Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Lukaiel. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Lukaiel's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Lukaiel to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Lukaiel became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.
Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.
--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--
I'm just really curiousssss.
Answer these about me in the comments:
1. First impression of me?
2. Is your opinion any different now? How so?
3. Best memory with me?
4. Worst memory with me?
5. Do you think about me throughout the day?
6. Is there something in particular you identify me with?
7. Is there a character(s) in particular that I remind you lots of? How so?
8. What is one thing you'd like to do with me?
9. What is your favorite thing about me?
10. What is your least favorite thing about me?
11. Have I ever annoyed you?
12. Have I affected your life any? In a good or bad way?
13. Have I ever inspired you?
14. Have I ever taught you anything?
15. Do you hope you'll know me forever?
16. Is there anything about me you envy?
17. Is there anything about me you admire?
18. Is there anything about me you would change if you could?
19. If I were in a video game/anime, what series do you think I'd belong in? Why?
20. Do you hate, like or love me?
21. Can you describe me in 1 - 10 words?
also, miss Akioh is arranging a comment spree so it would be super cool if you guys could check that out!
I'm feeling a lot better since my last couple of posts. It stills hurts to know that Fuzzy is gone, but I'm happy that he's no longer in pain. He will be missed dearly.
Obviously, I'm still not really in a good place emotionally. Not enough to go a day without crying. But I'm trying to keep from isolating myself socially. So while I might be at home a while, I'm still going to reply to people.
Sorry if you've ever commented on anything of mine and I didn't reply. Sometimes my Internet just decides to nope away and I can't reply at the moment I see them. Then I forget to go back and reply. Dx I assure I'm not ignoring anyone!
I'm trying to come out of my shell of anxiety and talk to people regularly. >.< it's hard. Especially during this time.
I've been obsessing over Kingdom Hearts lately. ^~^ Currently playing through the second game for like the 3rd time. o; I've been trying to decide who I would want to cosplay from the series. I love most of the characters, but I haven't been able to really pinpoint which one I connect to like I usually can with other series'.
I've also been watching Sailor Moon (have I mentioned that?)
I guess I'm just trying to chill out. My boyfriend helps a lot with that. ^.^
I took these before my life went to hell and back.
The second one is me with Jason and I's teddy bear child. His name is Ollie, short for Oliver, or Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free! cx
My mom came home from work yesterday. She begged me to go with her to get my half-brother and go out to dinner with her. Neither of us could stay home for very much longer, because of my cat.
We went to dinner, just trying to have a good time and get our minds away from the sadness. When we came back home, my cat was out of his cat bed, lying on his side uncomfortably. We moved him back inside and he meowed in the most heart-breaking way. My mom and I knew we wouldn't be able to stay in the house tonight. He was unbearable to look at.
We said our goodbyes, and my family checked into a motel for the night.
He passed away last night.
My stepdad buried him early this morning.
I'm home now, and I can't stop crying. This all feels so wrong. I feel so incomplete. I can't believe that he's gone. I keep thinking that he's just hiding away, sleeping. But he's gone.
I feel really broken.
So I have this cat. His name is Fuzzy, and I've had him since I was about 9/10 years old.
I remember we first got him when he was a kitten. A little black kitten. We named him Mojo at first, but my dad always jokingly called him Mr. Fuzz, which we then shortened to Fuzzy.
He was really playful and mischevious as a kitten; you could walk by him without a swat at your feet. We used to chase him around the house and he would chase us. He was a delightful little menace.
As he got older, he stopped being so crazy and only played with us when we were in the mood. He would harass the other cats for attention and wait until my mom got home from work to leap onto her lap and follow her around. Sometime when he was younger, we discovered that he was losing fur. And we realized that he was allergic to fleas. So we gave him medicine and he started to recover.
As he got older, he stopped playing really. Started to become really clingy and anytime someone sat down in the living room, he'd be right up in their lap. He would crawl up their stomach and hug them around their shoulders. He would lose and gain fur, and would never gain any weight.
Lately, he's been really sick. Most of his fur is gone, his skin is dry and sandy, he pees on himself on accident, he had a low body temperature. The vet just said he needed to take vitamins, we changed his food to something better, he was dehydrated and anemic, so we made sure to get him to eat and drink and gave him medicine.
Now he's stumbling around, he looks sicker than ever. He won't stop meowing when anyone's around him. He's lost his appetite.
I'm afraid that my kitty is on his last life. And we can't afford to get him to a vet right now. It's $100 up front just for the vet to see him, and it'll probably be double that for treating him.
I know he's an old cat, and I know that he's had a happy life. But I can't deal with this loss. He's grown up with me. My cat is like my brother. He isn't gone yet, but I can't bear to look at him. He looks so sick and so miserable.
We're doing everything we can to help him at home. We're changing his brand of litter and we bought him a cat bed to hopefully warm him up.
I can't stop crying. I just need to know that he's going to be okay.
So hey guise.
From the last time I posted a life update, my emotions have been a little crazy.
For a while, I was incredibly depressed. I felt awful. I couldn't stop feeling insecure and guilty and dysphoric about my gender, my anxiety, and just life in general. It was really a bad time.
I've decided though, that I'm going up stop letting my anxiety get to me. I'm going to talk to people whenever I want, and I'm done letting it cripple me. I've decided that if it still is affecting my life in important ways by the time I move out (in a year or two), I'll go to therapy for it.
For a few days, I thought maybe I was too dependent on my boyfriend for everything, but I realized that I'm not. I've just been lonely and bored and he's been the only one I talk to for a while. But I've been more social lately and I can be happy while not talking to him. Of course, I'm happier when I do talk to him, but I don't need him constantly around to survive.
I've also decided that I'm just going to stop caring about society's views of what a boy is. I'm going to stop trying to pass and just keep being myself. While I plan on buying a new chest binder and eventually going on hormonal therapy, I'm going to dress however I want. As long as the people I care about know that I'm a boy, no one else really matters.
I'm gearing up to start a diet. x.x it's going to happen. I just need to actually start it. But cravings get in the way. >.<
Basically, I'm going to start being a better version of myself and I'm going to be happy.
Since Thursday night, I've been feeling a lot better~ I'm really happy aside from the occasional insecurity. Life is good. My boyfriend is wonderful and helping me to relax.
In other news, I finally made a tumblr. I... have yet to reblog anything, but eventually I will when I get over my shyness about it. The link to it is in my world intro. I'm still learning how it works, so that's an adventure.
I've been trying to have home spa days yesterday and today but my family has been home so -w-
I'm currently watching Sailor Moon, as far as fandoms go. So that's pretty cool. c: I'm on episode 3! lol~
I'm working on a story called Pretty Things. It's about a boy who can see how his relationships end before they even begin. ^~^
Anyway, it's been boring over here. I need to hang out with friends and go shopping or something. Jason and I's 2 year anniversary is in less than three weeks. :D
We've decided to do these things periodically as a way of chronicling our relationship. It started at our 6 months when I filled up half a journal for him of just things about us for Christmas c: but now we're both going to fill up a small journal for eachother for our 2 years. We'll start doing these more often. I think it's such a lovely idea. c:
Well anyway, I'm going to go shower and try to relax today. Hope everyone has a fab day!