How to Love Yourself

Loving yourself is an important part of enjoying and getting the most out of your life. It's also crucial for getting and maintaining satisfying relationships with others. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others.

[[Category:Building and Maintaining Self Confidence]]

== Steps ==

===Setting Reasonable Expectations===
# Stop trying to be perfect. Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect. Always do your best, but not reaching perfection is '''not''' failure. Just follow all the steps above, and don't let anyone's expectations of you put any pressure on you. Remember that no matter what, you will always be perfect just the way you are, flaws and all. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 24.jpg|center|550px]]
# Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone on this earth is unique. We all have different gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, good height, a good physique or intelligence, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envious or jealous. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 23.jpg|center|550px]]
#*A way to stop comparing yourself to others is by focusing on your own strength. Get to know yourself, and discover what your greatest gift is that you are meant to share with the world.
#*Another great way is by practicing gratitude. Be happy for what you have. Really be grateful about everything that you have; people in your life, job, relationships, material, etc. Gratitude keeps your heart open to love.
# Be who you really are. In order to love yourself, you have to stop loving the person you wish you were and love the person you actually are instead. We can try and pretend to be someone that we're not, but in the end that only hurts us and the facade can't stay up forever. Just be the person that you are and learn to love yourself just like that. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 14.jpg|center|550px]]
# [[Escape Materialism and Find Happiness|Try to look past "material" objects and feelings]]. We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with, etc. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion, or simply a motive? Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 8.jpg|center|550px]]
#Take things one day at a time. Loving takes time, whether the love is towards yourself or to others. Give yourself time, and don't feel down if you feel like what you're trying to do is not going the way you thought it will go. Think of things that bring you down and make that a lesson and make sure to reflex on those problems more rather than ignoring.
#*You should also accept progress at any pace. Don't rush yourself to become something too quickly, and don't lose patience with yourself. After all, it is the slow and steady who wins the race. There's no need to stress over time, because the whole point of life is to improve yourself, "live" a life. Life is not counted in years, it is counted in moments which took your breath away, or brought a happy tear in your thirsty eyes.

===Releasing Negative Feelings===
# [[Let Go of Painful Memories|Learn to let go of past events]]. You deserve a [[Start Fresh|fresh beginning]]! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives, bad beginnings/moments. Don't close yourself out of grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Acknowledge your feelings, but work to put them behind you. Cherish what you have learned from your challenges, and how you have changed and grown from them. Forgive those who have done you wrong. Most importantly, though, forgive yourself. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 4.jpg|center|550px]]
#[[Forgive Yourself|Forgive yourself]]. Don't punish yourself for something you have done in the past. Instead, look at the mistake as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself. Look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don't ever demean or ridicule yourself. If you do, laugh out loud, realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning. If you did something you are not proud of, resolve to never do it again, and take steps to keep it out of your mind. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 5.jpg|center|550px]]
# Define yourself by your effort, not your accomplishments. Celebrate your accomplishments, but let go of the things you haven't done yet. Remember that success is '''not''' a destination. Success is making progress (towards the desires of your heart). Accept yourself, and others will follow your lead. You are not your deeds, appearance, or bank balance. You are the striving for more, the hard work, and the determination. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 12.jpg|center|550px]]
# Sit in front of the mirror productively. Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then, practice calmly saying to her, "I do ''not'' care," with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it. Do not allow some other person's image of perfect to manifest you. If you believe you are pretty, the person in the mirror will look pretty. If you focus on what others hate about you, that is all you will see. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 7.jpg|center|550px]]
#*Mirrors will be your friend in this process. Seeing yourself as lovely and worthy of love is extremely important. Pick a favorite characteristic about yourself. Don't look in the mirror and proceed to look for characteristics that need "fixing." Focus on the positives until you are in a place where you can objectively see yourself and areas that you legitimately may want to "fix."
# Stop saying bad things about yourself. When you mess up, and even when you don't, it's easy to be your own worst bully. Don't fall into that trap. Don't beat yourself up. Life is good enough at doing that for us, we don't need to add to it. Instead, say good things about yourself and appreciate your own efforts, while thinking positively about ways to improve for the future. You should have goals: not failures. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 16.jpg|center|550px]]
#*Think of five positive words that describe you. Try not to use words like 'pretty' and 'nice'.
#Embrace negatives and turn them into positives. Every time you realize a negative emotion, pause and feel it; then thank yourself for feeling it, accepting it. Emotions are nothing more than internal experiences which contribute to who we are. Accepting problems (negative things) as opportunities (good things) in another perspective can yield great results (problem solving).

===Taking Care of Yourself===
# Nurture yourself. Self care is very important. Set up some time to be by yourself, just by yourself. Do something that gives you peace, love, and joy with yourself. You can nurture yourself physically by exercising and consuming healthy food. You can nurture yourself emotionally by listening to love songs, painting, or helping others in need. As you give yourself to others and offer help, you receive the gift of love back. You feel good about yourself because you live your life on purpose. You can nurture yourself mentally by reading your favorite books. You can nurture yourself spiritually by doing meditation. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 22.jpg|center|550px]]
# Treat yourself like you treat your very best friend. How do you treat your very best friend? Do you treat him/her with love, kindness, trust, appreciation, acceptance, and respect? If you can give that to your friend, why can't you give that to yourself? Practice treating yourself like you treat your very best friend, by saying kind words to yourself. Stop calling yourself names. Stop beating yourself up. Give yourself compliments. Know your boundaries, and listen deeply to your needs. Always be kind and gentle with yourself. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 21.jpg|center|550px]]
# Express yourself. Express yourself, perhaps in a diary, or through short stories. You can also do creative tasks, like painting or music. Self expression allows you to embrace the best and worst parts of yourself and come to a better understanding of who you are and what's important to you. You may need to get feelings out, but not always on your friends! [[Image:Love Yourself Step 3.jpg|center|550px]]
#[[Keep a Journal|Keep a journal]]. Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can be acknowledged and let go. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 9.jpg|center|550px]]
# Do what you love. Make yourself happy. What do you love to do? If you could find something that you love to do and spend time doing it, you will experience love, joy, and happiness in your heart. That is when you truly connect with your authentic self. As a result, you become happier and more loving. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 20.jpg|center|550px]]

===Creating Love===
#Believe in yourself. Never get anxious about anything you set your heart to do. Instead, believe that your efforts will always yield positive results. Sure, you may not get something right on the first try, but you will get it and succeed eventually and that is what is really important.
# Give yourself a little love note. Put positive statements up some places where you will see them each and every day. "I am beautiful." or "I have the courage to love." Write notes that remind you of what you love most about yourself. Read them out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice one of them. Sticky notes are fabulous for such affirmations and goals. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 6.jpg|center|550px]]
#List your best qualities. Make a list of the things you could love about yourself. For example, put things you've done in one column, that if you saw someone else do them, you would love them. For instance, if you scored in a game, write it down, then eventually you can build up more pros, to help you know why to love yourself (if you're analytical). In a second column, comment on goals in some the items/areas, and how they can help you in future opportunities.
#*Once you have your list compiled, stand in front of your mirror and think, "Wow, what marvelous abs I have! Oh, my! What shining locks of hair you have!" etc. Believe yourself when you say this.

===Improving Yourself===
# Practice receiving love. To truly love is to be able to receive it. When someone loves you, does some kind deeds to you, says kind words, gives you gifts, or gives you compliments, embrace it. Allow yourself to feel the love that has come your way. Know that you are worthy of love. It is important to accept a gift of love by others. You give yourself a chance to learn more about yourself, and that you are lovable. You give someone a joy of giving by loving you. Another important way is to practice receiving love by saying “I love you” to yourself. Let that love fill your heart. Receive that love that you give to yourself unconditionally. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 18.jpg|center|550px]]
# Practice saying “no”. It is okay to say “no” to people when you do not feel like doing something. Do not feel guilty about it. Just realize that you have the right to do so. This is different from doing things out of love. If you do things out of love, and your heart wants to do them, that is a different story. When your heart does not want to do it, and you feel like you ''have'' to please someone, and make others happy by over-extending yourself. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 19.jpg|center|550px]]
#*Learning how to say “no” is an art. It takes practice. You might say “Thank you for asking. I am not ready to commit to doing anything right now.” You cannot please everyone.
#*When you say “no”, remember to smile sincerely and say “no” gracefully.
# [[Be Persistent|Be persistent]]. Work as steadily as you can at loving and accepting yourself just as you are right now. A large part of love is accepting another "as is". This is no different for yourself— learn to love yourself "as is". Only after we've accepted ourselves, we might think about changing some less than desirable characteristics. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 10.jpg|center|550px]]
# Start working toward how and what you want to do and be. Do so with a positive attitude, by working toward your higher purposes and greater appreciation of your problems, as motivating you're finding new and better opportunities. Be enthusiastic and cheerful (appropriately). [[Image:Love Yourself Step 11.jpg|center|550px]]

===Loving Yourself Through Others===
#[[Show Respect|Treat others with love and respect]]. Bringing joy to other people's lives will help you find joy in your own. In addition, those that you treat well will likely repay you with the same kindness. Gradually, you will start to feel your worth through the smiles of gratitude. However, don't just be very kind to people so you can receive royal treatment. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 1.jpg|center|550px]]
# Create goodwill and thankfulness by [[Be Kind|practicing random deeds of kindness]]. Share your being with others in many ways. Share your knowledge in nice ways, or make a small donation to a needy person or an unfortunate child. [[Image:Love Yourself Step 2.jpg|center|550px]]
#*Share opportunities for your potential happiness by sharing goals and accomplishments with a special person or a group. Help a candidate or a political cause, or a community project. Help at a school or church.
#Know how to react in a healthy way. An important part of loving yourself is sticking up for yourself. When someone is mean to you, you need to say something and let them know you're not going to stand for that behavior. However, you shouldn't be mean in return. You should never be mean. In doing so, you create the same environment for others that led you to not love yourself in the first place.

== Tips ==
*Remind yourself that you are worth loving. Many people tend to get insecure about themselves, when in all reality we are all human beings! Always believe in yourself, and be the [[Be Confident|confident]], optimistic you.
*Remember that you are human, because sometimes we feel like outcasts or weirdos, but that is just something that makes you unique, and to be human is to be imperfect.
*Do what you enjoy. Go out somewhere, perhaps, with someone. Or stay at home, prepare yourself a nice meal, and settle down with a good book in front of a cozy fire, a fan, or air conditioner.
*[[Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta)|Practice Metta meditation]]. It will help you love yourself and others more.

== Warnings ==
*Loving yourself does not mean grabbing all of the attention and becoming selfish. It is actually a golden confidence that whispers, "I know when it is my time to shine, and I can become selfless."
*Trust who you are, and decide the answers for you. Do not alter yourself because of the things people say.
*Trust your own judgement. Everything suggested, while it may work for the person who added it, might not work for you. Learn to trust yourself, as that is a big part of self-love.
*Your problems give you opportunities to develop [[Use and Improve Your Abilities|skills, abilities]], and your character.
*Loving oneself is '''not''' the same as narcissism, which is negative and a huge turn-off to others as it involves placing oneself ''above'' others.
*Misery loves company, so do '''not''' hang-around unhappy, frowning and grouchy people.

== Related wikiHows ==
*[[Live Permanently in Love|How to Live Permanently in Love]]
*[[Write a Love Poem|How to Write a Love Poem]]
*[[Define Love|How to Define Love]]
*[[Love Your Spouse Again|How to Love Your Spouse Again]]
*[[Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust|How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust]]
*[[Be Kind|How to Be Kind]]
*[[Love Yourself First So Everything else Falls Into Line|How to Love Yourself First So Everything else Falls Into Line]]
*[[Accept Defeat Gracefully|How to Accept Defeat Gracefully]]
[[de:Wie man sich selbst liebt]]
[[es:quererse a uno mismo]]
[[it:Amare-Te-Stesso]]
[[fr:apprendre à s'aimer]]
[[pt:Amar a Si Mesmo]]
[[ru:полюбить себя]]
[[nl:Van jezelf houden]]
[[zh:爱自己]]

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*[[Think Positively About Yourself|How to Think Positively About Yourself]]

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