I feel really bad for not talking to people that I want to talk to. >.<
I always type out a comment on someone's post, but I never have the nerve to actually post it. I get scared that I said too much, or too little or that I ramble off-topic.
It's just that people intimidate me so much. >.< I don't even talk to my irl friends over text or facebook much unless they start the conversation because I'm so intimidated. D: nor do I even talk much about my artwork when I post it. I just post it and just say "yeh.", if anything at all.
I want to talk more, and make new friends, but I'm so awkward and scared of messing up or saying the wrong things. >.<;;
I think this is why I don't have more accounts anywhere. I would like to have a tumblr, or Instagram or snapchat and all these fun things to help me make friends but I'm so bad at socializing. :<
I'm sorry if anyone has ever felt like I was ignoring them. I'm just so crazy awkward. But I'm always open to talking with you.
I've actually been kinda busy lately.
It's weird. o~o
I think I'll start with last Saturday. I went to the boyfriend's early in the morning. ^~^ It didn't take us long to wind up in bed and making out when I got there. o///o
-sexual content warning-
Basically all we did on Saturday was make out and watch movies lol. At first we just grinded against one another, but I didn't get off. :< then he asked if he could try something new-- using his hands. I was unsure if I would be comfortable but I wanted so badly to orgasm. So I told him he could try, and I'd tell him if I didn't like it.
Yeah. I really liked it. >///< It was the first time I was "vocal" during a session. His mom was home so I couldn't be too loud, but I couldn't control myself. It felt amazing, and he kept at it for like 45 minutes until he got tired. But guess who STILL didn't get off? That's right, me.
But then he was turned on, so he asked if I could use my hands on him. After a lot of consideration, I agreed. But he wanted to make it good for me, too. So he included my fetish into it, where I did the thing to him and rested my head on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. Godddd... that killed me in a good way. Even though I was the one giving, he still remained being dominant by guiding my hand. I still couldn't get off when we grinded afterwards, but his heartbeat is like perfect. It was so fast and pounding, I could feel it against my hand when I rested it on his chest and everything. I had to masturbate (for the last time ever damn.) when I got home just to relieve my tension. I'm squirming just writing about it. >////<
Afterwards, we just cuddled and he asked how it was to hear his heartbeat like that. I was basically speechless, and I asked if maybe he wanted to listen to mine next time he was doing things to me since he was curious. He actually agreed!!! tahlzogzog!! How amazing will it be if he finds himself interested in my fetish as well? *~*
I actually cried after we did all of the things because I felt bad that I couldn't orgasm. There's definitely something wrong with me... (We tried everything, I tried tensing up, untensing, just everything...) But he reassured me that as long as he made me feel good, that it didnt really matter so I was okay.
Anyway, after Saturday, we were innocent until I had to leave on Monday. We just chilled out and played with makeup for a while on Sunday, then we went on a date to see Maleficent.
I liked the movie, but it was WAY different from what you would expect. Not in a good way. After watching it for a while, you kind of know what's going to happen. Some characters are broken... well just one. But otherwise, I liked it. It was super pretty, and all the makeup was on point. o:
Then I had to go home on Monday. I cried a few times during the weekend because I kept feeling insecure and like he deserved better. But he cheered me up everytime and held me when I cried. He actually wrote me a love letter for my birthday that he gave to me so that he could buy gifts later. It's so sweet and I can't stop thinking about it. x///x
Overall a really fun weekend, and I might get to see him more this month after he gets back from a trip in Kentucky.
Every Tuesday, I go hang out with Carli. We call it Musical Tuesday, but we haven't watched a musical yet since she's still unpacking at her new house. So we just derp around and play would you rather.
Wednesday, I don't remember what I did but I think that was the day I went and bought art supplies. c: I got a new sketchbook, a notebook, color pencils, and a watercolor set.
On Thursday, I had to stay at my dad's house all day. We lost power at my house for a while because at like 5am, we had a CRAZY thunderstorm. It sounded like people were throwing baseballs at my house, but it was heavy rain with golf ball sized hail. But jfc. >.< it was crazy.
At my dads, we just drew and hung out and watched Law and Order: SVU. I don't get to see my dad's side of the family much, so it was nice.
Yesterday, I thought I could chill out at home but I actually had to go babysit for Tina.
This morning, I slept in longer than planned so I had to leave Tina's in a rush. x.x I was half asleep and I accidentally left the money she gave me at her house, then when I got outside, I slipped and fell in mud. Which sucked because I've already been in a lot of pain lately, but that made it worse.
Since last Friday, I've had a weird pain in my hip/pelvic region. It started as small pain when I moved it on the right side, but it has spread all the way across to the left side, and it's more frequent. I thought it was because Jason and I overdid it on Saturday, but it started before then, so I have no idea what the deal is. And I've just been aching everywhere. ;-; I think it's probably because of low potassium, and my iron deficiency... I need to get back to taking my pills for that, but I always forget.
I've also been having issues with short term memory. Usually my memory is super good. Like I can remember exact conversations, but lately I can't even remember when I set out my tea to steep. .-.
Oh, I also am starting to graduation money. omg. I got $50 from my grandparents, $25 from my dad on a visa, $25 on a check from another relative, and $100 from my grandmother's cousin. owo I've only spent $30 of it on art supplies and hairdye so far. This is a lot of money to me lol-- and I'm even supposed to have money from Tina for babysitting. It's crazy!
I think I'm gonna buy myself a haircut, makeup, some clothes, probably some supplies to make jewelry and lotion and stuff I want to sell in my shop, maybe some other things. owo we'll see. Carli and I have plans to buy some garters and stockings and sexy things so *~*
I just want to be pampered, which I'm sure that Jason will help me with if I see him again. c: I'm working on starting a diet, and just bettering my appearance and health in general. I've been eating better lately. n.n
Anyway, I think that's all I have to say. I'm gonna chill out today because it's been a bad day. I'll work on writing and RPs hopefully tomorrow. x.x but mentally, I'm fabulous! There's been a good energy between me and the boyfriend and it makes everything seem brighter.
Have a lovely day <3
So I'm really bored lately. There's not much to do. v.v
I'm not able to go see Jason this weekend like planned... my ride has plans so. :< we're waiting until next weekend.
I also might throw a birthday party for myself. owo I haven't had a birthday party in a while. It won't be anything crazy, just a few friends hanging out at the park and eating cake and such. Emka is really determined to make a party happen for me so xD
Anyway. Since I'm so bored. I'm going to remind you that I'm TOTALLY available to do art trades and requests. :B
I'm also thinking-- you guys should totally ask me questions-- no matter how crazy or personal, and I'll answer them on a post. It just seems like a fun and interesting thing to do. c: or if you have any video requests or just anything in general for me to do, I'd be happy to comply.
June is gonna be a new start for me. I'm starting a diet an exercise plan, and going to seriously start looking for a job. So I have to dye my hair a natural color. :< I'm gonna miss my purple but I'm also excited to start a new chapter in life. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but I measure my life in my hair color xD changing my hair in any way helps me to move on in life. I'm not sure why lol.
But yeah. I'm here if you need me~ I'm working on getting my new RP up. c:
hey guise :3
what's been happening in my life? hm.
well Saturday, I went to the melodrama theatre with my dad and brother and my dad's friend with benefits (or whatever, he has an online lover, and this chick o.e). It was so awesome!! We had a fantastic dinner first, then watched a play and musical review. I had so much fun, and I hope I get to go more often because I loved it so much. My dad bought me some light up plastic candles (I'm not allowed to have real candles), a very girly shirt, a cute jewelry holder (it looks like a woman with a dress lol), a bouquet of balloons, and a $25 Visa card. I'm most excited about the candles because they're so pretty and shimmery *~* they change colors and I just want them in every room of my life.
At the play, I got my picture taken with the hero because it was my birthday :3 he was so cute. But since it was also my first time going, I was harassed a few times lol.
On Sunday, I went to hang out with my friend Carli for a short time, then my mom and I went to shop for my graduation outfit. She bought my shoes, but I paid for everything else. I ended up with a nice pair of sparkly black ballet flats with bows, a teal undershirt, a black and white oversized cardigan, and black leggings. It was really cute. n.n
Monday... I graduated!
I had a panic attack before it started, but my best friend Tah-Tah and Jason calmed me down. I lost my damn tassel though. >.<
I made it though. I didn't cry and it was a nice time. It went by fast so that was nice.
Here's a picture that my friend Leila got of me and Tah-Tah walking in.
Then today, I went to officially get my diploma and pay my school fees. It feels nice to finally be done with all that nonsense. I know I'm gonna miss it but for now, I'm ready to be stress free for a little while.
My mom took me out to eat at a Chinese restaurant after that. (My favorite <3). So that was nice. x3
Not much happening now but this weekend I finally get to see my boyfriend. <3 I'm so excited.
I've been in a very *anime* mood as of late. But it's hard to watch it without decent phone service. ;-; I want to watch Sailor Moon actually lol but my damn phone. -.-
So I've been watching Toonami to get my fix. I'm somewhat into Space Dandy and Blue Exorcist. Naruto Shippuden as well, trying to get back into that. Luckily I remember quite a bit. It gives me flashbacks lol
Tonight I'm gonna reread Starfighter and Teahouse. :3
So yeah, there's your update.
Also, if anyone is interested, I would love to do art trades and requests. I'll be replying to my RPs and starting up the new one this week so look for that. n.n
Not much else is happening. owo
I'm here if you need me ~
So today was my birthday. :D I am officially 18.
Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes. c: I really appreciated them!!
My day started with me flipping out because of a surprise my mom did for me. It was 7am, I was sound asleep and my foot hit something and I heard a loud POP!!!
My mom had put like 12 balloons in my room and I accidentally popped the one on my bed in my asleep. I thought it was like a bomb or gunshot omfg. It scared the hell out of me. xD I have a severe phobia of balloons popping (or sudden loud noises in general, I'm really easily startled) so I was shaking against a pillow for a while. But now I just laugh because it was pretty funny when I think about it.
After that, I just chilled out, played Prince of Persia and drew all day until I finally got off my ass and got dressed. I wore cat ears all day lol. cx
My mom came home and we went to go get the cake we ordered. It was really simple, but cute.
Then we went to my grandparents' to celebrate. They bought me a Cinderella birthday card that lights up and sings x3 and gave me $30.
A rather simple but nice way to spend my birthday. n.n no complaints.
My boyfriend has been really sweet, planning surprises for when I see him again and writing me long messages and taking personal pictures for me. >///< I took some of -those- pictures for him today as well.
--sexuality warning here--
But what sucks is thaaaaat... I've been really horny a lot lately. Like wow, it's constant. So I thought I could take care of that problem myself like I usually do. Nope. I mean, I finish, but it just isn't satisfying. :< So I thought I would try some new techniques aaaaand... They don't even get me off. They feel fantastic but I never get to the point. So I decided to read up, and it would seem that since I've only used one way to satisfy myself, my mind no longer sees these other techniques as orgasmic. -.- so I've basically ruined myself. Which is just fabulous. So now I'm just stopping masturbation altogether to see if I can resensitive myself. But my hormones are raging. ;~; so I'm in a constant state of arousal and just craving some kind of rough and kinky sexual activity and I can't do anything about it until I see my boyfriend. And I had to explain to him that there's a chance I ruined this for me so I might not climax when I'm with him. He was really understanding. x///x
In other news, I'm supposed to go see a play with my dad, brother and dad's friend with benefits on Saturday. Which I'm really excited about. :D my boyfriend was supposed to come to it as well but he has no ride. :< so that kind of bums me out but I'm trying really hard to stay optimistic.
I've gotten to the point where I crave seeing him, and it feels like my heart is literally aching for him. All I want is to see him, but may is a busy month because of graduation and his driver's Ed and all that. We're planning to see eachother next weekend. I really hope so. >w<
Also, I graduate on Monday. Whaaaaat. It's crazy and doesn't really feel real. o____O
God I feel really whiny and clingy lately. -w- I keep making unnecessary noises to get attention from people. Usually I just do them as reactions but I'm going through something I guess.
Speaking of being whiny, I guess I whine/whimper in my sleep? I've heard it from my mom and brother and boyfriend. I guess it's better than talking or walking or eating. I just hope it's kind of cute in some way I guess. xD
Oh~ and if you can't tell by the pictures up there, I redyed my purple! c: I'm keeping it for graduation and when I go to see my boyfriend again. I'm in love with it. It makes me feel cute.
Anyway, I'm probably going to sleep now. Tomorrow I'll work on getting my new RP world up considering I think I have it all together. owo so have a lovely weekend fellow otakus <3