So I slacked off on my curl-ups.. xD I did 50 on Saturday and probably more than 50 but less than 100 on Sunday. I wasn't counting, but I did as many as I could! Rather as many as I felt like. xD *lazyy*
And my laziness is probably why I suspect I'm gaining weight. ._. Then again, I'm probably just being paranoid for no reason. Yeahh.
So strangeness. Um.. okay. Anyone who doesn't care, leave now or forever hold your peace. I know that's not how it goes, but that's what I said.
ANYWAYS... storytime!
On April 9th, I wrote a letter to this dude and I told him I'd give it to him on June 5th. I said it would be like a time capsule and so that's why I did it. I put the letter in an envelope, sealed it shut, and never opened it or even attempted to open it for any reason.
From April 9th to probably April 20th or so, we enjoyed each others company. In other words, we were friends.
April who-knows-what (somtime between April 20th and April 25th, my sister's birthday), he started drifting away from me. There was this new girl on our bus and most of the people I used to talk to drifted a little bit from me, but he, who I will call Bill (Akioh totally knows who this is. xD His name's not Bill.), was slipping through my fingers the fastest. Soon enough, he wouldn't even talk to me. I mean, it was my fault for not trying to keep our friendship, but then again it sort of felt like he didn't really care that we weren't talking anymore.
Anyways, time flew and we barely even looked at each other, except for the occasional text I would send him to see how he was doing, which made me feel sort of stupid but I honestly didn't care. I would try to avoid texting him because I didn't want him to know that I missed him, but resisting for a couple of days, I'd just stop caring and decide I'd text him. Two or three times I'd try to talk to him in person, but most of the time I was afraid he wouldn't want to talk and when I did talk to him, it was sort of awkward.
IF YOU DON'T CARE ANYMORE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO STOP READING NOW.
When I was thinking about him and when I wanted to talk to him, sometimes to help me get stuff off my mind I'd write little notes. The notes were addressed directly to him as if I thought "because he's actually gonna read these. Right." and so I wrote a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't because I was afraid and because they were my feelings. Ick.
Time passed, and the notes piled up. I had about 4 more notes plus my inital letter by June 4th. The night of June 4th, I wrote a final note and that's when I decided I was actually gonna give him all these notes. The next day at the very end of the school day, I got onto the bus. Usually he's there before me and when I didn't see him, I was sort of panicing. I was panicing already because I was afraid of confronting him again since we hadn't spoken in person for a really long time. I texted him and he said he wasn't going to be on the bus. Just as I was about to text him saying, "I have to give you your letter!" he walked on the bus. I was suprised to see him in the first place, but I was even more surprised when he said, "I have to pick up the Time Capsule." (except I don't remember his exact words. It was something along those lines.)
So I gave him all those letters and told him to read them in order and he nodded and smiled and we talked as if we were still friends with each other and it made me miss him. (D'awwwh. *shoots herself*)
He said he was getting a ride with his friend, who I always talk to about this guy, and he didn't want anyone else on the bus to read them. In the end, Chris Light (which is Bill's real name. I just felt like I had to write it.) actually rode the bus because Connor (his friend) couldn't get a ride. I turned around and was looking at the notes in his hands for a little while until he said, "Are you making sure I don't read them?" and I smiled and said, "Yeah." He did this thing that he used to do where he sort of teases me by moving his hands around because he knows I'll follow whatever he's holding. So he moved his hands down, down and down to see if I'd start standing up to follow the notes. Pretty insignificant little bit of information right there, but there it is. xD
So he finally put it in his backpack and I said thank you and it was really rather sad for me because I knew we wouldn't be talking to each other for the rest of the bus ride now.
In case anyone didn't notice, I like Chris. xD Honestly, it SUCKS more than I don't even know because we used to go out, but we broke up. We broke up on March 31st, he told me that he missed me on April 1st and I honestly thought he was playing an April Fool's joke on me when he said it, but he wasn't so I was happy because I missed him, too. But after this new girl came into the scene, I guess he decided that he didn't really see a need to even bother being friends with me anymore, so he drifted. Ba-boom. In fact, the first note I wrote him after the initial Time Capsule was about how sick I was of some of the things he did. Like how I felt like he was only keeping me around for conveniece and he only wants to be friends when he feels like it. So yeah.
But the weird thing was, after a while, I think he stopped liking her because he wasn't talking to her as much it seemed and sometimes he'd sit all by himself and not say a word. One of his friends even told me he was feeling depressed for a period of about 2 weeks. Not that I was counting. xD (That's just a rough estimate, anyways.)
Sooooo.. much to my surprise, he read all of my letters. He told me so today. I didn't know what to say because they were so personal and kind of embarassing, I just laughed. xD I was also happy that he decided to talk to me. So for the rest of the bus ride today, I was signing his yearbook and he would occasionally try to read what I was writing or say something that'd make me smile even though it wasn't funny. x_x
I'm such a sap. xD
The last thing that he did was say bye to me when I got off at my stop. In one of my letters I mentioned how he stopped saying bye to me when I got off the bus. So I was a little surprised, yet glad, he said it.
C:
So I'm in a pretty good mood right now. I know it's really dumb of me to still like this guy after all the crap he's put me through, but I don't know. I can say I don't because I don't want to, but I know I do. IT SUCKS.
But I'm glad.
No matter how much it sucks to like this guy, I'm really glad he's talking to me again.
I was talking with my other friend who called love bittersweet. I totally agree. Life and love are bittersweet, but sometimes even the bitter parts of life have an interesting taste that you just can't resist.
<3
