50. Ask what the hell the flytrap on his head DOES anyway
Naruto
1. Keep asking if he’s a clone of the fourth (yeah, I know he’s actually his son)
2. Steal his Ramen
3. Destroy every place in Konoha that sells Ramen
4. Run up to him in front of a bunch of people and yell “Naruto! You forgot to take your medicine this morning!”
5. Ask what the hell the marks on his cheeks are
6. Show him an M rated SasuNaru doujinshi
7. Make copies and give them out to everyone
8. Tell Sasuke it was Naruto’s idea
9. Call him “kitty”
10. Call him Narutard or Nerduto
11. Give him a 5000 item list as to why Sasuke is better
12. Tell everyone that when he found out Sasuke wore underwear, Naruto stopped
13. Ask why he keeps pretending he didn’t enjoy kissing Sasuke
14. Tell him Sasuke dreams about him at night
15. Tell him he has no chance with Sakura because he’s not emo
16. Suggest he go for Sasuke instead
17. Tell him he’s a loser because he lets SAKURA beat him up and she’s the weakest ninja EVER
18. Tell him his obsession with Sasuke has gotten out of hand
19. If he protests, ask if he STILL has Sasuke’s old headband
20. Stare at him for a long time
21. When he finally asks what you’re looking at, say you’ve never seen a rash spread so quickly
22. Ask why the Nine Tailed Fox causes him to be surrounded by cherry jello
23. Throw skittles at his head and yell “Taste the rainbow, bitch!”
24. If he calls you an ass for doing this, yell “Believe it!”
25. Ask him to belly dance for you
26. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Pretty Fly”
27. Ask if he can get pictures of Iruka and Kakashi doing it
28. Tell him you slept with Iruka
29. Tell him that once he actually DOES become Hokage, his life will have no purpose
30. Hit him over the head and call him a dumbass for no reason
31. Ask why the main character is the one with the least amount of fangirls
32. Ask when he plans on figuring out Hinata is in love with him
33. Ask why his Jinchuuriki doesn’t do anything cool like Gaara’s
34. Tell him that orange looks AWFUL on him
35. Tell him dark blue is more his color
36. Ask how many porn magazines he had to read to perfect the Sexy Jutsu
37. Ask how many bottles of gel it takes to get his hair to spike up like that
38. Ask if he works out
39. If he says yes, say “Really? I couldn’t tell.”
40. Ask why he tries so hard to piss everyone off
41. Bet he can’t go ONE DAY without changing some loser’s life
42. Tell him the only reason he isn’t dead yet is because he’s the main character
43. Tell Iruka he’s been cutting himself
44. Ask what the point was to train for two years when all he did when he finally caught up to Sasuke was stand there
45. Ask what’s so great about Sakura anyway
46. Tell him he was named after a character in one of Jiraya’s books (this is actually TRUE)
47. Call him an “Ero-Sannin in training”
48. Slip laxatives into his Ramen
49. Ask why no one in his village sees fit to change their clothes
50. Tell him the village made Sasuke the sixth Hokage
Gaara
1. Call him “the sandman”
2. Ask where he got the contacts
3. Tell him he does a great job with his eyeliner
4. Hold an emo contest between him and Uchiha Sasuke
5. Declare him the clear winner
6. If he protests, show the scene when he’s a kid and is trying to stab his wrists
7. Show him LeeGaa
8. Ask why he’s always on bottom
9. Ask if he’s wearing underwear under his robes
10. If he refuses to answer, assume this means no
11. Write “____ was here” on his gourd
12. Blame Kankuro
13. Ask if it’d kill him to just brush his hair
14. Get him green spandex for his birthday
15. Get a really SEXY picture of Lee in a heart shaped frame
16. Put it on his desk
17. Swear that it’s always been there
18. Stare at him for a long time
19. When he finally asks why you’re staring, say you were just wondering when he’d go all homicidal again
20. Ask if he still has his teddy bear
21. No matter what he answers, point and laugh
22. Buy him bunny pajamas
23. When he makes it obvious he doesn’t like them, cry
24. Sing “Gaara and Matsuri, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
25. If he asks you to stop, tell him Matsuri told you to sing it
26. Ask what the hell happened to his eyebrows
27. Buy a really explicit LeeGaa yaoi doujinshi
28. Leave it on his desk
29. Make sure Temari and Kankuro see it
30. Run into his office yelling, “We’re under attack!”
31. Play the scene with Deidara over and over and over…
32. Yell “Gaara was PWNED!!!!”
33. Glomp him. Constantly
34. Tell him you have the same tattoo he does…on your butt
35. Inform him that the Shukaku is REALLY ugly
36. And weak
37. Paint his room green with the word “YOUTH” written on his walls
38. Show him GaaTema
39. Laugh at his reaction
40. Ask why there’s a giant peanut on his back
41. Tell him he IS loved, wait two seconds, then say “JUST KIDDING!!”
42. Ask why he’s such a brat
43. Tell him he’s not the only one with problems
44. Tell him Matsuri is pregnant with his child
45. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Pretty Fly”
46. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Best Friend”
47. Ask what’s so great about sand anyway
48. Tell him his attacks are entirely too predictable
49. Spray him with water
50. Sign him up for ballet lessons
Sakura
1. Ask why she even BOTHERS chasing after Sasuke, when it’s so obvious he’s gay
2. Tell her she’s completely useless
3. If she denies it, show her all the clips where they actually SAY in the series that she’s useless
4. Accuse her of trying to seduce Kakashi
5. Ask why she won’t just admit her love for Naruto/Lee already
6. Tell her that her forehead is HUGE
7. Tell her she shouldn’t be so jealous of Ino, because she a FEW okay traits as well
8. When she asks what they are, pretend to think hard for a long time, then say “Okay, you’re right. You suck.”
9. Call her “Suckura”
10. Show her all the “We Hate Sakura” clubs
11. Send her Naruto’s Ramen bill
12. Put a bunch of InoSaku in her room
13. Tell her Ino dropped it off there…as a hint
14. Ask if her “night job” pays well
15. Ask where she got the contacts
16. Tell her that her hair reminds you of really cheap bubblegum
17. Tell Naruto she has a HUGE crush on him
18. Show her all the crack pairings there are with her in them
19. Ask what exactly her special power is. Annoyance?
20. Spread a rumor that she slept with Lee
21. Put all her make-up in the freezer
22. Tell her Sasuke’s dead
23. Tell her she’s so ugly, she turned Sai gay
24. Leave messages on her phone pretending to be Sasuke
25. Ask her really loudly in a crowded room, “So, Sakura. How’s your herpes been doing?”
26. Ask if she’s a boy or a girl, because frankly she’s so ugly you can’t tell
27. Tell her she really needs to do something about that giant forehead problem
28. Tell her Sasuke and Ino are getting married
29. Tell her you’re pregnant with Sasuke’s child
30. Tell her NARUTO is pregnant with Sasuke’s child
31. Ask where she got her dress…because you want to go burn down the store that sells clothes that ugly
32. Forge a love note from her and give it to Kakashi
33. Accuse her of reading Icha Icha Paradise
34. Ask how the hell someone as weak as her got to be a ninja
35. Tell her she’s a master at “sit-and-do-nothing no jutsu”
36. Dye her hair blue
37. Blame Sasuke
38. Get Lee really drunk
39. Lock the two of them in a closet
40. Give her a five thousand item list of why Ino is FAR superior
41. Set her up on a blind date with Shino
42. Whenever she walks into a room, play “Ugly Girl”
43. Photoshop an image of her and Lee kissing
44. Put disturbing pictures of Naruto all over her room
45. Take her to an Anime Con
46. Watch the fangirls beat the shit out of her ^_____^
47. Put up wanted posters of her
48. Shave her head
49. Give her a gift certificate for a good deodorant
50. Tell ner she's even less popular than NARUTO!
Kakashi
1. Run up to him and yank off his mask
2. Stare at him for a minute, then pull it back up and say “You look better this way…”
3. Tell him Gai is way sexier than he his
4. Tell him his Sharingan is just a cheap rip off, and he shouldn’t go around ripping other people’s eyes out
5. Go up to him and ask, “Who cuts your hair? Beavers?”
6. Tell him he forgot to put on matching eyes this morning
7. Ask if he’s old because he has gray hair
8. Show him GaiKakashi
9. Show GAI GaiKakashi
10. Steal all his Icha Icha books
11. Replace them with Encyclopedia Britannica
12. Ask if he has gray hair...down THERE
13. Ask why he spends his mornings talking to rocks (the memorial stone)
14. If he tells you, pause for a moment, then ask why he talks to dead people
15. Whenever he enters a room, play “Sex Bomb”
16. Sick Zabuza fangirls on him
17. Ask WHY he molests Naruto in their first training episode
18. Call Sasuke his “mini-me”
19. Proclaim to everyone that he is quite youthful
20. Set him up on a blind date with Gai
21. Spike his foods with laxatives
22. Time how fast it takes him to eat
23. Ask him out constantly
24. Cry when he says no
25. When he finally says yes, scream “Ahhh! RAPIST!!!!”
26. Ask him if Minato ever touched him as a child, and that’s why he’s so screwed up
27. Ask if that’s also why he doesn’t like Naruto as much as Sasuke
28. Draw clothes on all the pictures in his books
29. Steal all his clothes
30. Leave a bunch of green jumpsuits in his closet
31. Blame Gai
32. Tell him Sakura is pregnant with his child
33. Tell his fangirls where he lives
34. Take him to an Amine Convention
35. Watch him try to fight off rapid fangirls
36. Record the event
37. Show the recording to Naruto
38. Tell him copying other people’s moves is cheating
39. Ask why, if he’s so powerful, he only has one ORIGIONAL move
40. Take a picture of him without his mask
41. Put posters of it all over Konoha
42. Accuse him of raping his students
43. When he denies your accusations, show him KakaNaru, KakaSasu, and KakaSaku doujinshi
44. Wait until he’s in the hospital, then ask Gai to visit and give him a speech about youth because he really needs one to cheer him up
45. When he’s late, ask if it’s because he was masturbating
46. Ask if he wears the mask during sex
47. Ask if he wears the mask to cover up the really ugly mole on his chin
48. Ask if he talks to his nindogs when he gets lonely
49. No matter what his answer is, laugh and tell him that’s pathetic
50. Tell everyone in the village you saw him screwing Iruka
Kakuzu
1. Call him Zuzu or Kazu
2. Tell him he’s almost as much of a cold-hearted bastard as Pein or Madara
3. Tell him he seriously needs some moisturizer
4. Ask if you can borrow one of his hearts
5. Dye his stitches pink
6. Ask what’s wrong with his eyes
7. When the faces come out of his back, make a face and say “Ew, his pimples burst!”
8. Ask why he can throw up string and if that’s really useful
9. Accuse him of being the one to start the nail polish trend
10. Cut out one of his tentacles
11. Play jump rope with it
12. Ask if you can borrow some money
13. Compare him to Mr. Krabs (both are REALLY cheap ^__^)
14. Tell Hidan he’s in love with him
15. Tell TOBI he’s in love with him
16. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Coming Undone”
17. Whenever he walks into a room, play “What What” (the gay song by Samwell)
18. Ask if either of these songs touch his heart(s)
19. Buy a bunch of issues of Seventeen magazine and show them to him
20. Show the other members and swear you got them in his room
21. Ask what the point is of having five hearts if they’re so easy to get rid of
22. Point out that he lost to a bunch of sixteen year olds
23. Steal his money
24. Use it to buy KakuHidan doujinshi
25. Scatter them around the base
26. Claim they belong to him
27. Steal Hidan’s scythe and hide it under his bed
28. Go shopping constantly, using the Akatsuki budget
29. Compare him to a scarecrow/ Frankenstein
30. Ask how it makes him FEEL to know he’s a total freak job
31. Ask if he’s always seme, or if he and Hidan switch it up
32. Sign him up to be on Dr. Phil
33. Tell him he did a really crappy job sewing Deidara’s arms back on
34. Offer to pay him to strip for you
35. Tell everyone else about it
36. Ask what the qualifications are for being a bounty hunter, and if it’s possible to get an internship
37. Ask if there’s stitches “down there”
38. Ask what he does with all his free time, considering how he’s immortal
39. Tell Zetsu he has five hearts, so there’s more meat on him
40. Ask if he ever considered washing his hair
41. Suggest Itachi give him some beauty tips
42. Tell him porn stars make more than bounty hunters
43. Tell him he’s mean for someone who apparently has five hearts
44. Ask if he was born on Valentine’s Day
45. When he and Hidan go to a hotel while on a mission, reserve for them a one bed room
46. Tell him this saves money
47. Ask him to sew you a sweater
48. Any time he does ANYTHING ask him to please stop because it’s annoying
49. Ask if he’ll sew the button back on your teddy bear
50. Ask what it’s like to live for over a hundred years, and never get any sex
Kankuro
1. Ask if he’s upset that his LITTLE BROTHER beat him to becoming Kazekage
2. Point out that he wears more makeup than his sister
3. Get him a Sephora gift card for his birthday
4. Tell everyone it’s what he asked for
5. Show him GaaKanku
6. Ask why everyone thinks he’s a perv
7. Glomp him and yell “KITTY!!!”
8. Do this in front of the Sand Council
9. Ask him to put on a puppet show for you
10. Tell him using Sasori’s old puppets is cheating
11. Go on and on about how HAWT Gaara is
12. Tell him Shikamaru’s doing his sister
13. Tell him it’s really pathetic to be afraid of his little brother
14. When he’s being mean, say “I’m telling your mom. Oh wait, your mom’s dead!”
15. Ask to borrow his eyeliner
16. Draw on his face when he’s asleep
17. When he confronts you, tell him you see no difference
18. Put GaiKanku posters up in his room
19. Ask why there aren’t any good pairings involving him
20. Tell him he’s less popular than Naruto
21. Ask that he put on a puppet show for you
22. Show him the fight with Sasori and replay it over and over
23. Yell out “You got owned!” every time
24. Ask why the hell he wears head to toe black in the desert
25. Tell him he’s really weak
26. Prove it by pointing out that Sasuke defeated him…with a pebble
27. Ask why all his puppets are ugly
28. Inform him that his voice sucks
29. Steal his hat
30. Sell it on EBay
31. Show him GaaLee
32. When he gets pissed off, ask if it’s because he’s jealous
33. Get him a collar
34. When he walks into a room, play the “Gay Barbie” song
35. Call his puppets dolls
36. When he says they’re not dolls, roll your eyes and say “Then what are they? Action figures?”
37. Burst out laughing every time you see him
38. Buy him a ball of yarn
39. Ask if he’s emo
40. Cut the ears off his hat
41. Use his carving tools to pick your teeth
42. Tell Gaara that he has wet dreams about him
43. Tell him he’s almost as unhelpful as Sakura
44. Call the pound when he goes outside
45. Ask if he spits up hairballs
46. Buy a bunch of kittens and put them in his room
47. Tell him they’re his babies
48. Ask Temari to install a fan in his room
49. Ask him for an autograph
50. When he signs it, shake your head and say “No no, I wanted you to get Gaara’s for me.”
Itachi
1. Inform him that Sasuke could probably kill him in his sleep
2. Whenever he gets angry, ask if he’s PMSing
3. Ask about his sex life
4. Show him KisaIta and ItaDei
5. Show him ItaSasu
6. Record his reaction
7. Give him dark glasses for his birthday
8. Or a cane
9. Whenever he walks into a room, play “I am beautiful”
10. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Barbie girl”
11. Pat him on the shoulder and say “he touched you, didn’t he?” then walk away
12. Accuse him of drawing the lines under his eyes
13. Whenever he walks by say “Maybe it’s natural, maybe it’s Mayebelline”
14. Ask who does his nails
15. Cut off his ponytail and gel his hair to stand up (note: This will make him look JUST LIKE SASUKE, so you may have to fight off fangirls once you do this)
16. Inform him that he’s “a couple commas short of a Sharingan.” (yes, I came up with that myself)
17. Offer to strip for him (if you’re a girl)
18. When he declines, say “it’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?”
19. Leave KisaIta yaoi ALL OVER THE BASE
20. Claim you got the pictures from Itachi’s room
21. Point at him and laugh randomly
22. Tell him his fight with Deidara was COMPLETELY unfair, and if Deidara had just known not to look at his eyes, Itachi would be dead
23. Dye his hair blonde
24. Keep bugging him about WHY exactly he killed his clan
25. Tell him in a very serious voice, that while he and Sasuke OBVIOUSLY still love each other, both of them seriously have their priorities screwed up.
26. Suggest family counseling for the two of them
27. Ask when he’s expecting
28. Try to convince him that Suisei is alive
29. Call him “weasel-chan”
30. Give him an eye test (laugh when he does poorly)
31. Tell him you saw a necklace JUST LIKE HIS at Claires
32. Have a beauty contest between him and Deidara
33. Declare him the clear winner (because you have to look like a GIRL to win one of those)
34. Tell him you’re his long-lost cousin he forgot to kill (note: he may try to kill you now)
35. Do a really bad Sharingan imitation
36. Inform him that he is, without a doubt, GOING TO HELL
37. Show him chapter 393 of the Manga
38. Mispronounce his name. Often.
39. Buy a shark plush toy
40. Say you found it in his room
41. Inform him that if he had any less of a personality, he’d have to be dead
42. Blindfold him in his sleep so he’ll wake up and think he’s blind
43. Put disturbing pictures of Sasuke all over his room
44. Ask if he’s really happy, or if he just THINKS he’s happy with his life
45. Put his hair in pigtails
46. Take him to a Naruto convention
47. Watch him attempt to fight off fangirls
48. Take photos of the event
49. Insist on holding his hand
50. Sign him up to be the Covergirl spokesmodel
1. Walk up to him and say, "Hi!"
2. Ask him why he didn't kill Sasuke and keep asking, "Why?" over and over again
3. Drop a pail of chile/sour cream (mixed) on him
4. Stare at him for no reason
5.Point to a part of your face, keep telling him he's got something "rrrriiiiggghhhttt there, no here, no HERE, here damn it! I GIVE UP!" and stomp out madly
6. Steal his nail polish and tell him Orochimaru took it<br />
7. Trick him into swearing that he will never kill again--
8.--when (if!) you do show Sasuke where Itachi is hiding (at the time)
9. Make Kisame raise his hand and say with an austrilian accent, "I am a nice shark, not a mindless eatin' machine, fish are friends, not food" and try to get Itachi to do the same
10. Look at his nails, scream, "BLOODY MURDER!" and pretend to faint
11. Ask him where he got his nail polish
12. When he falls asleep steal his clothes--
13.-- and paint his nails pink color