Mace Meets Moe Nehszriah

I wrote this for The Book of Moe, but there's too much non-anime reference in here to really gel with everything else. I did, however, researched the Book of Ezekiel for a loose interpretation of the events, so this is not just totally random shit going on here.

Once there was a group of citizens in the Land of Moe that were just so fail they were kicked out and told not to come back for a while. Shiggy Lemons did not want them quite gone, for they held many Moe animals and were still observant of Moe ways; it was only a time-out until they realized that ganguro was not Moe in any way. They wandered for a bit before finding a place to stay in the city of Aldergar, where many settled for good. They did trade with the native Aldergarrians and did the Para Para to karaoke on weekends.

There was a citizen of Aldergar who knew of Moe named Mace. He was a man of simple means and found the Moe of Shiggy Lemons to be good. Although most citizens of Aldergar had naturally high levels of GAR, Mace found Moe in the Ewoks and Younglings and Jawas and it was good. Since he was undoubtedly one of the most GAR citizens of Aldergar, no one teased him.

Mace listened to many People of Moe speak throughout Aldergar. They claimed to be Prophets of Moe, but he only saw them as Teh Failz. They preached things like ganguro, manba, perfect symmetry and uberboobs. Mace scoffed at this, for it was not good and was not the Moe of Shiggy Lemons. He ignored them and went about his way.

One day, Mace was wandering on the outskirts of Aldergar when he came across a man driving a land speeder towed by some really ugly tauntauns. This man looked at Mace and blinked.

“You’re not Ninja Ninja,” he said. “I was looking for a warrior of GAR to assist me.”

“Well, I’m more GAR than any imaginary friend can be,” Mace said, pulling out his purple Lite-Brite sword.

“Fine, you’ll do,” Shiggy Lemons said. “So the people are being totally fail with their ganguro and all that. I need someone to start bustin’ some caps… thinning out the failish population… you know… cool beans like that.”

“Can you give me som…?”

“Done,” Shiggy Lemons said. He snapped his fingers and a curly wig hovered before Mace. Mace put on the wig and instantly became the GARest BAMF in all of Aldergar.

“You have forsaken the Way of Moe,” Mace told the foreigners in Aldergar. “And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!”

“Stop copy-and-pasting from WikiQuote!” one of those from the Land of Moe said. Mace broke out the Lite-Brite sword and began slicing peeps.

Suddenly, one of Mace’s fellow citizens of Aldergar, the Boy Named Annie, appeared. Annie had been seduced by the Lord of Fails just fifteen minutes prior and did not like the fact Mace was filled with so much GAR. Annie had to work his entire life to accumulate as much GAR as Mace had in his left pinkie toe, which led him to the path of red Lite-Brite and un-Moe cookies.

In order to complete his conversion to total fail, Annie attacked Mace. It was a cheap shot from behind, which the GARish Mace blocked easily.

“Stop being more GAR than me!” Annie whined.

“Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodw…”

“You make me want to dice Younglings!” Annie cried.

Mace stopped the fight and thought. Although Annie was far from being GAR enough to properly fight him, the Moe Younglings were vulnerable to the Wrath of Fail. He thus agreed to lead those willing to fully return to the Ways of Moe out of Aldergar in exchange for the lives of all that was Moe in Aldergar.

They left and resettled in the City of Moe, which was a land flowing in cheezburgerz and root beer. Mace kept his distance, for he was still a GAR BAMF and refused to take off his wig. He did not want the good things Moe to be scarred by his presence. Instead he set up shop just outside the City of Moe and enlisted other BAMFs to assist him in the Revengencers Project and things like that, protecting all that was Moe in the City.

Date Published
09/25/08 (Originally Created: 09/20/08)
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