Welcome to the innersanctum of my mind
I post random things here such as rants and life events,feel free to look around,Also there is the poetry domain where I post poetry,If your into poetry and such.
Current statistics:Planning on moving out.
Event
Ever listen to music before and not get the lyrics but like the beat?
Turns out I had a song that contained less than "Sanitary" lyrics on my world introduction..
For over a year. So I do apologize for that.
Just thought of posting this,Maybe some of you are having a bad day and need some cheering up :D.
Come on,high-five the screen,You know you want to ;D.
As you could probably tell by the title,i could be away for a long time,Sadly my reasons for this are too complicated to explain,i will be back,but i myself don't know when.
know that i am forced to go inactive,if it were in my power i would dedicate more time to this website.
Good bye for now everyone
SOOOoooo..About my previous post,ah sorry about that,i was just holding in a lot of pain and i had to release it otherwise i would have exploded,I feel like i can just say anything to you guys,when i am here i am more open than i ever was,so yup i am back to normal,move along people nothing to see here (⌒_⌒;).
I am usually reluctant to post here in theO,I am still fairly new to the website,and my first posts here might have induced the thought that i am an "outsider" just here to Mingle for a bit and leave never to comeback.
I'll be honest, 98% of the time i am online i spend here now-a-days this place has grown very significant to me,I no longer visit websites like facebook.
Whenever the word "internet" is mentioned Theotaku.com instantly comes to mind,So far the All the people i met here Are nice honest individuals,people i wish we had more of on this mortal coil.
I also do not post much because most of what i have in store is whining,and i am sure All of you have enough trouble dealing with your lives as-is.
The environment i was raised in made a lot of ideals sink skull-deep in my head,such that men are Nothing than Cold iron walls,when war is decided men are called,when construction is decided men are called,When...Genocide is decided men are called.
my brothers took in such thoughts,and now they act as such,which in my eyes made them seem stereo-types of every single man in this broken country.
I turned out different,i was hated for it,beaten for it,and we all have been through such events,i have even been called things such as mentally-retarded by my own teachers.
It seems this post has turned into a whine-post already.
I will keep on typing,you do not have to read the rest,in fact you are not inclined to nor expected to do so, i will keep this post as a remainder for myself.
In this country people like things simple,anything that goes into too much details is not worth investigating,or so i have been convinced by Almost everyone i ever met here.
I feel detached from reality i feel like this entire universe has been built just to imprison and torture me.
I always say there are people with worse situations out there,and i am sure there are,though saying that all the time no longer gives me strength as it used to.
I think and Believe that all the people around me are nothing but artificial creations that actually only do as told,told by whom? i don't know.
I am confused all the time,once there is a god watching over us,and then this is just some test made by some other smarter more significant creatures out there.
the unending stream of bad events that went on for years,A disaster after another,my hope is almost diminished i lost All of my personality in the process,every time i wake up in the morning and look in the mirror i see a different person.
I say there is a reason behind anything,a plan,just what is my life worth? i have survived many situations in which other people perished,and for what?
What worth is my measly life to whoever is pulling the strings back there?
Much smarter better just and honest people die though they deserve to live,while i live on only to rot.
everything i thought i knew about this world is proven false,one by one,belief by belief,shot down,i want to believe that there is a light at the end of this abyss that we call life,and for some reason i still do,i put on what i call a smile in my perspective and push on,and tell others that i meet on the road to do the same.
I keep every bad thing that happens to me to myself,never exposing it to anyone,not to family not to best friends not to anyone.
Every time i search up mental disorders, i find almost all of the symptoms in myself,as if some one sat next to me and started reading to me who i am,I am a wreck just a husk,this life has dug too deep into me and taken it's toll,I have been erased and written over.
Who i was,or who i could have turned out to be,That person is long lost.
What i think i "like" are things i cherry picked at complete random to convince myself that i have a personality of my own.
My regular face,the face you put on when your home or when on the streets,people always read it as sad,as Depressed,In sometimes people would ask me for help,they would open up to me,and cry next to me,and i would feel nothing.
All this is very true,i have become the person i used to fear the most in my childhood.
A man of black and white.
