My brain chemistry is still kinda playing tricks on me. The ups and downs are not nearly as severe, but for the last couple days at least, they are still there.
Work has become such a tedious struggle just to go every day. I wake up thinking of why I really dont want to go in anymore. Im really tempted to just telling them to shove the job right up there asses. My students are the ONLY reason I still manage to drag myself in. Ive got such a great bunch of kids, they are wasted on someone as disinterested in the job as me. Other drivers love what they do, and they look forward to seeing their kids every day. I see people who for some reason are devoted to the job and have terrible students, rowdy, vulgar, disrespectful little asshats who will do anything to try and ruin the drivers day. I believe I have the best groups of kids at each of the schools I drive at, and they have a driver in me who just doesnt seem to care.
Im talking down to myself, I know. But honestly, Im looking at it objectively. I have kids who smile and say goodbye when I drop them off. I smile back as I drive away, as soon as Im around the next corner, my face is blank and my eyes distant. They deserve a better person than me driving them to and from school. Im there for a fucking paycheck, others are actually there for the kids. I used to be.
God, I hate when I post depressing shit like that. But I really dont have any other outlets that will allow me to get these words out and organized somewhat. I fear what might happen if I actually write this stuff down on paper. People I know close to me would really not like some of the things I have said over my time here.
In other news, Im approaching my 8th Anniversary with TheOtaku/MyOtaku. And Im trying to think of something to commemorate it. Ill also try to have a recap blog of Gundam:AGE Ep 2 soon. I just need to re-watch the episode, if the shitty character designs dont make me ragequit again.
