In this world so many people fall...I mean I am one who fell not one or twice...almost everyday of my life I felt like falling...I never wanted to see tomorrow.I even said I would end all my friendships and I ended up making people cry.I know this life is being coming more and more chaotic but why is it that I let all that chaos effect me?
I lived in a bad area...I gotten robbed. I have gotten beaten by my own brother and sister...I got angry when my grandpa left. I hated my life my parents blame me for getting hurt by my brother and sister.
I cried...I cried every night.
I sulked.
I stopped eating.
I tried running away, I even tried suicide at age 12.
Dying isn't an answer....Dying isn't going to work that's a escape...to run from the troubles.
We move to another part we still get robbed but the beating stop. I am better but still get angry when my parents think I start an argument that I tried to stop. Punching walls. Punching everything in the rooms breaking glass...Cutting skin...it felt great up until my sister found out..I quit that and then almost committed suicide yet again...at age 15...not to far apart from the first time. I hated the arguing, the yelling the blames. The gossip the hurtful words...all of it..but I didn't...I didn't go threw with it.
Last time...I get angry...at friends wanting to end friendships ending connections that I had for the longest time...I'm the worst for doing that I even started hurting others as I have been hurt it sick but that is what made me happy...to see others hurt. But then I got tired of it...I ran again....I am back in this room...the room that I seem to come to every time I am mad, sad, in destructive mode. The bathroom...the room where it is private...I done the attempts of suicide here and no one figured it out...and here I am again wanting to end it yet again...I am 16...I am still a artist wanting to become great...wanting to be a musician that is like no other drum artist...be great and become the one who can do her best as best as she can. Not for praise. Not for fans but for myself...to prove I can do what I can if I put my mind to it. I am here and with me is a knife...I want to end it...so bad...I been criticized because of my art. My drumming.,.. I had a band that disbanded...we barley had a year together....I don't understand why...Why? Again....I don't do it...I didn't suicide...And again no one knows.
I am now 17....I am happier. I have better friends and still have the ones I almost lost because I wanted do be alone...I have them and more. I a argue with my parents but not as bad as before..I am happy. They listen to me. They help me. They don't say it's my fault if my bro or sis hits me...there's a reason for why they believe me they actually hear me out now...I am happy. I went threw suicide attempt and I live still....I am happy I am loved I re thought...and I see now...Suicide is never the answer......