Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Lukaiel. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Lukaiel's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Lukaiel to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Lukaiel became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--

candy candy

this tag was a bit personal, just a warning. also be prepared because I'm super cheesy.

1. Are looks important in a relationship?
... To me, yeah. While I definitely don't think that your relationship should ever be based on looks, I think it's important to see the physical beauty in your partner, as to be able to appreciate them even more so.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?
If you're truly in love and you aren't sacrificing your passions, then yes.

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship?
Sure am<3

5. Are you in love?
So much that I can't express it words.

6. Are you single this year?
Nope. :3

7. Can you commit to one person?
I've never had the desire to be with more than one person at one time. owo

8. Describe your crush.
Funny as hell, a bit shorter than I, gorgeous icy blue eyes, very sweet and thoughtful, he's very dedicated to what makes him happy and really optimistic <3

9. Describe your perfect mate.
Basically my boyfriend. He makes me laugh and has a really awesome sense of humor, he's nerdy, and he can be dominant *///* but he still has a sweet side. I never thought I cared about whether my mate would need to be optimistic or pessimistic, but one of my favorite things is that he always sees the bright side and helps to bring me up instead of pull me down.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married?
Since I was a kid, I thought I'd never want to get married. But as I've come to realize that I've found my soulmate... I think maybe someday. But it's not on my list of MUST HAPPEN.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?
Depends. If they're genuinely sorry and won't do it again, I can forgive.

13. Do you get jealous easily?
Very much so. But I'm working on it.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Don't tell anyone, but there's this really hot knight named Jason... <3

15. Do you like kissing in public?
A small peck is fine, but anymore than that makes me uncomfortable.

16. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Already have done so. Once I'm in a relationship, no matter how serious, I consider myself off the market.

17. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
More than likely, no.

18. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?
With Jason, yeah. c:

19. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Probably not. But actions speak louder than words.

20. Have you ever been cheated on?
LOL yeah by three of my exes. Joe, Connor and Matt.

21. Have you ever cheated on someone?
No, but my relationship with Matt was questionable because I was really hung up on Joe.

22. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
Yeah lol. I've wanted to get a nose job and such but I'm much more accepting of my face now that I realize that I don't want these things. All I want are my breasts removed.

23. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
More often than I'd like to admit. But those people are out of my life.

24. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
Let's see. Joe, Ashley, Connor... yep.

25. Have you ever had sex with a man?
not yet xD

26. Have you ever had sex with a woman?
don't plan on it lmao

27. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
my boyfriend is 9 days older than me. c; I like the older men~

28. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
Ashley, yeah. Gross.

29. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yeah o;

30. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Ashley lol, though why I wanted her I'll never know.

31. Have you had sex so far this year?

32. How long was your longest relationship?
The one I'm in, we're about three weeks away from our two years!

33. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
Uhhh. 7...? damn.

34. How many times did you have sex last year?
none lolol

35. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
how am I supposed to just pick one???
I like how we're best friends as well as boyfriends. c:

36. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
Probably this guy that I almost dated before Jason. His name was Kyler and he had so many chances to take me but he never wanted me until after I was taken of course.

37. Is there someone you will never forget?
I don't forget people very easily. I usually remember people I've had a pleasant conversation with.

38. Share a relationship story.
When Jason gave me my first hickey, he pulled away and looked at it like "O:" and then proceeded to say "It looks like I killed you!"

39. State 12 facts about your body
well okaaaaay
-I dye my hair different colors quite a bit, at least every three months.
-I want to be porcelain pale, but I'm slightly paler than average at the moment.
-I have really nicely shaped legs, but I also have really bad cellulite in my inner thighs. :<
-I have quite a few moles lol, but I don't hate them.
-I have seriously no ass. -.-
-My collarbone is dislocated and scarred.
-I only have freckles on my right shoulder. Nowhere else.
-I have big eyes and a big nose, but my glasses accentuates the bigness of my nose and makes my eyes look smaller.
-Whenever I have pink hair, my lip color seems to match the same shade of pink.
-I have masculine-ish hands, but small feminine fingers.
-My bone structure is almost like I'm supposed to be really tiny, but I'm really overweight LOL I have tiny ankles especially
-a usual outfit for me is an oversized shirt and leggings or skinny jeans with hightop shoes or boots

40. Things you want to say to an ex
I hope it kills you that I'm as happy as I am. You're pathetic and manipulative and I hope someone makes you feel the way you made me feel.

41. What are five ways to win your heart?
-Have a similar sense of humor as I do.
-Be a nerd~
-Try to learn about me, but talk about yourself as well
-Be open-minded and supportive of people and ideas
-I like creative people. :3

42. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?
Hahaha... well, I have an ex (? kind of) named Tom who was 21 when I was 11/12. So about 10 years o_O

43. What is the first thing you notice in someone?
Their eyes or smile.

44. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
uhhhh wellllllll. handjobs are fun and grinding really turns me on and kissing and touching and yeah. I like anything that Jason and I have tried lol

45. What is your idea of the perfect date?
I'm not sure honestly as long as it's semi-quiet and we get to spend time with one another. I really like movie dates and going out to eat.

46. What turns you off?
Dirty talking LOL and uncleanliness and being too persistent with stuff.

47. What turns you on?
Gentlemanliness, dominance, roughness, claiming me as yours.

48. What words do you like to hear during sex?
Haven't had sex, and I don't like dirty talking, sooooo.

49. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
Nice hair and a great smile, I like alternative fashion and stuff so there's that.

50. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
As long as it's legal, I don't mind.

51. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?
It's hard to pinpoint that because I'm constantly jealous. But I was probably envious over someone's looks or ability to be able to pull off certain makeup and fashion.

52. Who was your first kiss with?
Jason <3333

53. Why did your last relationship fail?
He was trying to change me into this little scene chick domme and just no.

btw I bleached my bangs trying to get blonde AND IT TURNED PINK
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I love it though

also I finally got an Instagram, so if you care to follow me, I'm aprinceindistress. c:

summer rains. you can never predict them


01: Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Jason and I will have been together 2 years next month on the 18th. We always talk out our problems and inspire one another. We have a Prince/Knight relationship. He pampers, takes care of, and protects me like I'm a prince. We have interesting chemistry while also being best friends.

02: Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Living with Jason. Being a part-time housespouse and working at the renaissance faire and/or my own shop/spa while writing.

03: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Personally, they're not for me. I don't like being around people who are high at all. Drunk people are okay sometimes, depending on what kind of drunk they are. I would rather you just do your thing and keep it away from me.

04: Your views on religion.
I think it can bring out the best or the worst in people. If you have something to believe in that keeps you going, great! If you put others down and force religion on people, that's not very cool.
I myself believe in faeries and magic. Say what you want.

05: A time you thought about ending your own life.
Oh dear. Uhm.
I was 10. I told my parents that I was upset about how I look and how people made fun of me. I told them that I wanted to hurt myself. They got into a huge argument and fought over who was to blame for my insecurities. I felt that they were fighting because of me, so I took a lot of pills and cut. Luckily, I threw up and was fine.

06: Write 20 interesting facts about yourself.
...20? holy. alright.
-I used to play guitar and sing fairly well until I stopped both of those for a summer before high school. Now I sing like a dying cat and can't remember how to play guitar at all.
-I whine in my sleep. -w-
-I have a tendency to stare at strangers in public, because I like to wonder about their life.
-I always come up with a compliment for everyone that catches my eye, even if I'm too shy to talk to them.
-I go through phases like I change my clothes.
-I'm very affectionate and clingy. It tends to scare people away.
-I have to cuddle with something when I sleep. Usually it's my and Jason's teddy bear Ollie.
-I'm almost always sore or bruised because I'm anemic.
-My collarbone is a very emotionally sensitive place for me. I very rarely let people see it. It's where I used to cut the deepest. It's also dislocated. My brother punched me in a fist fight with him and shoved it out of place, but that was four years ago and I never got it shoved back into place.
-I'm literally always craving pickles.
-I can't talk to cashiers without crying in the car on the way home.
-I'm a huge history geek.
-Though I plan to transition to a mostly male body, I want to keep my hips and not build much muscle.
-I'm awkward around people, I either talk too much or not enough.
-My entire face goes red the moment I step into a public place.
-I'm really vain.
-I have to constantly be reassured by my boyfriend that he still loves me.
-I can literally worry myself sick, and I have a weak immune system.
-I have a heartbeat fetish...

07: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Taurus. I think some of it does. I'm very stubborn.

08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
I'd say right now. I'm done with high school and a wonderful boyfriend and no drama. All that I could ask for now is to be healthier, more social and busier.

09: How you hope your future will be like.
I hope it's full of love and that I will be healthy. I hope that no matter what job I have, that I enjoy it. I hope that I'm still with Jason and my friends all still talk to me lol

10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was a guy in the UK named Joe. I thought we had a special connection. He had quite a few connections... He played with my heart for a year. Then he faked his death to get away from me. He ruined me.
My first kiss was with my first real love, Jason. We were at the renfaire, and I was dressed as a pirate. My friends kept saying we should kiss and so we did after I finally got the courage. He was so polite.

11: Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
-It's Time - Imagine Dragons
-Gravitation - Starfighter Comic Soundtrack
-Don't Wake Up - I Am Ghost
-I Get Off - Halestorm
-Bubblegum Bitch - Marina and the Diamonds
-Ho Hey - The Lumineers
-The One That I Want - Grease Soundtrack
-Starfire - Dragonforce
-Dark Horse - Katy Perry
-Growl - EXO

12: Bullet your whole day.
-Laze around in bed
-Text Jason
-Get dressed
-Go shopping with my mom
-Go with her to get my half brother from my grandparents
-Come home
-Play with my dog
-Get undressed
-This lol

13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
If I don't get to go anywhere else, I want to go to Disney World. *~*

14: Your earliest memory.
I had woken up in the middle of the night and I was wandering around my house. I tripped over a laundry basket, hit my face on a wall. I busted my lip open. My parents heard me crying and called a paramedic to come make sure I was alright.

15: Your favorite blogs.
????? I'm guessing this a tumblr thing lol. I don't have a tumblr.

16: Your views on mainstream music.
It can be really great, or really terrible.

17: Your highs and lows of this past year.
Highs: Graduating high school, keeping a healthy relationship, being generally happy
Lows: Feeling insecure, days that I just lay in bed and cry.

18: Your beliefs.
? Of what? owo Generally, I have a very open mind of everything.

19: Disrespecting your parents.
I'm the good kid. What my parents say, goes. At least as far as they know.

20: How important you think education is.
I think anything after middle school should be based on your interests.

21: One of your favorite shows.
Game of Thrones though I haven't seen much of season 4. >.<

22: How have you changed in the past 2 years?
More confident, more self-respecting and accepting of myself. I've stopped cutting and I'm much more optimistic than I used to be. I see the beauty in more things than I used to. I get really happy over small things now.

23: Name 5 guys/girls who are famous who you find attractive.
-Jared Leto!
-Angelina Jolie
-Channing Tatum (don't judge me)
-Whiplasher Bernadotte (I may not listen to Deathstars much anymore, but daaaaamn)
-Kellin Quinn (it's more of "wow pretty boy" than a "aaayyyy sexy" way)

24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Crap. I can never choose.
I'm going to go with Moulin Rouge at the moment. It's a musical about a writer in the early 1900's, who is poor but apart of a bohemian revolution. He meets a courtesan and they fall in love, though she's pledged to be with a duke. It's a rather intense movie once you get into it, but it does have quite a bit of humor.

25: Someone who fascinates you and why.
A lot of people fascinate me. Everyone is so diverse and I love observing people.

26: What kind of person attracts you?
Gamer, funny, blue-eyed, best friend material, cuddly, masculine guys with a slightly feminine side, dominant guys, people who are optimistic and can bring me out of my slumps. c:

27: A problem that you have had.
Gender-confusion. I think I've got it figured out. I think.

28: Something that you miss.
Having a definite best friend. (aside from boyfriend). I miss having someone I can call up and be like "hey I'm coming over" like?? I haven't had one since Ashley. I've had best friends, but never that kind of relationship since her. But I don't miss her.

29: Goals for the next 30 days.
Start eating healthy and getting things together.

30: Your highs and lows of this month.
Highs: Seeing my boyfriend, writing.
Lows: Getting my first ticket, feeling insecure all the time. :<

the hardest ones to love are the ones who need it the most.


I'm currently sick. >.< I've been sick to my stomach since I got home from Jason's yesterday. I think it's because he spoiled me in candy and sweets ^///^
But at the moment, I'm pretty sure I've vomited so hard that I no longer have internal organs so yay.~

lol so on the way to my boyfriend's house, I got my first ticket. I don't even drive yet. o^o
my landlord was driving me to my boyfriend's town when we got pulled over for not wearing seatbelts. x.x Not very much fun. The cop gave me a hard time because I don't have any ID or anything and I'm 18. >.< I'm working on it dammit. Should be getting my social security card next week (my original one got stolen from my mom's purse a year ago) as well as a state ID. Then I'm going to work on getting a job. owo
Anyway, the ticket is only $10 so it's okay, and I've learned my lesson. Mostly from my boyfriend telling me that he would feel safer if I wore my seatbelt regularly. >.<

But anyway yeah o:
Then we got to my boyfriend's house. He gave me late birthday gifts. n.n some mini candles, candy, a 50 First Dates DVD (I love that movie don't judge me), and a deck of cards. I was really confused about the cards until I opened them and realized that he wrote 52 reasons why he loves me. >////< I think I probably died. So sweet.
We didn't make out all weekend this time. xP just on Wednesday night.

-sexual content warning-
He gave me a hickie on my hip. <3 I can't stop looking at it. It's kind of faded already but god it felt so jagiangak *///* and he did the thing with his hands on me. I got reallyreallyreally close to getting off but it never actually happened for some reason. :< Then we grinded for a bit until I was so ridiculously turned on that I couldn't stand it anymore. So I had a bright idea. "Let's masturbate together." I didn't last very long during that. LOL
But anyway, I learned that I probably can get off from him using his hands, it just takes FOREVER.
Then we talked about sex and I told him that having anything inside me anywhere would make me uncomfortable, and that it scares me. I have a medical condition, so that's one reason. But he basically told me that he was happy with what we've been doing, and that sex wasnt too important in our relationship so yay. c:
-so there's that-

We went to go see 22 Jump Street and How To Train Your Dragon 2! omg~~ they were both REALLY good movies!!
22 Jump Street started out kind of "ehhhhh" but it was so good. Really funny. It lived up to be just as good, if not better than the first movie. :D
HTTYD2 caused me such emotion. Wow. I cried a lot. xD so cute and sad and happy idkfksidlfld
We just chilled out and such until I had to go home. We cuddled a lot. I learned that he actually makes me feel better when I'm really sick by just being in his arms and him rubbing my back and kissing me. I love him so much.

Oh! I cut and dyed my hair. I miss it, but I really like my new hair. It's super asymmetric and now it's dark brown with tints of red and purple lol. I love it. Pictures at the end of the post as usual. c:

I've been feeling really insecure about my body, so I'm done being disgusting. I'm going to start taking better care of myself and eating right. I haven't been taking my iron pills so I'm really bruised up. Especially my legs and pelvis. Ow. But I am going to get healthy. My boyfriend and I made a deal to help eachother keep motivated and on track so yay!
Back to counting calories and such. Might do a detox thing pretty soon, too. Once I stop being sick. >.<

I've been writing a new short story. I SWEAR I'm going to finish it. :3

I've been in a very kawaii, please-pamper-me mood for a while. owo so that's a thing lol but Jason has been making sure I'm happy and taken care of.

Anyway I'm going to end this post because I'm rambling. Feel free to talk to me<3

This is from the day before I cut my hairrrrr.
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unintentionally antisocial. >.<

I feel really bad for not talking to people that I want to talk to. >.<

I always type out a comment on someone's post, but I never have the nerve to actually post it. I get scared that I said too much, or too little or that I ramble off-topic.

It's just that people intimidate me so much. >.< I don't even talk to my irl friends over text or facebook much unless they start the conversation because I'm so intimidated. D: nor do I even talk much about my artwork when I post it. I just post it and just say "yeh.", if anything at all.

I want to talk more, and make new friends, but I'm so awkward and scared of messing up or saying the wrong things. >.<;;

I think this is why I don't have more accounts anywhere. I would like to have a tumblr, or Instagram or snapchat and all these fun things to help me make friends but I'm so bad at socializing. :<

I'm sorry if anyone has ever felt like I was ignoring them. I'm just so crazy awkward. But I'm always open to talking with you.

-Kyle. >.<


I've actually been kinda busy lately.
It's weird. o~o

I think I'll start with last Saturday. I went to the boyfriend's early in the morning. ^~^ It didn't take us long to wind up in bed and making out when I got there. o///o

-sexual content warning-
Basically all we did on Saturday was make out and watch movies lol. At first we just grinded against one another, but I didn't get off. :< then he asked if he could try something new-- using his hands. I was unsure if I would be comfortable but I wanted so badly to orgasm. So I told him he could try, and I'd tell him if I didn't like it.
Yeah. I really liked it. >///< It was the first time I was "vocal" during a session. His mom was home so I couldn't be too loud, but I couldn't control myself. It felt amazing, and he kept at it for like 45 minutes until he got tired. But guess who STILL didn't get off? That's right, me.
But then he was turned on, so he asked if I could use my hands on him. After a lot of consideration, I agreed. But he wanted to make it good for me, too. So he included my fetish into it, where I did the thing to him and rested my head on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. Godddd... that killed me in a good way. Even though I was the one giving, he still remained being dominant by guiding my hand. I still couldn't get off when we grinded afterwards, but his heartbeat is like perfect. It was so fast and pounding, I could feel it against my hand when I rested it on his chest and everything. I had to masturbate (for the last time ever damn.) when I got home just to relieve my tension. I'm squirming just writing about it. >////<
-okay done-

Afterwards, we just cuddled and he asked how it was to hear his heartbeat like that. I was basically speechless, and I asked if maybe he wanted to listen to mine next time he was doing things to me since he was curious. He actually agreed!!! tahlzogzog!! How amazing will it be if he finds himself interested in my fetish as well? *~*
I actually cried after we did all of the things because I felt bad that I couldn't orgasm. There's definitely something wrong with me... (We tried everything, I tried tensing up, untensing, just everything...) But he reassured me that as long as he made me feel good, that it didnt really matter so I was okay.

Anyway, after Saturday, we were innocent until I had to leave on Monday. We just chilled out and played with makeup for a while on Sunday, then we went on a date to see Maleficent.
I liked the movie, but it was WAY different from what you would expect. Not in a good way. After watching it for a while, you kind of know what's going to happen. Some characters are broken... well just one. But otherwise, I liked it. It was super pretty, and all the makeup was on point. o:

Then I had to go home on Monday. I cried a few times during the weekend because I kept feeling insecure and like he deserved better. But he cheered me up everytime and held me when I cried. He actually wrote me a love letter for my birthday that he gave to me so that he could buy gifts later. It's so sweet and I can't stop thinking about it. x///x

Overall a really fun weekend, and I might get to see him more this month after he gets back from a trip in Kentucky.

Every Tuesday, I go hang out with Carli. We call it Musical Tuesday, but we haven't watched a musical yet since she's still unpacking at her new house. So we just derp around and play would you rather.

Wednesday, I don't remember what I did but I think that was the day I went and bought art supplies. c: I got a new sketchbook, a notebook, color pencils, and a watercolor set.

On Thursday, I had to stay at my dad's house all day. We lost power at my house for a while because at like 5am, we had a CRAZY thunderstorm. It sounded like people were throwing baseballs at my house, but it was heavy rain with golf ball sized hail. But jfc. >.< it was crazy.
At my dads, we just drew and hung out and watched Law and Order: SVU. I don't get to see my dad's side of the family much, so it was nice.

Yesterday, I thought I could chill out at home but I actually had to go babysit for Tina.
This morning, I slept in longer than planned so I had to leave Tina's in a rush. x.x I was half asleep and I accidentally left the money she gave me at her house, then when I got outside, I slipped and fell in mud. Which sucked because I've already been in a lot of pain lately, but that made it worse.

Since last Friday, I've had a weird pain in my hip/pelvic region. It started as small pain when I moved it on the right side, but it has spread all the way across to the left side, and it's more frequent. I thought it was because Jason and I overdid it on Saturday, but it started before then, so I have no idea what the deal is. And I've just been aching everywhere. ;-; I think it's probably because of low potassium, and my iron deficiency... I need to get back to taking my pills for that, but I always forget.
I've also been having issues with short term memory. Usually my memory is super good. Like I can remember exact conversations, but lately I can't even remember when I set out my tea to steep. .-.

Oh, I also am starting to graduation money. omg. I got $50 from my grandparents, $25 from my dad on a visa, $25 on a check from another relative, and $100 from my grandmother's cousin. owo I've only spent $30 of it on art supplies and hairdye so far. This is a lot of money to me lol-- and I'm even supposed to have money from Tina for babysitting. It's crazy!
I think I'm gonna buy myself a haircut, makeup, some clothes, probably some supplies to make jewelry and lotion and stuff I want to sell in my shop, maybe some other things. owo we'll see. Carli and I have plans to buy some garters and stockings and sexy things so *~*

I just want to be pampered, which I'm sure that Jason will help me with if I see him again. c: I'm working on starting a diet, and just bettering my appearance and health in general. I've been eating better lately. n.n

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say. I'm gonna chill out today because it's been a bad day. I'll work on writing and RPs hopefully tomorrow. x.x but mentally, I'm fabulous! There's been a good energy between me and the boyfriend and it makes everything seem brighter.

Have a lovely day <3


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