I'm tired.
I'm tired of the guessing and the tip-toe walking. I'm tired that you're always tired. I'm tired of the guilt-trips and pressure.
You're acting like nothing's wrong.
Everything is wrong.
You insult my family. By extension, you insult me. By further extension, you're insulting yourself.
Or, are you trying to stress that connection?
Masochist.
Sadist.
Bastard.
I'm not a mind-reader. If something is wrong, I wish you would tell me. With words. Not actions. Not by trying to undo my belt when I'm not looking. Not by sulking when I tell you "No," even if your day has been awful.
We said we would communicate better than our friends did. Promised we wouldn't let that happen to us.
So, how come when I say hello, you log out?
When I say good-bye, you just grunt?
You hug me tight like you're afraid to let go. Yet, you hold me at arm's length. Why? What are you trying to protect me from? Protect yourself from?
I can't grow closer and understand you better if you create barriers or stay silent.
I know you feel guilty. I do, too.
But, I wish guilt wasn't driving you.
I wish you would open your eyes and see me standing here, ready to help.
I don't CARE.
I DON'T care.
I don't care.
And... that's a lie.
