Chapter 1.2 Anger

His name was Prince Reyles. He tasted the very defeat of death every time he ate. Had no life left inside his spirit, the only thing that kept him strong was the very sight of Her. I wanted to show him my show, the show that I had planned for him. He will eat the sorrow that I have felt with the length of time inside my heart. I ached, how I ached at the very sight of them together. Yes, still watching I was. Still watching the way he stroked her with his frail hands. How his golden hair shined in the sunlight, perfectly absorbing her soft thin colored skin. Oh who am I to envy, when they are both so young? Oh who I am to hate when they sing together softly? Oh who am I to glorify the angst inside my heart, gradually receiving the host of sorrows for Hells Embassy? For my retreat to holocaust was not enough to forge the hand of my beloved. To make my mark upon her lips, to excuse the reason for her tears. Oh who am I to envy the likeness of the two together, perfectly intertwined with their innocence and their silent pain. How the related test me, how the demons caress me, I dare to believe with a single tap of blood that my sorrow will end with the life of him at my feet.

Do not touch my Love, Yelena, do not stroke her, do not touch, do not touch, do not stroke, do not stroke. My eyes are widening forcing me to stare upon the immoral reaction of the two. To be wed she said, to be wed!? To such a frail child not even a man. How my Love is young as well but I am will protect her, I will love her to the purest entireties.

As I sit in my dorm with anger in my heart, reminiscing on the times they spend with one another, I ache and I can fill the blood spilling from my mouth from not being able to contain this emotion within myself. My soul, bleeds for her happiness but the evil hungers for revenge. I can do so little without committing crime. Committing crime, committing crime, I know no fear for as long as she loves me. I know no salvation as long as she notices me. There is no justice in this story that can rightly define my purpose. No one will know it was me. No one will suspect me…in time my friends in time. You will uncover the secret to my plans and I will be victorious. The hero of it all! Respect me Yelena. Fear me Yelena, I Matoyac Kapranova, will find a way to salvage your faith. Run with me Yelena, speak false witnessed with me and together we can be happy. Together, you and me, forever with a family.

I sit, laughing, holding my sides as though it were freezing, my white blonde hair covering the front of my face; casting a shadow over my eyes. I hold my side rocking myself gently in the night, praying that this pain, intoxicating my body and mind, may leave. I scream holding my sides, rocking myself in the night, crying and screaming that the voices will leave. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to hurt him, I just want to sleep. Sleep forever; sleep forever with the pain gone. My heart slows and my palms release as I fall helplessly to the ground of my room. The wood smells of ginger, how did the food fall? How did I get here?

My name is Matoyac Kapranavo and I have a fear of death.