The police boat arrived on the shore minutes later. As the boat docked and he climbed down from the safety cushion, Leon noticed the small crowd waiting for him and Cloud.
"Leon!" A sharp cry captured his attention just before a slender body slammed into him. Arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and Leon found him himself returning the embrace.
"—could you do something like this? Don't ever scare me like that again," said the teen. Leon only understood him when he pulled back far enough to stare at Leon with a stern expression.
"Sora," he said, feeling a twinge of guilt in his heart at the tears welling in Sora's eyes. Leon looked to Cloud, but the blond only raised his eyebrows meaningfully and glanced away. Leon sighed. "Sora, I...I'm sorry," he admitted lamely, frowning uneasily.
Sora regarded him fiercely for a moment. Then his angry stare faded. "I don't care," he murmured, "just don't ever do it again."
Leon nodded ashamedly. In the corner of his eye, he could see Riku standing feet away, arms crossed over his chest and lips thinned. Not quite angry, but...disappointed, it seemed. Leon couldn't fault him. He turned back to Sora, about to offer his apologies again, when another voice called out his name.
"Squally! Sqaaa—all!"
His head whipped around, eyes narrowed, searching for the only person who would dare call him by his given name in such a public manner. He didn't have to look far, as Yuffie chose to tackle him from behind in a crushing hug.
"Squall, I can't believe you," she cried, her voice slightly muffled as she pressed her face into Leon's back. "I mean, you still owe me fifty bucks! How could you go jump off a bridge with that on your conscience?" Yuffie abruptly pulled away to stand akimbo, hands fisted on her hips, a pout on her lips.
Leon turned and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced down at Sora, who quickly put his hands in the air in a gesture of innocence. He sighed. "I'm sorry," he repeated, eyes downcast.
Yuffie's expression softened. "Aw, it's okay," she said, rolling her eyes. "But you really should think about these things. People here depend on you. People need you, Squall."
Leon glanced up at her, startled by her words even though, if he was honest with himself, he knew they were true. He looked to the side and saw Aerith nodding in agreement with a calm smile on her face. "It's true, Leon," she said. "We still need you here."
Leon could feel the warmth from Cloud's body as he moved slightly closer, hovering near enough at his side that Leon feel their fingers brushing together. He looked around at their faces—Aerith, Yuffie, Sora, Riku—his friends, and felt a hollow feeling growing in his stomach. "I—"
"Sweet Shiva, ya li'l bastard," came the rough growl from Cid. Leon jumped as the man appeared as if out of nowhere and clamped a heavy hand around his shoulders. "This what the fuck you get up to when you disappear on your own all the time? We're gonna hafta start usin' the buddy system with you, eh?"
Leon pouted and glanced away, noticing that Tifa was standing just next to Aerith, and she gave him a cheeky grin. He blinked quickly to hide the tears that threatened to well up in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again, his voice hoarse with unshed tears.
Cloud sighed. "All right, you've all had your fun," he said, easily removing Cid's arm from Leon's shoulders. He kept a stern look on his face as Leon turned to him, and stared down each of their other friends in turn.
"Ooh, Cloud's pissed off," Yuffie squealed. "Squall's really gonna get it now!" She began to jump up and down in excitement until Tifa darted forward and shoved her.
"Quit it," Tifa hissed as Yuffie sputtered in indignation. "Leon probably feels bad enough as it is." She looked up towards her blond ex-boyfriend, a pleading look in her eyes. "I'll take care of everything here, but...Cloud, go easy on him, okay?"
Cloud nodded, already taking Leon by the arm and guiding him away from everyone. "Thanks for everything, Tif," he said, before turning around and dragging Leon with him.
–
Cloud shut his door behind them with his foot as he trailed Leon into his apartment. "Make yourself at home," he said, though the raised eyebrow Leon leveled at him told him he needn't have bothered. The two were at each other's apartments so often, Leon could have moved in without saying a word, and Cloud probably wouldn't have noticed the difference.
The brunet sat down on the couch in front of the television as Cloud disappeared into the kitchen. As he rested his forearms on his legs, hands lightly folded together, he finally noticed the fine trembling that had to have begun some time after they'd reached the shore. Seeing everyone's worried faces there must have affected him more than he realized. Even as he thought about it, about how scared they were, people he'd helped—people who'd helped him—tears welled in his eyes. How could he have been so selfish? So cruel?
His hands clenched into fists as he battled to push back the tears. One drop fell from his eyes, and then another, melting into the plush carpeting without a trace.
"Here," said Cloud from beside him, and Leon's face immediately turned towards the sound. He hadn't even noticed Cloud's return. The blond had one hand outstretched towards him, a glass filled with water in it. Leon accepted it gratefully, downing half the glass before setting it on the coffee table. Cloud sat down next to him, ignoring the flush that Leon was sure painted his face, and Leon was silently thankful.
Cloud picked up the remote and turned on the television, flicking to some inane channel and setting the volume low. He cracked open the can of soda he'd brought for himself and sat quietly, waiting for the questions he knew were coming.
Leon's first one was simple. "How?" he asked, his voice still rough with tears.
Cloud stared straight ahead. "When you called," he said, his voice flat from forced control over his emotions, "there was something different in your voice. I didn't think...I didn't know if I would be enough this time. So I called Tifa."
Tifa Lockhart was Cloud's ex-girlfriend, and also a police officer; a lot of things suddenly made more sense to Leon.
"I told her my suspicions, and she helped me get a police boat out there. She called Aerith, and the others, too, just in case you actually jumped. Moral support, you know," Cloud continued. He took another swallow of his soda before going on. "And the rest you know." The corner of his mouth lifted in the barest of smiles.
They lapsed into silence, the steady hum from the television the only noise for a while. Finally, Leon spoke up. "...Thanks," he said softly.
Cloud only shrugged. "For what? Now you owe me," he joked. Leon's lips turned up in a strained smirk, and Cloud nudged the back of his hand with his soda can.
"In all seriousness, you don't need to thank me," he said quietly, somberly. "There wasn't really anything else I could have done." Without Leon, he wouldn't have a reason to do anything else.
As Leon looked to Cloud's profile, the memory of himself and Cloud falling from the bridge flashed into his mind with sudden clarity. "Cloud," he started, struggling to put his thoughts into words, "on the bridge. When you—you—I don't know—" He stopped himself abruptly, trying to catch the breath that had suddenly disappeared from his lungs. After taking another drink of water and collecting himself, Leon tried again.
"On the bridge. You jumped...fell so easily," he stated. Too easily, his mind was screaming.
Cloud remained silent, examining the can of Pepsi in his hand like it was the most interesting thing on the planet.
Leon's breath caught in the back of his throat. "Cloud," he said guardedly, "are you—are you—" Leon couldn't even bring himself to say it out loud. He had to be wrong; there was no way—
"Aerith is the only one who knows," Cloud finally admitted. "And now you."
Leon's hands shook violently, and the glass almost slipped from his fingers. He set it on the table and folded his hands together tightly. "How—how long?"
Cloud tilted his can of soda. "Since way before we met," he said, "so don't go guilting yourself over anything. And if it weren't for my own suicidal tendencies, I probably never would have talked to you in the first place." He reached over to grab Leon's left arm and pushed aside the leather armbelts that hid the patchwork of pale scars. He ran a thumb over the smooth skin, saying, "It's easy, if you know what to look for."
Leon watched silently as Cloud released his arm and sank back into the couch. "Have you ever tried to kill yourself before?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Cloud nodded. "I jumped off a small bridge when I was a kid. Broke my leg, concussed myself, and almost drowned," he said. "Slit my wrists in a bathtub once. Went into hypovolemic shock before a co-worker found me. Ironically enough, he was violating a restraining order I had gotten against him for stalking me. Asshole saved my life."
He took another sip from his Pepsi. "Most recent one, I set my apartment on fire after getting shit-housed. Passed out from something, not sure if it was smoke inhalation or just plain drunkeness. I don't remember anything for about three days after that. Aerith said she had tried to call me, and when I didn't answer, she called the police. Obviously they got to me in time.
"I haven't really tried again since moving here," he finished. "I've been too busy with your fucking suicide attempts to even think about my own." He rolled his eyes sardonically; it really wasn't that far from the truth.
Leon shook his head in disbelief. Had he been so caught up in his own problems that he failed to recognize his best friend's needs? "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
Cloud shrugged again. "I've never really been one to talk about my problems with friends," he said freely. "And besides, what could you have done—"
"What could I have done? I could've have done a lot, Cloud," Leon burst angrily. "I could have talked to you, I could have been there for you, I could have—"
"Done all the things you were doing for me anyway?" Cloud pointed out with a smile. "I don't think you understand, Squall. It worked both ways. As therapeutic as you found talking to me, I found listening to you just the same. It felt...nice to actually be able to help someone, for once." It was what Cloud had feared the most when Leon called him sounding like he had, that he really wasn't fit to help anyone in the end. Not even the man he loved.
Leon sat back into the couch, all of the anger draining form him as quickly as it had appeared. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose with one hand, and sighed. "We're fucked up, aren't we," he declared.
"Yep," agreed Cloud, grinning widely as he finished his soda and tossed the can over the back of the couch.
Leon sent him a side-long glare. "Don't be a smartass," he warned.
"Better than being a dumbass," Cloud retorted sharply, raising his eyebrow. "Which you are, if you didn't catch that."
Leon tried to shove Cloud with his shoulder, but only ended up gently resting his head on the blond as the will to fight drained from his body. Cloud ran his fingers through Leon's hair once, and didn't try to move him.
Until, that is, his arm started to go numb. "Okay, look, your head is really fucking heavy," he said bluntly. He lurched towards the right, trying to bodily shove Leon away from himself.
Leon retaliated by letting his body go limp and throwing his torso over Cloud's lap. "Hey!" Cloud exclaimed, hastily shifting so none of his assets were in immediate danger. "I realize you're eager to suck my cock, but dropping your two-ton head on my dick isn't going to hurry the process along, fatass," he snapped hurriedly. He pushed at Leon's shoulders until the man finally acquiesced and rested his head on arms folded over Cloud's legs.
"Keep that up," he advised, looking up at Cloud with baleful eyes, "and I'll bite your dick off completely."
Cloud raised an eyebrow. "But you still want it in your mouth," he pointed out.
Leon blushed a brilliant shade of red and turned over so that he was facing away from Cloud. "I'm taking a nap," he growled.
Cloud snorted. "Not on my cock, you're not," he said, and he tightly grabbed hold of Leon's waist. Before the brunet could argue, Cloud hauled him upwards and shimmied downwards at the same time, pulling them into a position where he was comfortably resting on the couch with Leon flush on top of him.
"There," he said satisfactorily with his arms wrapped around Leon, "feel free to fall asleep as you wish. But don't complain if you wake up on the floor."
Leon didn't say anything, choosing only to prop himself up on Cloud's chest and stare at his bright blue eyes. There was a slight tightening in his chest, a reaction to the thinly veiled care Cloud was showing him—attention that Leon had failed to particularly notice in the past. In that moment, he swore he would never be so oblivious again. Moments passed where neither of them said anything.
"What," Cloud asked, "you want to talk some more or something?" It was disconcerting how he couldn't exactly discern what the tiny glimmer in Leon's eyes was.
Before he could ponder for too long, Leon reached up and kissed Cloud's lips without preamble. Cloud's mouth opened with shock, and Leon took the opportunity to bite at his lower lip, quickly tasting the inside of his mouth. He pulled back almost hesitantly before diving back in, this time more confidently as his tongue swept across Cloud's. His right hand reached up towards Cloud's face, his fingers curling so that his knuckles brushed against the blond's jaw.
Leon pulled away reluctantly, a thin and easily broken string of saliva keeping them connected. "Or something," Leon said, his voice little more than a rumble against Cloud's chest.
"Huh," replied Cloud, unable to think of anything else to say.
Leon smirked. "Forgot about your plan already, smartass?" He didn't give Cloud the chance to reply, covering his lips again. This time, Cloud was ready, and aggressively pushed his tongue into Leon's mouth. One of his hands crept up the planes of Leon's back while the other tangled in the brunet's thick locks. Leon willingly allowed Cloud to take the lead, his fingers clutching tightly onto Cloud's shirt as he moaned softly.
Cloud pulled away for a moment. "If you're implying that I've forgotten my priorities," he said silkily, "no such luck, asshat." A smirk crossed his lips as a brief look of shock played out on Leon's face, and then faded back to his usual casual indifference.
"Good," Leon replied, pecking Cloud on the lips. "I don't think I could have handled it if you actually wanted to talk." Beneath the joking nature of his words was the tone that in all honesty, he really wouldn't have cared if Cloud wanted to talk.
Cloud rolled his eyes. "As if," he drawled. "Besides, I'm not the woman in this relationship."
Leon narrowed his eyes, all joking suddenly pushed aside. "Oh, really?" he said icily. "I could have sworn you were the biggest bitch in existence."
Cloud kept a straight face. "Second only to you, of course," he answered easily. "I mean, Gaia knows you're dramatic enough, and you certainly—hey!"
Leon took a swing at Cloud's face, only to be blocked as the blond brought up both of his arms in defense. Leon continued in his attempts to strike at Cloud, sitting upright and pinning Cloud down with one arm while punching at him with the other. Cloud squirmed and dodged as best he could while lying down, laughing all the while.
"Leon—ow, Leon, that's not—you're hurting me, fuckface," complained the blond.
"Call me a woman one more time, you shit-for-brains jackass," retaliated Leon. He swung at Cloud's shoulder, almost landing what would have been a very painful punch, were it not for Cloud's quick instincts. Cloud grabbed at Leon's arm and, using a combination of the man's own momentum and his body weight, tossed him over to the ground. Before Leon could catch his breath, Cloud scrambled off the couch to straddle Leon's waist.
"What do you say we reconvene in the bedroom?" he asked with a grin, bringing his face close enough to Leon's that he could count his eyelashes.
Leon narrowed his eyes. "Don't think I've forgotten about this," he said after a moment, pushing up at Cloud's chest.
Cloud hummed in acknowledgment as he helped Leon to his feet with an outstretched hand. Then, without any warning whatsoever, he wrapped his arms around Leon's legs and hoisted him over his shoulder.
Leon let out an undignified yell at the sensation of being thrown over Cloud's shoulder. "What the fuck," he hissed, clutching maniacally at the back of Cloud's shirt.
Cloud wrapped his arms tighter around Leon's legs, holding him firmly in place even though he tried to flail. "Glad to hear your mind's on the right track," he commented, making his way into his bedroom. The door stood ajar, and he gently pushed it open with his foot. "Close that for me?"
Leon fumed. He seethed. He hissed. But still, he reached out an arm and closed the door. "This doesn't mean anything," he growled.
Cloud gently lowered Leon down onto the bed and crawled over him. "Yeah," he agreed, nodding his head, "'cause we're both two fully consenting male adults who know exactly what we want from each other." He punctuated his statement with a light kiss to Leon's lips, bracing himself on his forearms above the other man with a small smirk on his face.
Leon's face went still. "Do we?" he asked quietly, staring Cloud in the eyes. After a few seconds, he glanced away uncomfortably, sighing softly to himself.
Cloud's breath hitched as he opened his mouth to answer but found no words. "Squall," he started, tapping at Leon's face to get him to look at him, "look. I don't claim to have all the answers. Hell, I probably don't even know half the questions. But I know that I at least have to try. You give me a reason to keep living, to keep trying. I have trouble finding a reason to live for myself, but with you, I suddenly have a purpose. You remind me everyday that there's at least one person on this planet that I'm fit to help."
He paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm not trying to scare you, or push you into anything, but I meant every word I said. I don't think I realized it until recently, but I need you. You're the most important thing in my life, above even myself. I think back to my life before I met you, and I wonder how I ever survived. I just wa—"
Leon pressed his fingers against Cloud's lips, stalling his words. A light blush graced his cheeks as he rolled his eyes in slight embarrassment. He hadn't meant to question Cloud's intentions—Shiva, the man jumped off a bridge for him. If that wasn't devoted enough, Leon didn't know what was. "I didn't mean it like that, Cloud," he explained. "I just...you don't even know what I want from you. How can you say all of these things, and I've never even..." Leon stopped, unsure of how to put his thoughts into words. His fingertips trailed down past Cloud's jaw and tangled in the hair at the back of his head.
Cloud only shrugged nonchalantly. "I might not know explicitly what you want, but I can tell what you need," he answered honestly. "Everybody needs somebody to love, right? Why should we be any different?" Even as the words left his mouth, Cloud couldn't believe he was saying them. Not even two years ago, he would have vehemently denied that he deserved to be loved, much less needed it.
Silence fell between them as Leon contemplated the blond's words, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth against Cloud's skin. "Okay," he found himself saying before he even registered the word in his brain.
Cloud raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"
Leon nodded. "Yeah," he affirmed. "I trust you."
