticlimactic Title Drop moments before. To be fair to the movie, it was awful in the book first.
-- Harry channeling Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man 3 with his walk after downing the Felix Felicitus. Ridiculously awesome.
-- Lavender's face the whole movie. The girl playing her is supposed to look obsessive but goes about 11 levels beyond that into completely batshit insane. There is probably so much of that relationship we don't see -- Lavender stealing a lock of Ron's hair in his sleep, Lavender building a Ron shrine, Lavender stealing some of Ron's clothes from the laundry and wearing them at night, etc.
-- All the retarded innuendo. I get that the movie is trying to show that these kids are human, and, therefore, actually interested in each other, but I think the creators tried a bit too hard. Harry getting an eyeful of his "dessert" at Slughorn's party. That dipshit who was into Hermione seductively licking his finger (LOL). "Did you and Ginny do it?" And so on and so forth.
-- I totally forgot to mention Katie Bell floating in the sky, channeling The Exorcist. I half expected her to bellow "FATHER KARRAS" and insult Harry's mother.
-- Also, just before that, Hermione is half drunk on butterbeer and throws her arms around Harry and Ron like, "OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS, WE'RE TOTES GONNA BE FRIENDS 4EVER." Just wonderful. She probably would have cried about their impending graduation had Bell not interrupted them. "OMG GUYS WE'RE NEVER GONNA SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN I'M GONNA MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH"
But, to the movie's credit, none of that was even remotely as stupid as the New Moon trailer that played before the movie. Bella saying, "OH I GOT A PAPER CUT" and then dripping a bit of blood onto the carpet, whereupon Edward swats away a diving vampire who's all "GOTTA GET ME SOME'A DAT" is easily the most retarded thing I have seen this week. Dear lord.
(Also, I want to point out that all this unintentional hilarity increased my enjoyment of The Half-Blood Prince. That movie is a hell of a lot less morose than I thought it would be. I can't wait to see J.K. Rowling's stupid epilogue make it to film. That will be the Holy Grail of unintentional comedy. I demand Tom Felton as a 30-something balding man with a mustache. Please make this happen.)
