me: its *looks at clock* 10:06 where i am and u know what that means!
also me: no they dont, this is the first time we've done this
me: shut-up kill joy~
also me: whatever...
me: ITS TIME FOR LOL QUOTES WITH UR FRIEND-PROCLAIMED INSANE HOST, COURTNEY(s)
also me: *rolls eyes*
me: u know u love it~
also me: yeah, yeah, yeah...
me: ON TO THE QUOTES!~ theres some repeats in there so dont be mad we're (i'm) just lazy
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“If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk;”
“Join the army. You’ll visit exotic places, meet the people who live there, and then kill them.”
“Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?”
“Can you get cornered in a round room?”
“Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back;”
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me;”
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
“First we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, and now we have swine flu! It's the FARMAGGEDON!”
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy;”
“It’s not stalking… it’s investigating.”
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver;"
"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said."
“It’s a biiiig mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you’re in a hurry;”
“A positive attitude will not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort;”
“You know you need sleep when the sheep you’re counting start to hit the fence;”
“Mum and Dad always said that school was my job for now. I’ve been going for years; where the hell is my paycheck?!”
“I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look to good either;”
“Reality is a nice place to visit, but I would never want to live there;”
“I still believe in unicorns, fairies, good men, and other fictional characters;”
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me: these next ones have who said them~
also me: joy
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark Twain
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
Jeph Jacques
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
Mark Twain
In a mad world only the mad are sane.
Akira Kurosawa
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
Henrik Tikkanen
Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid.
Heinrich Heine
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
John Russell
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Unknown
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me & also me: we hope u have enjoyed the firt segment of 'lol qoutes' we will see u next time~
bye-bye~
