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A Sad Goodbye

[Saw this on my very old blog and read it again (almost made me cry ;___; again]

21st March 1973

Hi, there. I’m Kaoru Nakamura. I’ll just call myself Kaoru. To anyone who had found this journal, please spread the story in it to any best friends who are having a conflict right now or then.

I have a best friend. Her name is Kouru Masamoto and I call her Kouru. Our names were almost the same. It is just the spelling which made the difference. I love this friend of mine very much even though we are very different in common. As an example, I’m a perfect girl whereas Kouru was a bit of a tomboy and loves brutality. However, she is still a kind and helpful friend who understands my feelings even though she bullies me a lot.

The both of us were as thick as thieves. There was never a single problem in between the two of us. Not until one day…

A new boy came into our university and eventually, I fell in love with him. We started dating and my dear friend Kouru was deserted. I had never realized how sad she felt even though she has other companions around her. I thought it was okay to do what I’ve done until one day, she asked me a question.

“Say… Kaoru… err… How’s the kid? Umm… I mean the guy you’re dating with… Is he okay?” she asked, stammering.

“Don’t worry, Kouru. He’s okay,” I answered. “Why… this is the first time you asked about him haven’t you?”

“Err… Yeah,” she answered back. “It’s just that… I’m sort of… worried about you.”

“Aww… You don’t have to be that way,” I said. Then, I kissed her cheek. “I’ll be okay as long as I’m with my beloved Shinta (my boyfriend). Okay?”

She nods her head and asked me to hurry before I’m late for my date. On that moment I thought she really doesn’t care about my ignorance towards her but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

3rd July 1973

It is already three months and twenty-one days since I started ignoring my friend, Kouru. The power of passionate love (Writer: Yuck!!) had over powered me. The true love from Shinta made me forgot about the world around me. It even affects my grades where it increases rapidly instead of decreasing. Well, Shinta is not like the other guys which only wanted women for fun. But, he wanted me to pay attention in class and be successful. I think this was what made me attracted to him like crazy. I thought it is okay to leave Kouru all alone until one day…

One day, I received news from one of Kouru’s friends telling that she’s sick. I felt sympathetic and asked Shinta to come together with me to pay her a visit. As I reached into her house, I met up with her adopted mother(Kouru was an orphan) and told her my intentions. I was invited into the house with a friendly manner and was brought to her room. I entered the room alone and it was jet black inside.

“Kouru?” I called out to her. There was no response. I feel about for the switches and found it at last. I saw her, sitting on her bed with a little penknife at her right hand that was directed to her left arm. I was extremely surprised and quickly snatched the penknife before she really cuts herself.

“What the heck are you trying to do!?” I asked, scolding her. “If you cut that part of your arm, you’ll die, you know.”

She kept quiet and stares at me with rebellious eyes. She stood up and pushed me away.

“Who are you!?” she asked hysterically. “I don’t know you!? Get out!!!”

“Kouru!” I cried. “It’s me, Kaoru. Your best friend! Argh! What is wrong with you!?” I asked, trying to dodge away from the things she threw.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BETRAYER!!!!” she screamed.

I was quite surprised to hear what she had said when suddenly a hand pulls me out of the room. It was Kouru’s mother and she persuades me to go home first as Kouru is not in a very good condition. I forced myself to listen to her and dragged my feet home together with my loyal Shinta by my side.

13th October 1973

Today, I went out on an errand with Shinta. It was a day full of crowds and the streets were full of people as it was Saturday. I tried my best to dodge from the people passing by. I felt lucky as Shinta is holding on to my hand tightly to keep me in guide. I just felt sad as Kouru is not the one who is holding it as usual.

I reached home as usual and went to the kitchen to put down the groceries I had just bought. My mother asked me to go into my room instantly and I wondered why. In my room, I discovered Kouru, lying on my bed. She saw me and stood up quickly. She suddenly hugged me and whispered into my ear, “I don’t wanna be your friend anymore.”

She then walks out of my room towards the house entrance and left. I sat down in the condition of surprised and cried. “Why?” I thought. “Why? What have I done!?”

14th October 1973

I ran into her today. She apparently ignored me. I felt so sad. I don’t know what to do. So, decided to ask an advice from Shinta. He told me that he’s also feeling guilty because he had been the reason of the alienation between me and Kouru. He said that the both of us have to apologize to her. I agreed and we set up a time to meet her…. But, unfortunately, something unexpected happened on that day…

17th October 1973

I was waiting for Kouru to meet up with us on 8.00pm that night. She was ten minutes late and reached us with her body drenched with sweat.

“Quick!” she said. “There’s no time to talk. We’re in danger!”

She dragged me and Shinta to the university’s clock tower. “It’s like this,” she started explaining. “There is a gang of bad guys searching for you and this boy of yours. I bet they might be among the men you had let down and I think that they are jealous about your relationship. They told me that they wanted to kill the both of you!”

“You’ve got to be serious, Kouru,” said Shinta. “This is no fun.”

“Why the heck should I lie to the two of you?” she cried. “By the way, it was you who took Kaoru from me. So, YOU are the evil villain here.”

“Why you…!”

Then, suddenly the gangsters entered the clock tower and without any warning, Kouru attacked them. I gasped in horror, seeing the violence happening in front of me. It was too unbearable to be watched, especially when your own best friend is the victim.

Kouru had defeated almost all of them except one. She seemed to have a little problem fighting with him, maybe because she’s already tired. Shinta and I weren’t able to do anything as she had threat us. But, when she almost falls of the tower, Shinta started to get into action. He hit the gangster at the neck and made him faint but, it was too late for him to grab Kouru’s clinging hand as she had slipped because of the pouring rain. We gasped in horror and rushed down to inspect her condition.

We reached the last flight of stairs and rushed outside into the rain. Then, there I sawher, lying down, lifeless. There was blood everywhere.

“KOURU!!!!” I shout out of grief. I ran to her side and clutched her. “KOURU! KOURU!!!!!”

I looked into her face and saw her eyes slowly opening.

“Kouru!?” I called out to her. She smiled and touched my face.

“Quite a terrible way to commit suicide, huh?” she said, weakly.

“Commit suicide!?” I asked, demandingly. “What do you mean by that!?”

“Hmph… I’m just kidding,” she answered weakly. “Don’t be too naive.”

I felt my eyes watering. “Kouru,” I said. “Both Shinta and I wanted to apologize for our feeling less act. He’s sorry for bringing the alienation between the two of us and I… I’m sorry… for ignoring you. I’m so sorry. We’re so sorry. Please forgive us.”

She smiled again pulled my face slowly to hers. She, then kissed my forehead and said, “It’s okay. I had long forgiven you both. It’s just that…” she reached for Shinta’s hand and attached it to mine’s. She then, continued. “It’s just that I want the both of you to be together… Forever… Shinta, look after her properly, please.”

“Mark my words, Kouru,” Shinta answered. “I’ll never leave her side.”

“I’m glad to hear that…” she said. She looked into the sky and smiled.

“I finally get to meet with you guys again,” she said in a low, almost unheard voice.It seemed like she is not talking to us, but she’s talking to the ‘thing’ she’s seeing in the sky. She held out her hand to the sky and her breath sounded like it’s getting out of her body. She then, died in my clutches, peacefully, smiling.

18th October 1973

After attending Kouru’s funeral, I returned home. However, I still regretted the wrong I had done. I cried as much as I can and in my heart, I prayed for her spirit’s peace.

Letter for you Mom

This is not made by me. My friend in facebook shared it to me and it really touched my heart...

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

life, campaign, abortion, letter
I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, reblog.

thumping heart *O*

oh my, college's next month X3!! i didn't expect that i'll be in college on this country XO!! never expected it, i thought i'll be repeating high school... i hope i'll get over my nervousness soon x.x. never been in school for a year since i graduated last april 2009. i hope i'll be able to find some new friends. it's been so lonely lately, never met anyone new here T.T around my age.

i hope we can finally settled down everything... i really missed making some graphics and playing online games !!!

eat, eat, EAT!!!

wehhhh~~~ i have to ready my stomach now... later on me, my younger sister and my auntie together with her husband will attend a picnic here on there subdivision. So many food for sure and then later on again my dad will pick us up after the picnic and we'll attend a party. that's right food again =w=.
i hope by that me and my younger sister will gain weight... i don't know why but even though we're eating a lot every day we just stay on our weight, weird. My dad and mom just say that our metabolism are faster just like them when they were young.

Food get ready and here I come >:D!!!!

Bye!

Time goes by so fast. I didn't notice that our flight will be next Wednesday. Me and my one little sister will go to our father in the US to live with him. My mom and our youngest sister will be staying here in the Philippines and we'll count a year or so before they'll also go there.

Besides missing my family, I'll surely miss my friends that I have here. It's been a year since we graduated from high school but we still find time to see each other and have a great time. Man, I'll miss that ...

Though a sad experience for me, it will also be a good start. Starting from the very start. Having new environments and a lot of new friends :).