So, You Want To Be A Pokemon Master?

I have deduced a guide for becoming a Pokemon master.

  • Break ties with everyone you know
  • Take a wimpy monster from an old man and do his research for him because he's too lazy to leave the same spot in his lab for the duration of the game. At least, until you win....
  • Beat up other people's monsters. Show no mercy in regards to type, level or gender. Play to win.
  • Training all of your monsters equally is for wussies who are too dumb to figure out that a level 85 Charizard will beat the entire game with four different moves.
  • Travel to other towns and beat up other people's monsters who reside in Gyms. That Geodude looked awfully pudgy when you fought it, so it's a good thing it's at a Gym.
  • Repels are like Bug Spray, except for Zubats.
  • Your rival will always beat you to the next Gym. Don't even bother.
  • Solve other people's problems, even if they have nothing to do with you. Obviously a stranger is more capable of solving a crisis than people in Cerulean City.
  • Whirlpools can be safely avoided by using a move called "Whirlpool". Same thing with climbing waterfalls.
  • Although it's called "Water Gun", the move does not involve a Super Soaker.
  • Nothing is "one-use" only. Just hit up your friendly neighborhood Missingo.
  • You can fly on any monster that can use "Fly", regardless of the size ratio between the trainer and the monster.
  • Rock monsters are impervious to Wind and Water erosion, even if they get hit by a giant tidal wave or a really strong "Water Gun"
  • "Normal" monsters are worthless. Go for the weird ones.
  • Psychic monsters > any other monster in the game.
  • Certain monsters evolve by adding two more monsters to themselves. Do not question this, as Pokemon evolution theory is strongly contested by theologists. God made Dugtrio in his image.
  • When you have all the monsters, you are automatically better than everyone else. Even if you have beaten everyone in the game.
  • No one will battle you twice. Their monsters are dead.
  • Peddling up the Bicycle path is torture. Just use Fly.
  • The St. Anne is never coming back. You got played.

Good Luck, Trainers! :)