Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to tell my mother things when she just either lies to me or ignores it.
I try to avoid trouble, she doesn't. She's stubborn, impulsive and always wants to have the last word. Even when she ISN'T drinking...
I'm sick of the drama, the lying, the worrying, everything. I tired of trying to help her when she doesn't let me. That is different from all the other pains I've felt in my life. It takes more then hugs and tears to make it go away...it may never leave.
She's an adult, and I'm not always going to be around to help her. At some point I have to move out and try to start my own life.
Sometimes I'm afraid to leave her alone...whenever I go somewhere, even for a couple hours, I worry that she'll do something to get herself in trouble with...'him'.
If I could just pack up all my stuff, move out and get a apartment with Ash, I would. But I have to get a job first, plus I have to worry about college and other stuff.
I haven't been able to talk to Ash for a few days now, so typing it out is the only way I can vent right now.
Sometimes it feels like even my heart is hurt and tired.
I need time away, more then just a weekend or few days. I mean REAL time away.
She needs time away too, but elsewhere.
~Mei~
