Unending Rant: Motion to Fail

Warning: this contains some swearing and graphic imagery. If you do not like such things, do not read what is contained in the spoiler tags.

I'm sorry Sony, but it's like you didn't even try.

At least Microsoft is doing something different to get into the casual gamer market with the Natal. But you Sony...oh Sony, you just decided to do fuck all for innovation, and just blatantly ripoff the Wii.

And then you called it the "Move". And it looks like a sex toy.

But people say, "It's better than the wiimote! It's more accurate, etc." Well I'd sure hope so. I mean, it's coming out FOUR YEARS after the Wii did. It had better be more advanced. Being more technologically advanced than the Wii at this point (hell, who am I kidding, at ANY POINT) is like saying you're proud of yourself for not shitting your pants. If you're an able person over the age of five, that's not something to be proud of. It's fucking EXPECTED. Just as it is EXPECTED that you'll be more technologically advanced than the Wii.

Personally, while I do find some of the motion games fun, especially for parties, I just believe that this is not the direction developers should be going. I have a Wii. I love a lot of the games for it. Resident Evil 4 does an amazing job with the wiimote. The Conduit does a pretty good job as well. Playing Raving Rabbids with a bunch of friends, especially non-gamers (and even more especially when you're wasted) is freaking fun.

But when it comes down to it, the rest of the time I'm going to go back to playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with my GameCube controller, playing Halo with joystick aiming, and sitting on my couch, not moving except to eat pizza.

What I'm saying is, this type of gaming, I do like! It's awesome fun. But only in certain situations. The rest of the time, your average gamer wants to go back to playing with a normal controller. So please, all of you, stop fighting over the casual gamers. I know they're like the rich kid in class, and you all want to be their best friend for all the free candy, but come on. Nintendo got there first, and they're doing a pretty good job (of course this is arguable).

Things feel good this way. I use my Wii for party games, and the occasional other, more hardcore game, and I use my 360 for everything else like hardcore multiplayer games. It works. You all have your target audience, and then you have a few games that aim outside that audience, just so that those with only one console can get a bit of variety. And then all the fanboys and fangirls can get online and bitch about which is best. The system works.

I'm not going to buy Natal. I have a Wii, and I don't use it except for certain situations. I don't need another Wii. I KNOW THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING. They are just ALMOST the same. Motion control is a gimmick. Definitely a very good gimmick, but a gimmick nonetheless. Some games can use it. Many cannot.

But when it really comes down to it, I suppose I don't really care all that much. Sure these may work, or they may not. Either way, as a consumer I'm getting more options. In pretty much every way, this is good for consumers. The only bad thing, and it is a very bad thing, is that those that do not like motion controls will have to deal with many companies spazzing over these and making games for them, while ignoring the traditional controller.

So you know what? I don't really mind in the end. Maybe through this, better technology will be built, and eventually some super sweet controller will be made.

Like, a stick, with 20 cameras, and it dispenses adrenaline. And happiness.

But still...Sony...REALLY? If you were feeling left out because the Wii was getting so many dick jokes, you could've just told us, instead of using that name, and designing your controller to look like a glow in the dark dildo.

Obligatory sex jokes on Sony's "Move" (say your own, and join in the fun! 8D):
I'd give her my Move.
You want to come to my place and try some Moves?
I want to have sex with you while playing video games.