Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Kyle. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Kyle's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Kyle to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Kyle became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--

lights

OH MY GOD.

So I only have two days of high school left. Just the days of finals. c: This fact of course brought upon me the thinking of my future.
I always thought that I would never in my life go to college. But these past days I've been thinking of maybe going sometime in the next five years. Here's my plan so far:
Planning on getting a decent job-- could or could not be career-related, while seeing if I can do volunteer work or something with theaters. While also getting my shop together to maybe be in business by 2016. Then planning to see about going into some kind of cosmology/massage school in a year or two. I'll be working on writing while all of this is happening too.
My ultimate plan is to be a renaissance festival performer and fiction writer while also maintaining my little shop. But I'd also be really happy doing fashion/costume stuff for others rather than just for my own activities. But we'll see where this all goes.
Now to figure a non art-related back up plan. Just in case.
I'm thinking my backup plan will deal with my shop, because my shop is going to contain artwork, jewelry, soaps/candles/other wonderfully smelly things, palm and tarot readings (once i learn), magic items and other little crafts I make. Basically the typical renaissance vendor shop. But I've been thinking of opening a spa/salon to go with my shop. That's why I'm thinking about studying massage therapy. Because I really like making people look and feel good. c:

I'm also thinking of setting up a portfolio for modeling once I get some nice pictures taken of me. c: that's kind of a far away dream of mine, to be a model.

Yesterday was Jason's birthday. c: I've yet to buy him anything, but I kind of know what I'm going to get for him this weekend.
I'm turning 18 in 8 days, and graduating in 11 days. It's getting pretty real. omg.
People keep asking me what I want for both those things and I don't know. xD people usually forget my birthday so I never have to think of these things.
I know that my dad is taking my boyfriend, brother and I to a theatre. :D I'm so excited.
Jason has a list of things I've hinted at. c; LOL as well as some more innocent things so heyyy.
I'm thinking of maybe getting a lip piercing but my mom won't let me. But I doubt she'll HATE me if I do.

I have to dye my hair sometime soon. :< a natural color so I can try to get a job. I'm probably gonna do black with blonde bangs but we'll see.

I've been filled with insecurity lately about my looks, but not my gender so that's pretty good. I think honestly I just need a weekend with my boyfriend. He's like my own personal getaway. c:

I've been working on getting myself into the workout/diet mode. I'm planning on starting that next month. Because with all these events happening this month, I'm gonna want to celebrate. With cake. cx
But I've found a few workout things I don't mind doing. That's my problem: I HATE working out. I don't like sweating. xD but jumping rope is fun, and stairclimbs are easy enough. I need to do squats. I just really want a nice ass okay.
I just need motivation. I've been trying to think of all the cute things I can have when I finally get skinny. n.n clothes, and hip piercings. Which would look hot as hell when I bellydance. cx

so there's your update. c: I hope everyone is having a lovely week. ~

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I'm still in my goth phase. xD but as summer approaches, I'm going into kawaiidesulolita mode.

-Kyle.

corpse bride but actually not

Hello~

I'm feeling much better than I have been. I am absolutely stress-free now!

I presented my senior project last week. I had an anxiety attack while presenting but I persevered. We were supposed to speak for 8-12 minutes and have a few minutes for questions. I talked through my whole PowerPoint for... 3 and 1/2 minutes. xDDD so the judges just asked me questions for the rest of my time and I tried my hardest to elaborate.
But despite how terribly I did, I passed!! I got a D+, 68%. I'm cool with that. B)

Then on Friday night, we did our one-act. Hahaha. It wasn't bad for being really awful. lol. People forgot their lines and cues and it was all bad. But we improv'd through it, so we made up for it. People laughed, so it wasn't a loss.

I babysat for Tina last night, which was easy. The kids were well-behaved which was really nice. I didn't really want to babysit this weekend but I can't say no to people. And I could use $20 so there's that. It was really funny though. Tina came home at about 2am, drunk from doing karaoke all night. And as you know, she's entirely blind. Well she got all disoriented trying to get into her bedroom and was struggling before she just gave up for a moment. She turned to me and was like: "... Am I in my bedroom, or outside of it right now? I am so confused." lol cx she's so cute.
I helped her put together her outfit for the night, and I have to say that I did a really great job. I put her in a strapless red and black flowery Asian-y printed dress, black sandals, a black shawl (it stormed a lot last night so) and painted her nails a sparkly red and had her wear red lipstick.
I would love to do that for people regularly-- help them choose outfits and do their makeup and hair, etc. I could see myself doing that for a living someday.

Jason had his best friend staying over last night and I was babysitting and since we're complete dumbasses, started texting about sexual things we'd like to do with eachother. We both got rather, ahem, excited, and neither of us could even do a thing. o///e so we suffered through it.
But we talked about BDSM things and yeah. Needless to say, I have yet another reason to be excited to see him again. Hopefully that time comes soon.

I've been in a morbid but inspiring mood lately. I've been drawing a lot and watching quite a bit of Tim Burton films and wearing a hell of a lot of black. On Thursday, I wore my new skirt and a black button up, so it looked like a dress. I looked like I was oh mourning but I think I liked it. I want to buy more skirts, actually. Shorter ones. And tights and stockings. Oh the possibilities~ I feel very cute and almost attractive. I felt very confident for the most part, and I felt confident in my gender identity for once.

I haven't submitted art here for a whole. Just dA. So if you would like to see it, you'll have to go to my dA profile. http://APrinceInDistress/

Anyway, I have about 10 days left of school. Graduating next month as well as turning 18. Damn.~

I hope everyone has a lovely week<3

-Kyle.

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drama queen

I don't fucking get it. Why do I have to be sick ALL THE TIME? This is absolutely ridiculous. Every month I get sick for at least three weeks. I'm more sick than I'm not. Just. WHY. Why do I have to feel miserable EVERY GODDAMN DAY OF MY LIFE. It's literally like I'm not allowed to be happy or have fun or just be okay. I can't do this anymore. I can't just fucking deal with it like everyone says I need to. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I just want to go more than one fucking week without being sick. Is that so much to ask? I guess so because I've done nothing but lay in bed and cry all day because the pain is just fucking unbearable. I can't fucking hear out of one ear. My body feels like I just got the ever living fuck beat out of me. My throat is scratchy and I feel like I'm swallowing razor blades.

GOD I JUST WANT TO CUT. It wouldn't solve anything but at least I would get some kind of relief.

I really just want to scream.

too shy to scream.

So hello there. -w- I haven't updated in a while because I've been sick and busy with school. Right now I'm in a lot of pain. I'm sick again. Everything hurts and I've been in a cold sweat and coughing a lot and I'm pretty sure I ...

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All My Heart (tmi post)

oh. my. goodness.

This weekend was absolutely perfect! It was exactly what I needed after a particularly terrible week. It was really rough and stressful but I'm so happy right now, I can't even comprehend that I was ever that miserable. I was battling the urge to cut and just generally hating myself. But now I can't stop smiling. c:

The good times started Friday after school. I had been feeling pretty insecure about my looks lately so I finally got my hair cut and dyed. It's pretty short and it's all a bluish purple. I love it so much! I feel really cute. c:

I'm also excited because the renaissance faire is coming up~ and I got a part in a play in my theatre class :D it's a parody of Hamlet. I play three roles (sort of): hamlet's father's ghost, Philonius (I think that's his name??) and Actor #3, who's all excited about a sword fight lol.

Then yesterday morning, I FINALLY got to my boyfriend's house. He got me started into Assassin's Creed. :3 and we watched cartoons and movies like we always do. This time we watched Movie 43, Liar Liar, Steven Universe, Eclipse (like the Twilight movie), and Gravity Falls. It was a lot of fun. c: we talked and cuddled and laughed.

Buuuuut there was much more happening as well. c; I'm going to talk about some sexual stuff so you can scroll past it if it makes you uncomfortable.

We made out a few different times, but there was one point when everything really changed.
It used to be, our version of making out, that we just kissed a lot. Not really any tongue but that was that. Because I'm kind of terrible at it xD
Well.
He gave me my first hickies. o///o under my collarbone. The first time was just a test to see if I'd like it, if he could even do it (he thought he wasn't good at them). And I just loved it so he gave me another and it was... woah. x3 and he pulled away and looked at it and was like "oh my god this is awesome :D" and I agreed omg. We were both so giddy about it cx
Then we got to making out more. And he pulled away and we just talked about our little kinks and such. He told me he really liked grinding, and that he wanted to try it with me. So he got up, turned off his light and got on top of me.
It was apparently his first being on top while doing this, and my first time EVER doing this. So we were grinding (with clothes on). And like I thought he was really attractive before, but the impossible happened and he became like 143773 times more sexy. His expressions, his sounds, everything. Like oh my heavens. And we ended up orgasming at about the same time. (Which is the first time we had ever done anything like that)
It was such a magical experience. Not just because of the sexuality, but we had such chemistry. My heart was pounding and I could feel his racing against my chest. So wonderful. And he was such a sweetie. Being a gentleman, asking me if I liked it and if it was okay and taking care of me. He told me that he loved me and called me beautiful.
Afterwards, we just held eachother and talked about it and went to sleep after watching a movie.
We did it again today before I left and I got to listen to his fast heartbeat after he orgasmed. God he was just... Wow. Perfect.

I've never felt such a connection. I'm really glad we got to experience it together and I'm excited to make more memories with him. I feel like it really added strength and trust and love to our bond. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so much.

All my life, I haven't had the best luck with people I fall for. I've had my heart broken so many times but with him, it's obvious to see why no one else could've worked out with me. Everyone else made me feel bad about myself or neglected me. But he is so handsome and sweet and caring and he reassures me about how much he loves me. I've never had such a good guy for so long.

I'm excited to be his.

I'm home now and I have school tomorrow but even that can't wipe the smile off my face. x3
I keep looking at his love bites and just dying of happiness. They're like little secret marks of ownership and reminders of his love.

<3

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend as well~~

-Smitten, Kyle.

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