So then there's this other thing that I've sort of danced around in sbtle and not-so-subtle ways. My avatar will probably lead to an associated word almost straight away: 'furry'.
It's such an odd concept. I've never called myself a furry, and I've never wanted to be called one. I just think anthropomorphic characters are cool. My older sister would write me stories about foxes when I was younger because I loved them so much. It was probably Disney's Robin Hood that did it, to be honest. But as much as I obsessed over them a little bit, it never went to anything more than an admiration of the idea. Well, I say that...
When I was going through the height of the bullying in Years 6-8 my daydreaams would take on a rather more surreal tone. I'd imagine I was actually Fox McCloud, or Flynn from Insektors, but that I was actually in a coma or something and this world wasn't actually the right place for me. Eventually I'd wake up and be my real self, in my real world. It didn't happen, though. I think once I found friends again I grew out of that pretty quickly. But some elements of it stayed with me. The idea of transforming into a werewolf was always an attractive one, if for no other reaosn than to show off to everyone how cool I could really be given the chance.
The weird thing is if I'd had more confidence in myself a few years back I probably would have ended up a furry (Thank God for that, eh? :p). Well, no, that's not true. It's more than that; for one thing fursuits don't appeal to me as anything more than a simple costume. I wouldn't create a character and wander round pretending to be him; I'd just be in costume. A stuffy, clunky, slightly ill-fitting costume. And I don't share a lot of their ideals. A lot of their quirks are quite bizarre and frankly I've felt embarrassed when some of them have sprung up on messageboards (I did join a uk-based one some years ago, then left). It's just not my thing.
But I admire their confidence to just dress up and wander around as they'd like to appear. I think the main problem with their discrimination is the fact that a lot of them have quite extreme personalities that clash with the majority of other people's, so it only takes one person so say something like 'Urgh, weirdoes' for a massive argument to flare up. And of course, the most vocal opinions are the only ones you hear :p So I think they're very misrepresented.
But again, it's another place I didn't fit in, this time because I didn't feel right being there. Another of my moderate idiosyncrasies that doesn't quite give me enough of a push to categorically fit comfortably into place. But perhaps that's not so bad a thing, given the stigma attached to that particular group.
I love putting on costumes generally, though. Escapism is a wonderful thing. And that was the draw of acting, as well as writing and the internet. I can completely escape. I can become more myself by being someone else, and it's such a great experience. And when I'm writing or just daydreaming generally and I have the headphones on I can be very hard to reach sometimes. I can create my own stories and have my own adventures, or experience someone else's that's been written for me, and really just... enjoy being someone other than myself. It's not that I don't like me, but I've always like being able to detach myself and say 'Well, my life's good, but what would happen if...'. My overactive imagination will out every time, heh.
This all leads me to wonder whether I chose 'Solo' as a name for a reason. Initially it developed from Exile, a character from Road Rovers to name my me-based character from a series of Starfox fanfics, but... it's just bizarre that things can mean more than you initially plan for. I mean, I know I'm not actually alone, and I should never think that I am, but sometimes looking at where I stand and how I've never truely believed I can be accepted anywhere it's just... ironic.
I chose it virtually without thinking, as well. Ah well ^_^
