I thought I could be her friend after we broke up, even though I didn't want to break up, she was confused, so I wanted her to be happy, I told her I'd be here, told her I'd always be here, be here for her to come to if she needed me...but I can't be here, can I? Not when I feel hurt, even though I've long since forgotten the meaning of her words, forgotten what it was to love her, I want to be here for her, but I can't be her friend, I don't want to be more, but I still can't be her friend, is it because we WERE more? Or is it because I've been hurt so badly that I'm not capable of being her, or any other person's, friend anymore? I can still laugh, but I don't feel the emotion behind it, I don't enjoy things the way I use to. This is a sickness of a kind that I do not know the cure..if there should be such a thing.
I don't want to feel this way, I just don't, I want to be here, but I'm prevented by something, something that makes me feel horrible for being here. I don't mean here as in TheO, I mean here, this place in my life, that's it. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know if anyone can help me, but I want to be here, so I'm not giving in.
And I am not Emo.
Alright, that's enough drama, I hope Kate read this, geez, sometimes I get so bored that I have to write stupid nonsense like that just to relieve the pent up drama!
