Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Lukaiel. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Lukaiel's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Lukaiel to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Lukaiel became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--

dearly beloved

Cute Flower Questions

I saw these on Tumblr, but seeing as how I only have like 5 followers there, I'm just going to do all of these here.

Daisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was 16. o: I actually thought I'd end up being a lot older than I was. I never had a boyfriend that I could actually see in person before except one guy when I was like 14. But he was scared to do anything with me, and I never had the desire to kiss anymore until I got with Jason.

Carnation: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?
Ah, Fall Out Boy, 30 Seconds to Mars, or AFI.

Jasmine: What color looks best on you?
Black makes me look pale, so that's nice. Purple and brown make my eyes stand out. c:

Foxglove: Name three facts about your family?
-My mom was almost a model after high school. But she was pregnant with me instead.
-My family has a running theme of rebellious boys ending up with innocent girls. My grandma was a cute cheerleader who married a goth boy, and my mom was a little preppy chick who married my punk rock dad.
-On my dad's side of my family, we are actually descendants of a Scottish king. c: also, I'm Scottish and some form of Indian on my dad's side. But on my mom's side, I'm Swedish and Greek.

Allium: What's the best thing you can cook?
Pastaaaaa. Or cake.

Orange Blossom: If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?
I don't think I would. I'd like to see how they grew up to be. I would prefer a boy, but a girl is just as nice.

Calla Lily: If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?
I don't know. >w<

Poinsettia: Favorite holiday dish?
Green bean casserole, and peppermint EVERYTHING. Pumpkin Spice anything is usually nice.

Oxlip: Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?
I have, and am in one. Jason lives an hour drive away. I'd never date anyone who lived more than a state away again though.

Primrose: Favorite kind of soup?
Chicken noodle, or Italian vegetable.

Daffodil: What's the most thoughtful present you've ever received?
Ah, for my birthday this year, Jason wrote 52 reasons why he loves me in a deck of cards. Each card had a different reason. c:

Rose: Are you currently in love with someone?
I am. c: <3

Amsonia: Would you ever become a vegan?
If I had to.

Peony: What's your favorite hot beverage?
Peppermint Tea, or tea in general. :D or coffee.

Tulip: For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?
Usually a cookie cake.

Myrtle: Do you like going on airplanes?
Never have been before.

Hibiscus: Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?
I used to play guitar when I was 11. But I didn't play for a whole summer once and ended up forgetting everything I knew. Then I played a bit of piano in 8th grade. Thinking of taking that back up again. I used to be able to sing well until I got to high school. Probably got bad at it from not taking choir in high school.

Zinnia: Who was your best friend when you were six years old?
Honestly, I didn't have any friends until I was 10. Other kids were scared of me, or made fun of me.

Poppy: What color was your childhood home?
White. ^~^

Hydrangea: Starbucks order?
I've never had Starbucks. Too damn expensive. x~x

Violet: Do you like where you're from?
Kansas is okay. It's very chill and not as conservative or "country" as most people think.

Locust: What was your favorite book as a child?
Uhm, this one book about a cat? It wasn't a kid's book though. My grandma read it to me. Can't remember what it was called.

Rhododendron: What's the scariest dream you've ever had?
I've had a lot of those. >.< uh it's hard to choose.

Queen Anne's Lace: Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?
Wrap presents. c':

Magnolia: Favorite kind of candy?
I think Reese's? Or sour patch anything.

Aster: Would you rather be cold or hot?
Coldddd. I love being cold. Cold weather is cuddling weather, and it's when I look the best because fall/winter fashion is layerable and dark colored. *~* layers are a transguy's best friend.

Marigold: Do you listen to what's on the radio?
Sometimes, yeah.

Heliconia: Do you like when it rains?
Yesssss. And I love thunderstorms even though I'm a little afraid of thunder.

Azalea: What's a movie you cried while watching?
Moulin Rouge, or probably any Disney movie that I watched for the first time.

Dandelion: Do you think you're important?
Yeah. .///. I do. For once.

hello, i love you.

I'm just really curiousssss.

Answer these about me in the comments:
1. First impression of me?
2. Is your opinion any different now? How so?
3. Best memory with me?
4. Worst memory with me?
5. Do you think about me throughout the day?
6. Is there something in particular you identify me with?
7. Is there a character(s) in particular that I remind you lots of? How so?
8. What is one thing you'd like to do with me?
9. What is your favorite thing about me?
10. What is your least favorite thing about me?
11. Have I ever annoyed you?
12. Have I affected your life any? In a good or bad way?
13. Have I ever inspired you?
14. Have I ever taught you anything?
15. Do you hope you'll know me forever?
16. Is there anything about me you envy?
17. Is there anything about me you admire?
18. Is there anything about me you would change if you could?
19. If I were in a video game/anime, what series do you think I'd belong in? Why?
20. Do you hate, like or love me?
21. Can you describe me in 1 - 10 words?

also, miss Akioh is arranging a comment spree so it would be super cool if you guys could check that out!


come what may.

So hey.

I'm feeling a lot better since my last couple of posts. It stills hurts to know that Fuzzy is gone, but I'm happy that he's no longer in pain. He will be missed dearly.

Obviously, I'm still not really in a good place emotionally. Not enough to go a day without crying. But I'm trying to keep from isolating myself socially. So while I might be at home a while, I'm still going to reply to people.

Sorry if you've ever commented on anything of mine and I didn't reply. Sometimes my Internet just decides to nope away and I can't reply at the moment I see them. Then I forget to go back and reply. Dx I assure I'm not ignoring anyone!

I'm trying to come out of my shell of anxiety and talk to people regularly. >.< it's hard. Especially during this time.

I've been obsessing over Kingdom Hearts lately. ^~^ Currently playing through the second game for like the 3rd time. o; I've been trying to decide who I would want to cosplay from the series. I love most of the characters, but I haven't been able to really pinpoint which one I connect to like I usually can with other series'.

I've also been watching Sailor Moon (have I mentioned that?)

I guess I'm just trying to chill out. My boyfriend helps a lot with that. ^.^

External Image
External Image

I took these before my life went to hell and back.
The second one is me with Jason and I's teddy bear child. His name is Ollie, short for Oliver, or Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free! cx



My mom came home from work yesterday. She begged me to go with her to get my half-brother and go out to dinner with her. Neither of us could stay home for very much longer, because of my cat.

We went to dinner, just trying to have a good time and get our minds away from the sadness. When we came back home, my cat was out of his cat bed, lying on his side uncomfortably. We moved him back inside and he meowed in the most heart-breaking way. My mom and I knew we wouldn't be able to stay in the house tonight. He was unbearable to look at.

We said our goodbyes, and my family checked into a motel for the night.

He passed away last night.

My stepdad buried him early this morning.

I'm home now, and I can't stop crying. This all feels so wrong. I feel so incomplete. I can't believe that he's gone. I keep thinking that he's just hiding away, sleeping. But he's gone.

I feel really broken.


please let him be okay.

So I have this cat. His name is Fuzzy, and I've had him since I was about 9/10 years old.
I remember we first got him when he was a kitten. A little black kitten. We named him Mojo at first, but my dad always jokingly called him Mr. Fuzz, which we then shortened to Fuzzy.

He was really playful and mischevious as a kitten; you could walk by him without a swat at your feet. We used to chase him around the house and he would chase us. He was a delightful little menace.

As he got older, he stopped being so crazy and only played with us when we were in the mood. He would harass the other cats for attention and wait until my mom got home from work to leap onto her lap and follow her around. Sometime when he was younger, we discovered that he was losing fur. And we realized that he was allergic to fleas. So we gave him medicine and he started to recover.

As he got older, he stopped playing really. Started to become really clingy and anytime someone sat down in the living room, he'd be right up in their lap. He would crawl up their stomach and hug them around their shoulders. He would lose and gain fur, and would never gain any weight.

Lately, he's been really sick. Most of his fur is gone, his skin is dry and sandy, he pees on himself on accident, he had a low body temperature. The vet just said he needed to take vitamins, we changed his food to something better, he was dehydrated and anemic, so we made sure to get him to eat and drink and gave him medicine.

Now he's stumbling around, he looks sicker than ever. He won't stop meowing when anyone's around him. He's lost his appetite.

I'm afraid that my kitty is on his last life. And we can't afford to get him to a vet right now. It's $100 up front just for the vet to see him, and it'll probably be double that for treating him.

I know he's an old cat, and I know that he's had a happy life. But I can't deal with this loss. He's grown up with me. My cat is like my brother. He isn't gone yet, but I can't bear to look at him. He looks so sick and so miserable.

We're doing everything we can to help him at home. We're changing his brand of litter and we bought him a cat bed to hopefully warm him up.

I can't stop crying. I just need to know that he's going to be okay.